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I grabbed the toy bat in the corner, a gift from Buddie to Charlie, and crept toward the stairway.
Duncan was leaning on the door. Even in the dim light I could see his eyes fixed on me. Could feel the heaviness he’d brought with him.
I’d gone from a very successful run of limiting our conversations for months to abject failure.
I crept down the stairs.“What are you doing here?”
I didn’t wait for him to answer and made my way into the kitchen, putting water on the wood stove. I’d need a coffee or a tea if I was going to have to deal with whatever he’d come to tell me now. I’d take whatever small amount of extra energy I could get. Every time I saw him, it was like jumping into the ocean with a thousand paper cuts. As much as I was awed by the beauty and the vitality, I was tired of the burn. I’d rather sit by my puddle in peace.
“Do you realize what you’re getting into with this ceremony?” he asked, following me into the kitchen.
I usually loved the coziness of this cottage, but it always felt too small as soon as he walked in.
“How could I when I didn’t know therewasa ceremony? I’m surprised you have the nerve to ask that when you should’ve been the one to tell me.” I busied myself with the water so Ihad an excuse to not give him my full attention. Even half of my attention was too much.
“Because Groza and I both thought it was for the best if you didn’t do it.”
Not only was he with her, but now they were making my decisions for me—together. If he’d wanted to stop me, this was the worst way to go about it. Maybe shifters, with their pack ways, thought differently, but he might as well have just held a gun to my head and told me to go through with the ceremony.
“And why, in your great wisdom and joint counsel with Groza on your chilly, wintry nights in bed, did you decide that it was a bad idea?”
“You’re twisting this. It wasn’t pillow talk. It was a conversation that came about due to the health of the pack.”
Pillow talk.That had been a reminder I could’ve done without. The guy didn’t know how to stop digging. Apparently he was tunneling a course to China.
“Well, it’s my choice, not yours. Not Groza’s. I’ve decided to do it.”
“Kicks talked you into this. He goaded you.”
“I can make decisions on my own. I know it might seem like a shock and all, but I do it constantly.”
I turned to go fix my French press, and he grabbed my shoulders, spinning me to face him and holding me there. His touch was a bittersweet reminder of the past, one I kept trying to forget. But he kept bringing it back to the surface.
“You’re human. We have no idea what this might do to you. You need to change your mind.”
So that was the problem. The whole “human” thing. He’d finally put down the shovel, but only to hop onto a backhoe.
“Well, I’m not going to. Jaysa made me her successor—she made me the guide, and she did it for a reason. She obviously saw something in me, and I’m sure everything will work out.”Unfortunately, I had zero confidence in anything Jaysa had done, or her thought processes. But it would still be fine, because it had to be for Charlie.
“She was a shifter who was always selfish and more than a little crazy.”
So now Jaysa was crazy? That was why she’d done it? Why had this man even kissed me if he thought so little of who I was? If I didn’t want to avoid that subject like a bad case of Ebola, I might’ve asked him. But that was a subject better left dead, like so many others between us.
“Why are you here talking to me about this? We aren’t together. It’s not your place.”
“I’m the only reason you’re here. I’m also the co-alpha of this pack. I have a say in this.”
“Well, according to Kicks, you don’t have a say.” I knew the second I mentioned Kicks that I’d hit my target, even before I saw the flare of anger burning in his eyes.
“Not only could it be dangerous, it could change you.” He was still holding on to my shoulders, as if he couldn’t let go.I wasn’t quite good enough to keep, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to anyway.
That was the heart of the problem. As long as he wanted me here, I’d never be fully welcomed. In a way, I couldn’t even blame Groza for trying to oust me. None of us could go on like this indefinitely. If he’d come here to discourage me, he’d done the exact opposite. I needed leverage, more strength and options. I might have to leave this pack, and no one would want me if I wasn’t truly a guide.
Watching Duncan and Groza play house had turned out to be less fun than I’d ever imagined. As far as Charlie, it was better for him as well. It was only a matter of time before he realized Groza’s hatred of me would eventually spill over onto theirrelationship. There was no way she’d ever truly give him a fair shake, not the way she felt about me.
“Again, that’s not your problem,” I said.
“You’re not listening to me because we kissed, but I’m trying to help you.”
