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My sharp gasp cuts off my words as I stare at the crumpled front end of the vehicle in disbelief. I shake my head, unable to form words. Guilt crashes over me like waves.
It’s my fault.
I yanked the wheel.
Guilt crashes over me again.
I didn’t want us to hit the deer.
It slams into me harder, sucking the oxygen from my body.
Now it’s ruined. Gavin’s car… All I have left of him is wrecked. Destroyed.
The front end is wrapped around the tree so tightly I can’t tell where one begins and the other ends.
All I see isruin.
Tears fill my eyes as my phone trembles in my shaking hands. “No,” I squeak, my opposite hand covering my mouth.
“Kenz, it’ll be okay.” A stick snaps, making me jump as Chase takes a step closer, entering my personal space. “It looks bad, but?—”
My hands cover my ears as I squeeze my eyes shut, shaking my head. The memories viciously assault me, drowning me in them. The darkness closes around me as a light rain starts falling from the sky, dampening my skin. Although it’s not a thunderstorm, my mind doesn’t care. The wreckage and rain takes me back to the impending accident that ruined mylife.
The bright lights rendered me blind before the horrific sound of metal crunching and the squeal of the tires filled my ears. A loud buzzing is in my ears, blocking out all other sounds. My hearing slowly returned, the rain pelting my skin through the cracks of the broken windshield.
The loud screeching of the horn blaring caused me to turn my head. My eyes widened, a sickening feeling coursing through me as I stared at my brother’s head lying against the steering wheel.
Blood. So much blood came from him. The metallic scent permeated my nostrils and made my stomach roil.
My deafening screams filled the car as I tried and failed to remove my seatbelt. The pain coursed through me as I tried to force my useless legs to move. Giving up on trying to free my lower body, I stretched until I could touch my brother’s cold face.
The thunder boomed overhead as I shouted Gavin’s name. When I lifted his head from the steering wheel, his lifeless eyes gutted me. I pleaded for him to be unconscious yet still alive, my weak fingers eventually losing their grip. I winced as his face smacked against the steering wheel again, helplessness coursing through me. I couldn’t do anything except cry and scream, begging for help.
It felt like forever until I heard the sirens. The blazing lights of the firetrucks and ambulances blinded me again yet made me feel an immense sense of relief.They’d save Gavin. They had to.
I was in and out of consciousness as emergency personnel cut the passenger side door and some of the metal wreckage around me to get me out of the car. When I was awake, the pain and anguish held me in its grip so tightly that the only relief was in the blackness that welcomed me with open arms. I sunk into it, grateful for a reprieve from the agony.
“Mackenzie.” Chase shakes me, and my head rolls on my shoulders. I stare at him blankly, trying to distinguish the past from the present.When the hell did he put his hands on me?
“C-Chase?”
One hand wrapped around my waist while the other moves to my face, smoothing my hair. “It’s okay, angel. You’re here with me. Not back there.” His Adam’s Apple bobs as he swallows. I watch the movement with apathy, unable to distinguish between what’s real and what isn’t. Moisture fills his eyes, dripping from his lashes.Is he crying? Or is the rain dripping from them?
Oh, God. Rain. The sensation jolts me from my altered state, thrusting me back into awareness. It drips onto my hair and the exposed areas of my skin, making me shiver.
I close my eyes, sucking in a breath.You’re okay, Mackenzie. You’re not in your mother’s mangled car beside your dead brother, unable to move. Unable to save your brother.
“Stay with me, Kenz.”
My eyes open, locking on Chase’s handsome face. His face is lined with worry, his brow furrowed as he stares down at me.
“I’m okay. Really.” I can’t stand Chase looking at me right now. It’s embarrassing for him to see me so weak and vulnerable as I fight to return to reality.
“Hey. It’s okay. You don’t need to hide from me.”
I turn my face away from his.But I do.I can’t stand you seeing me like this. I can’t stand anyone seeing me break and crumble.
After the accident, my parents made me see a counselor. I hated the pity and concern in his eyes. It made me feel like I was losing my grip on reality.
