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“I know it’s been difficult, and you’ve thought about leaving.” I gave him a sharp glance, surprised at his statement. Mike chuckled before he said, “I see more than you think I do. But I’m begging you to reconsider.”
I remained silent as Mike got up from the couch, patting my shoulder. “I’m heading to bed. Think about what I said. Okay?”
“I will. Goodnight, Mike.”
“Goodnight, Chase.”
After he left, I remained on the couch, sitting in the darkened living room, contemplating how similar Mackenzie and I were. Even though she’s been hostile to me since the moment I entered her house, could I give up on her and leave?
A few hours later, I heard the front door close. Light footsteps padded into the living room.
“Chase? What are you doing up?” Mackenzie’s soft voice pulled me from my thoughts. “Having trouble sleeping?”
I heaved out a long sigh, running my fingers through my hair. “Yeah. I have a lot on my mind.” Leaning against the cushion, I regarded her. “What about you? I thought you were going to stay at Jamie’s tonight?”
Mackenzie gingerly sat on the other end of the couch, biting her lip as she nodded toward the rain pelting the window. "I received a weather alert on my phone. Every time it storms at night, I wake up and have a panic attack. I didn’t want to burden Jamie with that.”
I stared at her in silence, stunned by her admission. My heart twisted in knots, knowing the storm during the accident was responsible for her attacks.
I don’t know what to say to her. I’m afraid of breaking the spell since she hasn’t shared anything personal with me until now.
Mackenzie mistakes my silence for disbelief. “I know. I seem fine. But I’m a hot mess when I wake up during a storm. Panic attacks make me feel like I’m dying. I keep medication on my nightstand.” She watched me intently, gauging my reaction.
Clearing my throat, I regarded her thoughtfully. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, Mackenzie, because I do. I used to suffer from panic attacks frequently. They suck.” I leaned forward, rubbing my hands together. “I was just surprised. You usually don’t talk to me about personal things.”
Mackenzie heaved out a breath. “I’m sorry. I can’t talk to my parents about the attacks. I’ve burdened them enough since…” She took a shuddering breath, her eyes darting to the window, watching the rain hitting the window panes. “I don’t really have anyone.” The mournful tone of her voice was like someone driving a knife through my chest.
“You’re not a burden to them, Mackenzie. They love you and would never view you as a bother.” I rub my hands together, contemplating if I should risk it. She could be playing a game. But the sincerity on her face makes me believe she’s not. “You haveme, Mackenzie. You aren’t alone.”
Big amber eyes flitted from the window, locking with mine. She studied me for a few minutes before a small smile graced her lips. “I… I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. I’ve been mean to you.”
I start to interrupt, but Mackenzie holds up her hand. “Hear me out, Chase. Don’t downplay my behavior like you typically do. You let me off the hook too easily.”
Well, well, well. She knows me better than I thought.
“I’ve been horrible to you, and now here I am, dumping this at your feet. Despite my awful behavior toward you, a part of me knows I can because you won’t reject or judge me.”
I nod. There’s nothing to say. She’s right.
She curls up on the couch, wrapping her arms around her knees. The sadness on her face reaches deep inside me, drawing me to her like a magnet. It’s like I’m looking into a mirror as I stare at her face, seeing the abject loneliness on her face.
“Since the accident and Gavin’s death, the panic attacks are more frequent than I let on. They worsen when it storms. My mind goes right back to that moment, and I can’t distinguish the past from the present.” She looks up at me, tears shimmering in her eyes. “I hyperventilate and can’t breathe. I feel like I’m dying. Like how Gavin must have felt.”
Reaching behind me, I grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch before sliding closer, waiting for her permission. She stared at it momentarily before her eyes flicked to mine. There was a vulnerability swirling in the depths of her amber irises I’d never seen before.
She nodded, a smile curling her lips as I gently wrapped the blanket around her. Her rigid muscles went slack as she burrowed into the blanket. “T-Thanks.”
I smiled at her. “You’re welcome.” Fidgeting with the hem of my T-shirt, I remain close to her but don’t touch her. “The accident isn’t your fault, Kenz.” I take a moment, gathering my courage, before adding, “Your parents told me about it. From what I understand, Gavin suffered from blunt force trauma and died instantly.”
Mackenzie stared at me, the expression on her face indecipherable.
“You couldn’t have saved him, Kenz. The important thing was that you were with Gavin when the accident happened and remained with him until rescuers came.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks. She closed her eyes for a few beats before opening them. In the darkness, her amber eyes were luminous. “I’ve been told he died instantly by my parents numerous times, but I always thought they were just saying it to make me feel better.” Her voice quivered, and she pressed her lips together.
We sat in silence, listening to the rain.
Mackenzie broke it when she said, “I really needed to hear what you just said to me. You didn’t know Gavin and have no reason to lie to me.”
