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“What happened?”
He blows out a breath. “Going right for the kill.”
My brow rises. “I want my girl back. I want to show her how much I love her, how much I have always loved her, and all the things I do for her. But I’m missing something. There is something in her eyes, a tinge of darkness she didn’t have before. So tell me, what am I missing.”
“She made Theo, Beth and myself not speak of it. Not to you or to anyone because if it got out, things would be worse than they were. Her uncle…he didn’t get better once you leftwith his new title, like Mr. Townsend thought might happen. He became worse. And when his collectors couldn’t find him, they started going after her. Outside her home, in the back alley of restaurants, they hounded her. She paid them all back.”
Anger like I’ve never felt grips me by the throat. My entire world goes up in flames, wanting to destroy, hurt, kill who threatened her or made her unsafe. “You should have told me.”
His eyes flare and he shakes his head. “She was a mess. I knew what you were doing in the background, but she didn’t. There were days she didn’t eat or sleep. Then you add on this thing with her uncle. She kept herself so busy, she worked herself into exhaustion. I know you would have rushed in to help, but then you wouldn’t have left, and you both would have been at the same crossroads and set to lose everything.”
I hate his words and the fact that he’s right. I would have said fuck-it to my plans, the deal I made with my uncle, anything to be with her again. “I still should have known.”
Kyle sighs. “We kept her safe. There was nothing you could have done. She didn’t want you to know.”
“This is going to be more difficult than I thought. She’s built a tower of steel around her heart.”
“Good.” He laughs. “You should have to work hard. Just because I know why you left doesn’t mean I think she should just cave. You deserve to grovel some.”
“I can’t lose her, and I’ll never give her up. Even if she begs me, it will never happen.”
He clears his throat, adjusting his tie. “We get it. So show her what you mean. Words aren’t always enough.”
With a final nod, he leaves. Once again, I’m with my own thoughts and the truths and knowledge of what life for Ocean was like without me. Knowing her hurt goes deeper than I had thought isn’t a deterrent. If anything, I’m more determined to win her over.
Chapter Nineteen
Ocean
You won’t find me until the stars come out and the sun goes down.
Until the shadows like to play around,
I won’t dance for you when you call.
“Mhmm–mmm.”I hum the melody and tap the piano keys in frustration. The plan is to work on the song all day, but I’m struggling to find the connection today. Sighing, I look over at what is left in the white to-go cup from my favorite coffee shop. My tea drink of choice is long gone, of course. The cup itself is now just a representation of the conflict between my heart and my stomach.Let me back in Ocean. I’m sorry I hurt you. I promise I will make it up to you every day, forever. I’ll ever leave you alone again.
“Ugh.” I slam my pen down on the top of the piano and push away as frustration grips my heart. I replay that day in my head over and over. Ezra said all the words I had wanted to hear in the past two years. I understand his reasons for leaving, even though I think they’re shit. I was so in love with him back thenthat I would have been consumed by him. Maybe he was right that eventually we would have been caught. I like to think we’re smarter than that but I also know my uncle is ruthless.
I wasn’t lying when I told him I wasn’t the same person anymore. He wants to start over, to be with me now, and all I have is a voice screaming in the back of my head that no one could ever love me. That he doesn’t know me.
“Does the scowl on your face mean the song isn’t working today?” Kyle’s voice fills the little recording studio. I glance up and see him behind the glass, holding up a take-out food bag. My stomach rumbles in response. I hurry over to the room, and he laughs at how quickly I snatch the bag from him.
“Pasta O’Malley’s?” I hold up the carton of my absolute favorite chicken parmesan in the entire city.
Kyle shifts his eyes and runs his hands together. “You’ve been pulling double practices and then long evenings here. You can’t live on salads and air. You need a full meal and a little carbload.”
My brow lifts. “Does he pay you to say these things verbatim? I swear it was like he was just here right now.”
Kyle sighs and shifts on his feet, fully aware that I know he’s been conspiring with the enemy. “Be that as it may, he isn’t wrong, Ms. Heart. With your current schedule and performances coming up, you need substance. Plus, I think the lady at the deli thinks I’m flirting with her because I’m there every day.”
I laugh at the last part, imagining poor Kyle getting hit on by the deli ladies. I take the carton of food and sit at the table. The minute the cheesy, tomato marinara sauce and chicken hits my tongue, I think I actually groan out loud with how delicious it is. It is exactly what I needed. Ezra always knows exactly what I need.
I slide my fork and knife through the meal, keeping my head down. “He is the one picking out my meals and sending the tea and protein shakes, isn’t he?”
“And booking your massages and spa treatments before you leave the city for your tour dates. And pre-planning with James for your plane to be ready when you’ve reached the limit of hotels and need a night at home, even though he doesn’t know about your house and that also drives him crazy. That custom-made chandelier was selected by him. And just so you know, your uncle was slapped with investigation papers. They're looking at him for embezzlement charges on some side work he did for BNE,” Kyle rattles off.
My eyes sting with unshed tears. My uncle has been unusually quiet when usually he’d be blowing up my phone by now. Deep in my heart I knew it was Ezra all along, but I chose to block it out. It was easier to keep moving, keep living, if I didn’t think about it. Because if I think about it then I have to face the reality that he means what he said. Ezra loves me. Even though he’s an idiot for doing what he did, he made the decision to protect me. It was the wrong decision. Or maybe it was the right one. But the fact that he made it for us without talking to me hurts. If he had told me how he felt, even if he had to leave, I wouldn’t be as broken as I am.
