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“You’re sure you’ve got the time?”
“Of course.”
“I talked to Tommy about having another baby,” Amanda said, while Molly filled the teakettle and set it on the burner.
“What did he say?” she asked, wondering if Amanda’s husband felt the same way as Jordan.
“He wants to wait.”
“How long?”
“Another six months.”
“How do you feel about that?” Molly asked.
Amanda lowered her gaze, then shrugged. “In my heart I know another baby will never take Christi’s place, but my arms feel so empty.”
Molly understood what her friend was saying. Her arms had felt empty, too. Her arms and her life. That was why she’d volunteered to work in east Africa. She’d been willing to travel anywhere in the world, endure any hardship, if only it would ease the ache in her soul.
“Do you think that’s what concerns Tommy?”
“I don’t know. He’s afraid we’ll lose a second baby, too, and I don’t think either of us would survive that.”
“I …didn’t think I’d survive losing Jeffrey,” Molly said, and in some ways she continued the struggle and would for a very long time.
“We agreed that I’d go off the pill in three months. It took me six months to get pregnant with Christianne. The way we figure it, the timing should be about right.”
The kettle whistled and Molly removed it from the burner.
“How’s Jordan?” Amanda asked timidly. “Listen, you don’t have to talk about your husband if you don’t want to. It’s just that…well, I can’t help being curious, especially since he’s decided to delay the divorce until after the baby’s born.”
“He’s fine, I guess. I—he stopped by last week.”
“He did?” Amanda asked excitedly. “Remember when you told me about seeing him at the play? Something about the look on your face when you mentioned him struck me. You’re still in love with Jordan, aren’t you?”
There wasn’t any use in denying it, so she nodded.
“I knew it,” Amanda said triumphantly. “What did he want?” She edged closer to the table, then seemed to realize Molly and Jordan’s relationship was none of her business. “You don’t need to answer that.”
“Apparently he’s broken off his relationship with Lesley,” Molly said.
“Hot damn!”
“He’d like a reconciliation… I think.”
“Double hot damn!”
“But he’s still having trouble dealing with my pregnancy.”
Amanda’s shoulders slumped dramatically. “He’s afraid. Tommy and I are, too. It’s only natural, don’t you think?”
“Perhaps, but it’s more than just fear with Jordan. He’s terrified.” Molly didn’t know what he expected of her anymore. It wasn’t as though she could ignore their child. “He doesn’t want to have any feelings for this child,” Molly continued. “I think he’s convinced the minute he does, something will happen. He keepseverything bottled up inside. He always has…even with Jeffrey.”
“I feel sorry for him,” Amanda said thoughtfully. “He must be miserable, loving you the way he does.”
They were both miserable.
Molly poured tea for Amanda and milk for herself, and the two women chatted for fifteen more minutes. Although they were very different, they’d become friends, bonding over the heart-wrenching tragedy of losing a child to SIDS.
