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I shake my head, because this is another reason why I’ve been hiding in my studio. Mamá doesn’t go to the bar anymore, nor does she do any work around the house. All she does is stay in the kitchen or the living room and cry all day.
Literally all day.
Now Abuela’s dead Mamá seems to have all the free time in the world to grief. And I hate her for it, because when Abuela was diagnosed, Mamá felt the need to go on holiday in Valencia.
“I was just about to go to the bathroom,” I say as I tap the pregnancy packet against my hand. I’m debating whether to do it or not. I can hardly bring myself to speak to Diego, let alone talk to him and tell him that he’s going to be a father.
He may not want to be.
Not now.
I know he said that he did in the future, but he has so many issues that the idea of having a kid with him would feel as if I have two kids to look after from the word, go.
“I don’t know. What do I do if I am?”
She tilts her head to the side. “Then you need to put Diego out of his misery and talk to him.”
No. I can’t do that.
“If I decide to talk to him then it has to be on my terms, not because I have to talk to him.”
“Leticia, what are you talking about? Stop playing games.”
I cross my arms, feeling defensive. “No, I’m not.”
“No one’s perfect. Not even you. You knew that Alberto wanted you back. You were like, ‘Oh, Alberto, stay away.’” She imitates my feeble attempt to keep Alberto at bay.
“It doesn’t matter what Belén did or didn’t do. You weren’t the innocent one in this story.”
I nod my head, because in a way she’s right. I was playing this stupid game with Alberto. Telling him to stay away and then sobbing in his arms. I was sending mixed messages, but then it’s pretty hard to stay away from someone who lives three doors away from you.
“Here goes nothing.”
“I’m going to be an auntie,” she cheers as I shut the door.
No, she’s going to be a cousin, once removed. It doesn’t matter, because the more I think about it, the more I know this isn’t going to be good news. I have a feeling I know what the results are going to show, and I’m scared about what to do about this.
1 Thanks to God.
2 What?
49
Diego
It’s been ten days since I’ve been staying at this hotel. I was thinking if I stay in Madrid any longer then I would have to look for an apartment.
I wasn’t giving up on Leticia.
Not without a fight, and this time without a physical fight but an emotional one. I know my purpose in life and as much as I never thought I could do it, I’ve forgiven George and the more I talk to him the more I know he hated himself for all that he did to me, but was too much of a coward to admit it.
The ego.
Wayne Dyer talks about this a lot. He says the ego makes us worry about our possessions and stops us from doing so many things that we know are wrong.
We worry about our possessions, how we’re perceived, and what’s expected of us. Everyone seems to be more important that we lose sense of ourselves and what is right. I know now, as I reflect on the way I’ve behaved with George and even what I did with Alberto.
The other day I spoke to my lawyer, who said that seeing as Alberto’s back on his feet, I should compensate him for the damage I caused him.
