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There was more clanking from the sideboard and then hurried steps out of the room. They could’ve stayed. Audience or not, nothing was holding me back from saying exactly what I felt. I’d buried it too long.
“You didn’t want me to be a part ofyourpeople. Now I am, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Well, too bad. I had the option and I took it. It was the best choice, and you’ll have to live with the fact that I’m one of you.”
My entire life I’d been looked upon as less than, but I hadn’t expected it from him. He might’ve been annoyed with me at times, not overly welcoming in the beginning, not wanting to be bothered, even, but he’d never treated me in a way that made me feel as if I were an inferior person. Until now. Until this moment. Until I was one of his kind, sullying up his bloodline or something.
“You mean best for your vengeance.” He leaned back, as if waiting for a defense of some sort.
I didn’t have one. Itwasbest for my vengeance, and I didn’t feel the need to defend anything about that.
“And?” I asked, throwing it back in his court.
“It doesn’t matter either way. I’m going to get this undone.” He smiled, just slightly, as if to make sure I was aware he still had the upper hand.
He could do that?
“Watch me,” he said, answering a question I hadn’t known I’d said aloud.
“What is so wrong with my being a Kradix? Am I that embarrassing? That unworthy?” There. It was out. If he had a problem with me, I’d rather he lay it all out on the table. It was easier than pretending he cared or thought better of me.
He stared, his eyes narrowed and his lips parted, as if I’d spewed gibberish.
He slowly leaned closer. “You don’t realize what it entails. You’ll be tied to defending this place for eternity.”
Eternity, always tied to Nowhere. Or footloose and fancy free, but so guilt-ridden I didn’t find any joy in life anyway? What did it matter? The only way I could wrap my head around having any kind of future was ending Herrick’s. To me, there was no other option.
“Fine.” I shrugged.
“Andme.”
“I can’t seem to shake you anyway, so what’s the difference?” I bit back, not caring if it was a low blow. I wasn’t the one trying to kick him out of an entire race.
“You still don’t get it.” He shook his head, as if I weren’t just spewing gibberish, but was too idiotic to grasp my situation. “Have you noticed that you can sense my presence a little more intently than anyone else? That you felt me nearing? Can recognize the sound of my steps?”
Wait. What? That wasn’t in my head? I hadn’t made that up? It wasn’t because I’d been so attracted to him, that I’d become hyperaware of his presence. This was a legitimate, real thing happening.
“A little, I guess…” All the fury that had been blowing the sails of my warship were suddenly dying as a larger implication shadowed the battlefield.
“What about this morning—if someone had asked where I was in this place, could you have pointed them in the direction?” He threw up his hand as if he were asking a hypothetical question.
I was fairly certain we were dwelling in facts now, and ones that might be unpleasant if not planned for.
“Maybe.” I shrugged. My anger was all but crowded out by impending doom as a strange need to be noncommittal overtook me. Each question, each word, was a noose around my insides growing tighter, and tighter, until I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to breathe.
“Have you noticed certain desires growing stronger?” He held up his hand, stopping me from having to answer as my face grew red hot. “You don’t have to say it. Iknowyou do. What you don’t know is that it will grow. And grow.”
With this, he was wrong. I’d wanted him way before today, whether I’d admitted it or not. There was barely a discernible difference from if I really had to measure from before the transition to now. I couldn’t figure out if that was for better or worse. It might’ve been nice to have something to blame it on.
“Can you…” I grabbed my coffee and took a sip, my mouth having gone bone dry. I took a few more sips, trying to center myself before I asked, “Can you just put this in layman’s terms for me? What exactly is it that I did?”
“I marked you, but as long as you weren’t fully Kradix, it was fine. There wasn’t a problem. But now that you are fully transitioned, we’re mated.” He crossed his arms as he waited for that little tidbit to sink in.
It was sinking like a stone in the ocean. “Is that like being married or something?”
“You wish it was like one of your human marriages that you could sign a piece of paper and undo. This isn’t nearly as easy.”
“What does that mean, exactly?” I swallowed, again feeling like I’d been gargling with dirt.
“It means nothing because we’re going to get it undone.” I’d barely digested what he said when he stood. “We’re leaving this afternoon to get this fixed.”
