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“Can’t complain.”
“How’s the arm?”
The sling moved against his chest. “It’s getting better every day. I should be able to get rid of this by the end of the month.”
“Good.”
Silence.
Briefly she wondered how long it would take him to get to the point of this conversation.
“Was there some reason you wanted to talk to me?” she finally asked when she couldn’t tolerate the quiet for another second.
He dropped his leg and leaned forward, leaning his good arm against his elbow. “The divorce will be final soon.”
Molly knew that as well as he did. “So?” She didn’t mean to sound flippant, but she didn’t understand what he was getting at.
“Are you happy?” He rubbed his face, as if he wanted to start the conversation over again. Sighing, he said, “I’m making a mess of this. Listen.” He vaulted to his feet. Jordan had never been able to sit in one place when something was troubling him.
“You want to know if I’m happy?” she asked. “Do you mean, am I happy about the divorce?”
“I don’t know what I mean. I just have this incredible sense of guilt over I don’t know what. Coming here like this doesn’t make a bit of sense, but somehow I’m not comfortable ending our marriage without…without what?”
Jordan turned and their eyes met. She read his bewilderment and knew she’d experienced those same feelings herself, and like him, had been unable to put them into words.
“I guess in some ways I’m asking you to absolve me,” he said with a short, mocking laugh. “The problem is I don’t know what it is I want you to forgive.”
“The divorce makes me very sad,” she admitted in awhisper. “I don’t blame you, Jordan, and I’m not angry with you if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“Maybe you should be. Did you ever think of that?”
Molly took a moment to carefully examine her feelings. She wasn’t angry now, but that didn’t guarantee she wouldn’t be in the future. All the emotions tied into the divorce and their time together in Africa hadn’t been fully processed.
“Give me a few weeks,” she suggested with a weak smile.
“There’s something you should know,” Jordan said, his shoulders heaving. “Lesley and I have never been lovers.”
“Jordan, please, that’s none of my business.” She stood and walked over to the bookcase, examining the even spines of the volumes she’d placed inside.
“I know that. The fact is, it embarrasses me to be talking to you about my relationship with another woman. However, I want you to know that while I’ve committed my share of sins, adultery isn’t one of them.”
Their conversation was growing decidedly uncomfortable. “You asked me if I was happy,” she said, throwing his question back at him. “That’s what you really came to find out, and I’ll tell you.” She brushed the hair away from her face and held it there. “I’m ready to resume my life. I’m completely on my own for the first time.… Africa didn’t really count. I have a new job I start Monday morning. Am I happy? Yes, I suppose I am, but I’m not sure what happy means anymore. I haven’t known since Jeffrey died.”
Jordan’s jaw tensed. He seemed to need time to composehimself. “Why does every conversation we have come down to Jeffrey?”
“He was our son.”
“He’s dead!” Jordan shouted.
“And that’s the problem,” she shouted back, her voice trembling. “You want to pretend Jeffrey never lived. You wanted to destroy his pictures and ignore the fact that we had a child. I can’t do that. I’ll never be able to do that. Jeffrey was a part of you and a part of me and I refuse to deny he lived.” She was sobbing now and made no effort to disguise her tears.
“How long will it take you to forget?” Jordan demanded furiously. “Five years? Ten? When will it ever end? Tell me.”
His words exploded like firecrackers dropped into the middle of the room. “How long will you continue to grieve?”
Squaring her shoulders, Molly met his angry glare, her fists clenched at her sides.
“When are you going tostart?When will you stop denying we had a son? When will you be willing to own up to the fact that Jeffrey existed?”
