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Kaden and Erquin talked as I squinted, trying to see if there was any trace of Herrick. No. He was gone.
We headed out.
“Would you have really let me kill him and break my oath?” I asked the second we were alone. The idea that I’d blown what might’ve been our only chance of killing Herrick was sitting in my gut like a month-old shellfish left out in the sun. I might’ve been able to kill Herrick and gotten us out alive. It could’ve happened.
Kaden stopped in front of our first stacked door. “If that’s what you felt you needed to do, yes.”
“Seriously? You try to stop me from doing things all the time, and yet on this you back me?”
Not only was he saying he’d have backed me, but he didn’t seem overly worked up about any of what had just happened. I was still twitching, and he was as calm as could be.
“This is different,” he said. “If you felt that you had to kill him in that moment in order to go on, then that’s what you needed to do.”
“What would’ve happened if I had killed him and gone against the oath?”
“We would’ve ended up fighting a multifront war.” He reached for the door and opened it, waiting for me.
“And you would’ve been okay with that, too?” I asked, waiting for an answer before I walked through.
“Like I said, if it’s something you had to do, I would’ve understood. What made you decide to not do it?”
“I don’t know. I guess it was something Soleil said to me.” That certainly wasn’t the whole reason, but it was all I was willing to share.
“She told you not to kill Herrick?” His eyebrows rose with his skepticism.
“She told me to follow my gut, do what I know is the right thing. As much as I want Herrick dead, betraying Erquin’s trust, soiling his reputation, didn’t seem like the right thing to do. Would you have killed him?”
“I didn’t lose the bracelet.” He smiled, his hand on my back, urging me through the door.
I didn’t budge. “But youmight’vekilled him?”
“I’m not certain I would’ve been able to walk away, whether or not that was the right thing or not. He tried to steal something from me.” His eyes narrowed, and the harshness of how he dealt with his enemies was hinted at in the set of his jaw.
“Yeah, I get it. Nowhere isn’t even mine, and I understand.”
He looked at me sort of weird, as if I were missing something, even though I’d agreed with what he’d said.
We made it through the rest of the stacked doors. Even though it was as painful as it had been the first time, I was still standing when we got back. My endurance for pain seemed to have grown.
We were walking home when Kaden said, “You realize Nowhere is yours now, too. You’re a full Kradix and mated to me.”
“I know it is at the moment.” He might find it easier to pretend than I did, but the fact that our situation, everything about us, was a charade never left my mind for long.
“Billie, I know I said I was going to get it undone, but I’m starting to believe that’s impossible.” He was somber, as if this news was as hard on me as him.
“I’m sure there’s a way.” I’d find a way. I wasn’t spending eternity with a man who got stuck with me, no matter what came along with it or how I might feel.
He stopped walking, turning so he was standing in front of me. “You just walked away from killing the man you did all of this for, because you didn’t think it was the right thing to do. What if trying to undo your transformation is also the wrong thing?”
“It’s different. We both know this is different.” As I stood there, facing off with him, stunned that I had to convince him that his initial decision was correct, a strange feeling grew in me.
I looked around and noticed he was doing the same.
“You feel it too?” I asked.
“Yes. Let’s get moving. There are people here.”
There, in the center courtyard, was Farrow, looking around at the buildings, with six other older men behind him, all dressed in long, flowing capes and making somewhat of a show of themselves. They were slowly turning, pointing to different aspects, as if appraising possible purchases or something.
