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Grinning, she looked up at me. “My name is Aspasia.” She quickly pulled an upturned box in her direction. “Sit.” Looking around, I settled into the offered seat.
Aspasia handed me a piece of bread. Ashamed of the enormous meal I had eaten that evening, I refused.
“So, do you know anything about these kids?” I probed instead.
Aspasia briefly lowered her gaze. The young woman next to her leaned over and lovingly stroked her back.
“What children is she talking about?” she wanted to know.
"The ones on West 125thStreet.” The answer was filled with hopelessness, and I was also struck by the reaction of her seatmate. An expression of horror crossed her beautiful face.
"You couldn't save them, Aspasia. No one would have been able to." Gently, she took her friend's face between her hands and pulled her closer to kiss her on her lips. It was a very intimate moment, and I saw the pain embedded in both of them.
Aspasia just nodded and gave her a grateful look before turning to me.
"Myrina. I'm sorry, but there was nothing more we could do for the people on that street. Shortly after the young women were taken away, armed men stormed the houses and murdered everyone who was there. Even the children."
At the last words, her voice quivered and threatened to fail. Everything inside me collapsed. The air escaped from my lungs, my dinner began to spill upwards, and the world seemed to spin for a brief moment. In my mind's eye, I kept seeing the little girl crying and screaming with her two pigtails and sad, brown, googly eyes. I knew that from now on, this image would haunt my dreams. Tears pressed against my daily mask and caused cracks in its façade.
When I had driven through the street again with Stephan, my thoughts weighed heavily on me. The feeling of a grave had crept over me and was now confirmed most cruelly.
“They were just kids,” I stammered in exasperation.
Aspasia looked at me with understanding. “I know, Myrina.”
My gaze slid again over the many people present.
“Are they all free?” I whispered softly.
“Free?” asked Aspasia back. “Freedom means something different for everyone. For me, freedom means being allowed to love the person my heart has chosen and not my parents or any societal constraints,” Lovingly, she looked over at the young,beautiful woman next to her. “What does freedom mean to you, Myrina?”
I had often asked myself this question in the past. Until now, my answer had always been that freedom for me meant marriage to Alex. But that was a forced freedom ending up in the same golden cage. Would I find it in our love? Like these two women here? Immediately, I was aware of the answer to that. It was: No! Alex was my best friend, my partner at my side. Whether I would have wanted to marry him even if the Knights of the Seals had not appeared and influenced our lives like this, I did not know. What about him? What did our marriage mean to him, and why did he want to marry me? Perhaps out of love, after all? Or merely out of loyalty to me?
My true freedom reflected the untamed fire in my heart. The urge to break free, to be myself, no matter what side of me. The light as well as the dark.
This realization hit me hard. On the one hand, it gave me hope; on the other, it confronted me with decisions I had always pushed away.
Almost as if she had read my thoughts, Aspasia leaned over and whispered, "Your heart belongs here, Myrina. Join us."
CHAPTER 21
Aspasia's words seeped into my consciousness, and my whole being screamed aloud: Yes! It urged me to say yes to join them. To fight for my freedom, for the fire in my heart. But it was precisely this heart that held me back.
If I joined this group of brave women, I would endanger my family, Alex, Charly, Aza, and our maids. For their safety, I persevered in the golden cage that nearly drove me insane.
The excitement I felt the first moment Aspasia invited me was pushed aside like an annoying insect, and the weight of my responsibility remained. A burden that I had imposed on myself.
“No, Aspasia, I can’t,” I stammered, still torn.
Surprised, she looked at me. Coldness settled on her features. “I had thought you would be braver. Apparently, I was mistaken.”
"No, you are not!" I defended my decision. "I want to join you, but I can't. I would be putting my family, my fiancé, and everyone working in our household at risk. That's a responsibility I can't take on."
Thoughtfully, the young woman looked at me, and her hardness gave way to a softness that struck me to the heart.
"I understand that very well. However, should you ever change your mind, you are always welcome to join us," Aspasia offered and stood up. "Come, I will accompany you to the door that will take you back home. You can't stay here any longer. It would be a danger to everyone."
“Thank you, Aspasia. There is only one problem. The wall through which I entered the tunnel can no longer be opened. I have to find another way home.”
