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He studied her, as if the concept were foreign to him. She could tell that he was doing his best to understand.
“You want me to be with you all the time?”
“No.” It was all she could do to keep from groaning with frustration. “Love embraces without restricting. I would never change who you are. I want to encourage you to do the things you want, and at the same time count on your emotional support for my own endeavors.”
Leaning forward, he braced his elbows against his knees and was silent for several long moments. “I don’t know that I can do all the things you’re asking.”
Her heart fell.
“But,” he added thoughtfully, “it wouldn’t be because I don’t care about you. I’d need help, is all. To me, love is a decision. I could love you or I couldn’t, depending on any number of factors. If we married and produced a child…”
“Children.”
He didn’t contradict her, but she noticed he didn’t amend his statement, either. “…All the things you’re saying would fall naturally into place, wouldn’t they?”
“Perhaps.” Lesley remained confused. She was excited and at the same time frightened. Zane was offering her a chance for the kind of life she’d always yearned for, but he was quick to point out his own limitations in the husband department.
“Would you mind kissing me?” she asked.
Always before, when he’d brought her into his arms, their kisses had been hot and hungry, their need urgent, the kisses both compulsive and explosive.
Now, the gentleness with which his mouth claimed hers were her undoing. His lips, moist and tender, slid over hers in an unhurried exercise, coaxing a response from her.
When the kiss ended, she planted her hand over her heart and kept her eyes closed.
“The loving would be very good between us,” he said in what she was sure was an effort to sway her decision. “Very good.”
Lesley couldn’t doubt him. Rarely had she felt more physically compatible with a man. But there was far more to marriage than the physical aspects of their relationship, yet at the same time Zane was right not to discount their attraction for each other.
“You said earlier that love isn’t passion,” he reminded her.
Too weak from his kisses to answer verbally, she nodded.
“But it has its place. Marry me, Lesley, and give us both what we want.” He nudged her head aside and dropped soft kisses along the underside of her jaw.
Goose bumps skittered across her skin as he deftly used his tongue to excite her, licking at her senses, eating away at her doubts. When he was touching her like this, it was too hard to think.
“I…I don’t know what to do,” she admitted with a soft moan.
“You don’t have to answer me right away. Mull it over. Mull it over long and hard. But when you’ve made your decision, be certain, because there’ll be no going back for either of us.”
* * *
Zane was convinced he’d blundered this proposal. He wasn’t the kind of man who pussyfooted around a subject. He’d invited Lesley to come sailing with him for the sole purpose of asking her to be his wife. It had seemed simple enough when he’d come up with the idea, but when the time came, he found himself wavering, and not for the more obvious reasons.
Lesley wanted children; she’d told him so herself. Zane wanted an heir. The importance of a child hadn’t hit him until he fully contemplated his own demise. As a soldier for hire, he’d faced death with each assignment. He was good at what he did—very good—-and he knew it. But he was not invincible. When he waged war, he went into battle knowing the odds. He didn’t make mistakes.
Call it vanity. Call it ego. Call him a fool. But for the first time in his life, Zane owned a part of his family’s history. He possessed a small piece of himself to hand down to the next generation. Since moving to Sleepy Valley, he found it vital to know that when he left this life, a part of himself would live on.
The house had played a role in his decision to propose to Lesley. She loved the place almost as much as he did. Her appreciation and deep regard for his grandparents’ home had shown in her ideas for the renovation. She’d captured the very essence of his home and her designs had brought out the natural beauty in each and every room.
But it was more than that.
Zane recalled how she’d instinctively located the viewpoint that had meant so much to his grandmother. Before he’d told her, she’d been intuitively drawn to the one spot on the entire estate that held special meaning.
After being with Lesley, Zane felt as if God, in His almighty wisdom, had offered one last chance. He’d sent a beautiful, magnificent woman into Zane’s life at the eleventh hour. Zane believed Lesley was his destiny.
Yet, when the moment came to propose, his throat had closed up and his tongue had felt three times its normal size. What he had assumed would be easy became difficult.
