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“What if this makes the mating final somehow?”
He froze, and I watched as some of the consequences of our actions were coming back into mind.
I stared up at him, not wanting him to stop. What I wanted was for him to say he didn’t care. That if he did get stuck with me, part of him might be happy about it.
He wasn’t speaking. He was looking at my lips, my face, but not saying a word.
“I don’t think we should… I think we should stop. To be on the safe side, you know?”
He stiffened, and a spark of hope lit in my chest.
“You’re right. We should. It could be a problem.”
He moved, leaning on his side, his muscles tense. I didn’t want to be right. What Iwantedwas him to want me enough to risk anything for me. To decide that being with me wasn’t just the worst fate—that he wanted me. His aversion to being stuck with me was so strong that even his current desire couldn’t overcome it.
I rolled onto my side, away from him.
I felt him dropping to his back. He didn’t say anything or try to convince me. He was probably lying there thinking he’d dodged a bullet.
“I’m going to go off-world and feel out a couple of possible sources in the morning. They have connections. They might know what Herrick is planning. Sorry. I should’ve mentioned it to you sooner.”
My thumping heart felt like it had just taken a sucker punch. I swallowed and then forced my voice to sound calm as I asked, “Do you want me to come?”
“No. I think it’s better if you stay.”
“Yeah, sure.”
I bit my lower lip, refusing to cry. I was not going to cry.
“Don’t start any trouble while I’m gone. Lie low, okay?” he said, as if he actually cared.
I uttered a vague “Uh huh,” because it was the only thing I was capable of getting out.
Chapter Fifteen
Kaden was gone. Would the people here think that was strange, considering we’d had our esposmata yesterday? Would they all look at me as if there was something wrong with me? Or maybe it wasn't a big deal? I barely knew these people, so their opinion shouldn’t matter, and yet I dreaded seeing the suspicion in their eyes, as if they’d sense how wrong last night had gone.
Maybe I should’ve asked him to stay, at least for a day or so, but I hadn’t been able to bring myself to do that. There was no way I’d have been able to beg him. He probably would’ve said no anyway, so it would’ve just been a horrific lesson in humility.
I headed downstairs, wondering what Tiber and Luisca would be thinking.
They were both in the kitchen, standing close and talking in hushed tones. Luisca’s head swung my way, and her forehead smoothed, the wrinkles fading as she smiled. “We didn’t think you’d be up this early.”
It was the same time I got up every day, but maybe she meant because of all the wine. I’d rather believe that than any other possible reason.
“How are you feeling today?” she asked as I dropped into a chair.
If she was judging me, she was doing a good job of hiding it. Her pity, on the other hand, might’ve needed some more camouflage.
“Not bad. I’m glad I have you both here together. I wanted to thank you for throwing that party for us. We both really appreciated it.” Hopefully they’d never know how bad the night had ended.
“Of course,” Tiber said, patting me on the shoulder. “You’re family now.” He walked over to the stove, pouring himself some tea, and then they both settled down at the table with me.
“Kaden had some stuff to do off-world today, but I’m guessing you probably know that,” I said. I took a biscuit, giving the cutting and buttering of it way more attention than needed.
They both smiled, this time a little stiffer.
Yeah, it was definitely weird that he’d left. It was written all over them. I shouldn’t care. Ididn’tcare, even if I was wishing I’d hidden in my room and not come out until everyone had gone to sleep again. I wasn’t even with Kaden. Well, I was, but only for now. I was feeling ashamed about a fake mate not wanting me in a fake relationship.
