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“And how do you know that for sure?” I hissed at him, upset.
"Because I've known them forever. Besides, Jack also has a sister, and Edward has a fiancée whom he cares about as much as I care about you."
My anger ebbed away, and what remained was the feeling of guilt. Because of my anger, but also because of his worries about me.
“I’m sorry, Alex. I shouldn’t have gotten so mad right away. I trust you, and if you think they won’t betray us, I’ll accept that,” I assured him apologetically. Gratefully, he took my hands in his and lovingly stroked the backs of my hands with his thumbs. He knew that this touch calmed me. And this time, too, it worked a minor miracle and soothed my mind.
“Come on, let’s go straight to bed,” Alex unexpectedly changed the subject and stood up to shed his clothes. “It’s been a long day at the university, and I’m dog-tired.”
I hadn't noticed the last sentence because the small lambent flame was already rising.
“I’m just going to freshen up,” I announced and hurried to the bathroom to change out of my old-fashioned nightgown into the only underwear that wasn’t from Grandma’s dresser. I hurriedly slipped into the short black undergarment.
However, the anticipation fizzled into a moving cloud as soon as I entered the bedroom, and my gaze fell on Alex. He was already asleep on the bed and snoring softly. Disappointment extinguished the small inner flame for good, so I changed into my nightgown, crawled under the covers beside my fiancé, and snuggled up to him.
What did this desire in me mean? It was no longer that desire I had felt for Paris, which almost devoured me. Nevertheless, there was still some unquenched need. Was it really desire? Or was it perhaps a sense of guilt? A guilt that weighed on me and that I wanted to make amends for? The betrayal of Alex by my thoughts of the Trojan prince?
CHAPTER 18
The following day, we had no time for another conversation or even intimacy. I wanted to thank Alex for the beautiful moon pendant finally. At an early hour, someone knocked on my door because my father would travel unannounced for a few days on business and wished to have breakfast with me again.
Alex was forced to climb out of the window half-naked with all his belongings and flee. I would have loved to talk to him one more time about the idea of involving his friends in our meetings in the secret tunnels. But since we would meet again in the evening at the training, I postponed it until then.
After a cat wash, I was still in time to sit at the dining table with my father, who had disappeared behind his newspaper as he did every morning.
Tired and listless, I poked around in my fruit salad. Again and again, my thoughts returned to my dream of Paris and the following sensual moment with the imaginary man. As soon as I closed my eyes, I felt his tongue in my lap again.
“Miss Myrina?” Stephen’s voice snapped me out of this very intimate daydream, and I felt heat rise to my face under the butler’s cold gaze.
"You seem extremely absent today, though." Uneasily, I squirmed in my chair before looking directly at him. An attack was still the best defense. Not that he'd get the idea of sniffing me again. Just as I opened my mouth to fire off a quick-witted reply, the butler leaned toward me a bit. His lips formed a treacherous smile that silenced me directly.
"Have you been to the sea or the forest recently?" Ignoring my puzzled face, he turned on his heel and walked to my father to refill his coffee.
I stared after him with my mouth open. This guy was totally creepy.
Sea and forest? What could he mean by that? Suddenly, I realized what he had meant by the question. Inconspicuously, I smelled my hair but promptly stopped moving. This is ridiculous. Even if Paris had smelled like salty seawater and tart fir trees, it couldn't be him Stephan was alluding to. The Prince of Troy had not been real. So his scent could not be on me. It had to be my bath soap. At the next opportunity, I would ask Aza about the soap.
“Stephan, please remember that my daughter must be taken to confession even in my absence,” my father addressed the butler in a calm tone.
"Yes, of course, I won't forget," the dutiful man said without glancing at me.
My father lowered the newspaper and looked lovingly at me across the table. Each time, the sight of our richly filled table made me ashamed, knowing that so many people were suffering from hunger.
"Myrina, my child. Chris is waiting for you again at the Cathedral of St. John tonight. Please don't forget that,” my father informed me.
“Of course, Dad. I won’t forget. I promise.”
Encouragingly, I tried a little smile. Something that could accompany him on his journey. But once again, I failed miserably. I was not too fond of Father's business trips for several reasons. For one thing, I nearly keeled over with worry whenever he traveled without telling me where he was or what exactly he was doing. For another, I felt even lonelier than usual without his presence in this vast house. The maids couldn’t help that either. In theory, I was anything but alone here, but since I didn’t know who I could trust, I didn’t find that kind of company comforting at all.
“Do you know how long you’ll be gone yet?” I asked, hoping just this once to learn at least something about this trip.
Compassion fluttered in Dad’s gaze.
"No, my darling. But I will try not to stay away too long," he promised, and even though I knew he would break that promise, I smiled at him. He was trying to protect me. The less I knew, the less I was in danger. Still, I would have taken any threat to belong again, finally. To be allowed to be a part of this family and its secrets.
In the past, as a young girl, it had been just like that. Once a week, we held a family council. Discussed events, debated, and made plans. My brothers and I were involved in all decisions and issues that affected the family, and we had an equal voice in voting.
But now they were deciding behind my back in secret. I had lost my voice. I had become a mute spectator. The one who had to let herself drift along. Will-less.
