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"Amen, sister," Tess laughed. "I'm glad to hear you’re approaching it this way, Haley. It sounds like you’re on the mend now."
"I hope so. It sounds corny and maybe a little self-serving... but I missed myself," I admitted.
"That's not self-serving, that's the truth. People forget they need to love themselves as much, if not more than others do. Especially women—we’re trained to put ourselves last, and that it's selfish to think of ourselves."
"Is this where you holler death to the patriarchy?" I asked, teasing.
But she wasn't laughing. "I'm serious Haley. I'm tired of everyone feeling entitled to tell me how I need to feel about myself, and you should be too. We should be able to live our lives as we want and feel how we want to feel."
"I couldn’t agree more."
I spent the rest of the day following my intuition, doing whatever I felt called to do, and none of it involved hiding away. When I couldn’t stand my hunger any longer, I walked into town and had dinner with myself at the local taco shack. I wondered why I hadn't done this sooner.
I was about to ask for the check when the server came over and said, "another guest sent this over for you," he said, presenting me with a small plate of sopapillas. I looked at him curiously, and he turned around, pointing behind him. Evelyn, from the fruit stand, was sitting at the bar. She waved me over, so I took my sopapillas and went to her. She was with another woman who she introduced as her wife, Natalie, and we spent the next hour laughing and talking about everything and nothing. It was nice. I even told them about why I really came to the island,unable to stop myself, and they both agreed I’d done the right thing.
"You came to the right place," Natalie said. "You know, I ran away to Hanalei because of an awful experience with a man," she said, "and ran right into Evelyn. Fate was smiling on me that day. Sometimes running away is exactly what you need—you never know when you're running home," she said and I gave a strained smile, trying to forget that word and the image of Cooper that immediately popped into my head.
It was late in the evening by the time I got home. I was tired, but feeling comfortable in my skin for the first time in a very long time—maybe even since before I left Cooper the first time.
It’s disturbing to realize you haven't been comfortable in your own skin for that long. But it was time to re-discover thirty-year-old Haley—she still had plenty to offer.
I went to sleep peacefully that night, happy knowing that I was on an upward trajectory now.
I got up with the sunrise, much like my parents did when we spent summers in Hanalei. As a teenager, I'd complained about being awoken so early, but they argued it was a damn shame to miss such a beautiful sunrise. I couldn't help but think that it was their spirits rustling me awake, eager for me not to miss out on another Hanalei sunrise.
Still feeling sleepy, I brewed some coffee and sipped it slowly. I was startled when I heard a knock on the door. It was tentative, but definitely there.
I walked to the door in my pajama shorts and tank top and opened it to find an uneasy Cooper.
I swallowed hard at the sight of him. Only he could look this good so early in the morning. But before I had a chance to say anything, he started, "Regardless of what happened between us, you still need to keep up with your lessons," he said, barely looking at me, his jaw tense.
Normally, I would tell him this isn’t necessary or make up some excuse to get out of it because the situation is beyond uncomfortable. But after yesterday, I decided I might be open to a little discomfort... and I might as well bring Cooper along for the ride. So I gave him a big smile and said, "Let me go get my bikini," noticing the pink that stole over his cheeks before he turned away.
"Fine. I'll be out here," he said, clearing his throat.
I bit back my smile long enough to turn around and laughed to myself as I headed to my bedroom and found my skimpiest bikini.
Cooper
Our surf lessons might've been miserable if it hadn’t been because Haley was inexplicably relaxed. In fact, as the days went by, she grew more and more at ease and I was delighted with this new development. I don't know what flipped the switch, but I was hearing from more and more neighbors about what a breath of fresh air Haley was and how funny she was—both things I knew to be true, but I was surprised to hear them from complete strangers.
Haley must have decided she was done hiding away. I would see her out and about on Main Street and at various places in town, happily chatting with people, and it was like the girl who had crashed back on the island with a broken heart evaporated.
I even caught her out on the porch painting a few times, and it made my heart feel like it was going to burst.
Tess called me a couple of times to check in, and each time commented that Haley sounded a lot better. I confirmed that, from what I could tell, she was indeed much better.
"It was the strangest thing, Cooper. I thought I was losing her. It's like something flipped overnight... I wonder what happened to make it click for her?" She asked idly and I couldn't help but wonder, too. I didn't think my little speech to her the night she rejected me was enough to do it, but something happened around that time. I tried not to overthink it, but it was everywhere.
Even going into the General Store that morning after my lesson with a client, Mahina was excited to tell me that Haley was going to be "just fine."
"Oh yeah? What makes you say that?"
"Because she's in here every other day getting more art supplies. Don't you see she's creating? If she’s creating, then she’s healing. That’s the best medicine, and on top of that, she’s really talented."
I nodded in agreement, then murmured, "I hope it's enough to heal her."
Mahina stopped, and in a rare moment, got serious. "It's hard to know what's going to heal us and how long it's going to take, but it's no different than you getting up on that surfboard every day. I don't know if you’d consider yourself completely healed, Cooper, but you get up every day and work at it. That's what Haley is doing. Though if you want to help her out, encourage her to get more involved with the community."
