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“I was sick while you were away.”
The laughter drained out of his eyes. “Sick. Did you see a doctor?”
“Yes, right away.”
“And?”
This was the moment she’d been waiting for. “And,” she said, struggling to hold her happiness inside her just a moment longer, “he told me the most incredible news. Oh, Zane, we’re going to have a baby.”
“A baby,” he repeated slowly.
He sounded as shocked as she’d been when Dr. Wilson had delivered the news.
“Isn’t it wonderful?”
“A baby,” he repeated. “That’s wonderful, Lesley.” She gave him an odd look. She would have staked her life that he’d be as thrilled as she was, but from the indescribable pain that came into his eyes, one would think this was the worst thing that could have happened to them.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LONG BEFOREZANE ACCEPTEDa mission, he carefully calculated each aspect of the operation. He studied every minute detail, every potential for disaster. He accepted full responsibility for his men, drilled them on technique, and was known to be a stickler for detail.
With a history of such caution, it shocked him that he married Lesley with so little forethought. He’d gone into the marriage with his head in the clouds. He’d assumed he could live with her, make love to her and, when the time came, walk away from her and feel nothing.
In light of what he’d discovered in Paris, learning she was pregnant was a blessing. He had to leave her. God help him, he didn’t want to go, but he had no more excuses. To linger might put Lesley in danger. No longer could he rationalize staying with her.
In the past, dying hadn’t worried him. He’d flirted with danger most of his adult life, challenged the odds, stared death and deception in the face without a trace of reluctance.
It wasn’t dying that plagued him now, it was leaving Lesley and their child. He had to do it soon, otherwise he doubted that he could dredge up the courage to go. Courage. A trait he’d possessed in abundance until he met a warmhearted architect who loved him enough to look beyond his scars, beyond his faults, and selflessly offer him her love.
Zane experienced a deep, spiraling pain. He’d failed Lesley in so many ways. He had to tell her, had to give her an explanation, but he hadn’t considered that until she’d told him about the baby. He rubbed a hand down his face and leaned back in the leather chair as he contemplated the unpleasantness of the task. She deserved to know that when he left, it was highly unlikely he’d return.
Moonlight softly illuminated the library, casting golden shadows against the book-lined walls. Sleep had escaped him from the moment Lesley had joyously announced her news.
Zane realized his reaction had puzzled her. She’d thought he’d be happy, and he was, more than she’d ever realize. But the pregnancy was his signal. Mission accomplished.
“Zane.” His wife’s soft voice interrupted his troubled thoughts.
Zane glanced her way guiltily. “What are you doing up?” he asked.
“I was going to ask you the same thing. This is the third night in a row you haven’t been able to sleep. Is something wrong?”
“Not a thing,” he promised.
“I can’t help thinking—” she paused and yawned loudly, placing her hand in front of her mouth “—there’s something wrong.”
“There’s nothing for you to worry about.”
She yawned again. She needed her sleep, more now than ever. A fierce protectiveness stole over him. “You should be in bed.”
“I don’t sleep well when you’re not there.”
Soon he’d be gone forever, he reminded himself. She’d best adapt now. He stood to escort her up the stairs so he could return to his solitude. He wrapped his arm around her waist and she leaned her head against his shoulder.
“I’d like to ask something of you,” Zane whispered, pressing his head to hers. The thought of her driving into the city every day had plagued him from the beginning. “Now that you’re pregnant, could you work from home?”
“Here?”
“I know your job is important to you, and that you’re a vital part of the firm, but I’ve never been comfortable with you making the long drive into Chicago every day.”
