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Mia grips my hand. “I can’t fault you for liking someone older than you. But there is a pretty big age gap. Seven years. Plus, he was an adult. If anyone found out, he could have got into legal trouble. It could have destroyed your career too.”
“I know. And I know it sounds bad, but I didn’t feel like a sixteen-year-old kid. You both have to remember that most of my childhood was singing. I became famous young; I’ve been singing about love for years. I’ve seen and heard things a kid really shouldn’t. When I lost my parents, I had to grow up and become the breadwinner of my family. I know it sounds young that I was sixteen, but I felt older and more mature than any real teenager. I still do.” I sigh and finally let myself face them. To my relief, neither of them are looking at me with judgment or disgust.
“So now he’s back and he wants to apologize.” Jade glances between me and Mia. A mischievous smile plays on her lips. “I’m not sure I’m buying it. I’m with Mia on this one. He’s going to great lengths just to apologize to a client that used to be his.”
My cheeks flame red. “It was weird. He knew where I was. He waited until I was leaving before he pulled me into the room. I know he wants to explain and apologize, but I can’t get sucked in. Even though my crush was one-sided when he left that way, it destroyed me. I just want to move on and forget that I ever did and said those things to him. I want to move past this.”
Mia bites her lip, and she watches me carefully. But she doesn’t say anything or call me out on anything. Jade wraps her arms around me while we just sit there. “I think I could go for one of those watermelon smoothies.”
She hops up to make a batch. My phone vibrates in my hand, and as always, I silence it, ignoring the ever-growing stack of texts and calls from Ezra. I really hope that eventually he’ll give up. I could forgive him for leaving me. But my heart will never forget the pain or the way my world crashed down after he did.
“Should I just keep telling him you’re busy and will return his call when you have time?” Mia asks me quietly, and I nod. “Okay. I do like your place here. Will you miss it once we’re on the road?”
I glance around my newly-furnished, five-bedroom house, that's tucked away and completely private. I bought it myself with my signing bonus from Rosen Records. I knew I wouldn’t be staying with my uncle any longer once I got out from under his control, and I didn’t want a place where he or his numerous bookies could find me and show up. He hasn’t tried reaching out to me either, which I’m grateful for. Nonetheless, no one besides the girls and my security know where it is. It's my solitude. My place to escape when I need it. A constant to come back to when life on the road comes to an end. “I will. But I know it's here and waiting for me.”
Chapter Fifteen
Ocean
Watching Jade’s body hurdle to the ground with only silk scarfs to hold her up makes my eyes twitch. I’m not really sure how she does it or how she manages to make it look so graceful. I love watching her in between my own rehearsals. Onyx is lucky to have her on his team for the tour. The Bedroom Tour is coming along if we can manage to get out of the spot of bad publicity. My heart breaks every day for Mia and the shit she is going through. I didn’t peg Zander as the type of guy to hurt her again, but he did. And the whole world found out about their dark past.
Ezra went ballistic when it happened. He hasn’t stopped trying to get ahold of me since Atlanta. Like always, I keep ignoring the pile of texts and phone calls. Most guys would have taken the hint or backed off, not him. My will to avoid him only seems to provoke him more. I thought Rosen Records was just really nice to their artists when my favorite coffee orlunches kept showing up at the recording studio. Or my favorite smoothie after a day at the gym. Mia knew I was having issues sleeping and finding time to eat. I made sure to thank her right away and I’ll never forget the way her brow raised and a teasing smile played on her lips.
“Sorry to say, Ocean, but I’m not that kind. That is not the company sending those.”
My eyes darted to Kyle, who at least had the decency to look guilty, before adjusting his tie and avoiding my glare. “Am I your boss or is he?”
“You, Miss. But Mr. Hamilton did make a good point that it is my job to take care of you and missing lunch isn’t good for your creativity,” he said back. My eyes burned and I couldn’t explain the knot of emotion stuck in my chest. “He also said you should cut back on energy drinks but didn't want to take away your coffee.”
Ezra is being his normal, controlling, bossy self, trying to take care of me while I avoid him. I’m busy. He never shows up unannounced though, something I attribute to the fact that he took on a huge new client. Mason Namara is a male pop-icon, known for his genre-melding artistry and modern-day popular music. He is also a rumored bad boy and dances sexily on stage. His popularity is off the charts and he jumped from his previous label right to Ezra.
My own show for the tour is still a work-in-progress. The songs are pouring out of me, that is never the hard part, but I want my set to be different. I refuse to go back to the style I was forced to conform to for BNE. I’ve opted instead for blacks, dark purples, sparkles, and some fog to give it an ethereal feel onstage. Sections of the stands will be given purple neon glow sticks to hold up which will create heart shapes in the crowd. Something is missing though. Something like my best friend rolling out in silky black scarfs.
“Girl, when you swing from the ceiling like that aren’t you scared your arms are going to give out?” I call to her from the floor where I’m sitting.
“It’s actually a lot easier than pole dancing.” She winks at me before sliding down the rest of the way to the ground.
I laugh and hand her a bottle of water. “You’ve made miracles with this set, Jade. I don’t know how you do it.”
“Yours looks pretty good too.” She shuffles me with her elbow right into my side and I jump, laughing again.
“True, you did exactly what I wanted.” I think about all the changes she helped me with. Once I explained to both Mia and Jade my vision and the need to separate myself from how I used to be, Jade was more than willing to help me. I’m nervous though about how my fans will react.
“It’s going to be great, Oce.” Jade tells me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders in a hug. I hope she’s right but doubt still creeps in.
Tears spring to my eyes. “He said it won’t be.”
“Who?” She turns to me and her protectiveness flares.
“Ezra.”
Jade scoffs and shakes her head. “Fuck him. What does he know? You’re going to kill it and then you’re going to knee him in the balls.”
I smile at her words; the image is very tempting. Branching out and trying something new is difficult enough for me right now. Ezra had apparently seen the concept for my new show and sent me a text about how things on stage didn’t flow together and the lighting was drastically dark. I was upset that he had any idea at all, which was probably thanks to Kyle, but I also hated that when I thought about it all, he was right. I have very little experience with designing a set. I was never allowed. And even though I keep trying to remind myself of that fact, it doesn’t seem to matter.
“I’m going to go work on it some more. There’s something missing, but I just can't figure out what it is.” I sigh, rubbing my temples, before walking out.
I grab the iPad on my way to the practice stage. Thankfully, no one else is in there while I walk around and picture how it will all look live. I’ve spent a lot of time on my wardrobe choices as well. Even with Jade’s help, the space just seems unused. Frustration rips through my chest. I need to show everyone I can do this, but mostly, I want to prove to myself that I can. They all want the girl with the ribbons and sparkles. I’m not her. She isn’t coming back. Being eighteen isn’t just an age, it’s a level of maturity, and the need for that to be reflected in my work is important to everything I do going forward. The world will see that BNE didn’t make Ocean Heart.
