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I crossed my arms, but when Kyle tracked the movement, I let them fall to my sides. The last thing I wanted was to come off as defensive.
“My mom is picking the kids up in aminute.” I felt the need to fill the space between us with useless words. “She’s going to brave the library with them today.”
He nodded, so I went on babbling.
“I have to be at work soon. We’re getting the classroom ready for Monday.”
Stop talking, I chastised myself.
Callie appeared in my periphery, stealthily sneaking closer, inspecting our exchange. Lord knew what she was thinking.
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, at a loss for what to make of this moment. Thankfully, my mom pulled up out front. Saved by the mom, apparently.
Holding Teddy’s hand and carrying his backpack, I walked the kids down the short sidewalk that ran along the front of the house to the driveway. As I approached, my mom arched one perfectly sculpted brow and not so subtly eyed Kyle where he stood at the front door.
“I’ll fill you in later,” I said. God. I didnotwant to have this conversation with my mother.
She nodded, and after the kids were buckled and ready to go, I stood frozen in place, watching them drive away. Finally, I turned and made my way back to the house. Kyle watched me, one shoulder leaning against one of the white wooden posts of the porch.
“Did you want to come in?”
He nodded, and I walked past, letting him follow me inside.
We were both quiet as I moved around the kitchen. He continued to keep his attention fixed on me, causing my skin to warm. “Do you want a cup of coffee?” I asked, doing my best to ignore his scrutiny and my body’s reaction.
“Sure.”
I poured two cups and moved to the fridge. “Cream? Sugar?”
“No. Blackis fine.”
After putting half and half in mine, I stepped around the counter and handed the black coffee to him.
Feeling awkward in his presence for the first time, I blew on my coffee and waited for him to break the silence.
He huffed, or sighed, I couldn’t really tell, running a hand down his face. He sipped his coffee, then pinned me with a heated stare. Along with the flames burning in his eyes, there was a hint of something more vulnerable. Uncertainty, maybe?
Or maybe those were my own feelings reflected back at me. Because at that moment, I was certain of almost nothing when it came to this man.
Kyle
“You deserve an explanation, and I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to be prepared to give it. I needed some time to get my thoughts straight.” That sounded better in my head. Even so, it was the truth.
Part of me itched to lay it all out. My guilt. The memories that haunted me—the brief hope in Hughes’s eyes when we stopped the bleeding in his shoulder and the way he talked about his family, knowing he would never see them again. How he suffered. But why burden her with those thoughts and images? I lived with them, experienced the heartache that came with the memories each day. What would sharing the weight with her accomplish? Itwould only bring her down, and she was doing well. Happy. Living her life. I couldn’t burden her and set her back.
I placed my coffee mug on the counter and pulled a deep breath in through my nose. “And I didn’t want to have this conversation through text, either.”
“Okay…” She dipped her chin, focusing on the mug she was holding.
“I could tell you that I don’t deserve you. That you could do better.”
Her head popped back up, her brows knitted together. She opened her mouth to respond, but I held up my hand to cut off her rebuttal. I could say all of that with conviction, but at the end of the day, it didn’t matter whether I deserved her. The fact of the matter was that I couldn’t have her.
“That was part of why I left the other night, but it’s not the biggest reason. I’m selfish, so even though I don’t deserve you, I’d still want to keep you?—”
Her eyes opened wide and her mouth formed a perfect O.
I bit back a chuckle at her response and powered through. “But I’m not staying.”
