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I should’ve pushed him away immediately, but maybe there was a reason for this show? It was hard not to give in when all I really wanted to do was press into him.
He was the one who broke off the kiss, glancing around as if surveying the area. For what, I wasn’t sure.
“What are you doing? You kiss me like we’re really kissing.”
“I don’t know another way to kiss.” He was smirking at me, as if this were all fun and games.
“I’m not sure this is a good idea,” I said, my palms flat on his chest. Maybe it was an amusement for him, but this was feeling a little too real for my liking.
“Why? Are you going to lose yourself over a few kisses? Become unable to think clearly?” he asked in a mocking tone.
Yes.But the only thing worse than my body’s reaction to him was admitting it aloud.
He was right, though. What were a few kisses? Was I such a ninny that I couldn’t keep the act going for a little while if it made everyone else feel better? They had too much on the horizon for any other stress.
“I need to get back. I don’t want them to think we’re doing something.” I did have a line I wouldn’t cross, even for them, and that was having everyone think we were rutting in the bushes.
He tightened his arms around me, the playful look disappearing. “If I asked you to stay behind with Tiber, would you?”
“Why would you even suggest such a thing? I’m doing really well. I’m one of the strongest people here, and—”
“It’s not your performance. You’ve exceeded every expectation in every way.” He rested a hand on the tree beside my head, looking off in the distance as if he were struggling to even have this discussion.
“Then why would you want me to stay behind? You need me to win this fight. They need me, and I need to be there.”
“Because you were poisoned. Herrick wants you dead.” He looked back to me, clearly pained by the words.
Sometimes this man made no sense. He was looking at me as if this were a logical reason.
“He wants us all dead. Everyone. Cookie, Dice, Connor—they could all die, butthey’regoing. Luisca has two children she’s leaving so she can go fight. I’m not hiding. I’m not staying behind.”
“You’rea bigger target.”
“And that’s why I have to go. That’s part of the plan, and we both know it.” I’d been one of the people formulating it. He’d been right there beside me as we all worked through our options.
“I still don’t like it.”
He was staring at me as if he really couldn’t fathom losing me. He’d completely lost himself to this magic.
“It’s that mating bond again, isn’t it? It’s making you crazy, thinking all sorts of things that aren’t true.”
“Or maybe your getting killed isn’t sitting with me right? Did you ever consider that could be it?”
He shook his head, like he was sick of hearing how he might be getting led astray by feelings that weren’t really there.
Anger was better than how he’d acted before. Anger I could handle. Anger wasn’t fake love or caring. The mating bond had him all messed up, and he couldn’t wrap his brain around it.
“You shouldn’t need me to explain this to you,” I said.
“You’re right. I don’t need you to keep telling me how I feel.” At least he’d taken a step back away from me. It was a little progress, even if part of me preferred the act.
“Then don’t tell me I shouldn’t go when we both know I should. You need me there, and so do they.” I motioned in the direction of the group still working out together. “I’ll save lives, my being there, and we all know it.”
“Fine. You want to be there, I won’t fight you on it any more, but I’m not going easy on you. You’re going to be ready.”
“You mean having grown men twice my size was going easy? I’d love to see what you think of as rough.”
* * *
