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We hadn’t really spoken in months, not since we’d both moved on in our new roles. He’d become Groza’s mate, and I’d become the spiritual guide. A handful of hellos and goodbyes, and only those when there were people watching and it would be awkward to say nothing at all. Even standing in the cottage alone with him made my senses heighten, all too aware of the long list of things wewouldn’tdiscuss at all. The things that truly mattered. Like how he had moved on as Groza’s mate as if it were the easiest thing in the world, and yet all I did was mourn what could’ve been?
His gaze met mine and then lowered for a minute, as if he was thinking the same thought but could not bring himself to mention it either.
A heavy silence hung in the air for a few seconds before he said, “There are going to be some other alphas coming to visit, and I wanted you to have a heads-up before they got here.”
“What does this have to do with me? I’m assuming they’re coming to visit you and Groza.” Even speaking her name mademy throat feel raw, like I needed to go gargle with salt water to kill off a virus. I leaned a hip on the counter and shrugged, trying to look as relaxed as he did. I might have been too aggressive trying to appear at ease and given myself a crick in my neck.
I reached up, trying to ease the shooting pain out of it while he watched with a frown. “I slept on it wrong.”
He nodded, not looking convinced.
I cleared my throat, waiting for him to continue.
He seemed to take the hint, because he said, “They’re going to be here for a little while, taking up residence nearby with some of their packs while we sort out what’s next.”
“What’s next?” I’d thought weweredoing what was next, rebuilding some sort of life in the middle of a historic community. What else was there to do? This was life now. There was no longer a grid, an internet, or an advanced society, at least not anytime in the near future, from the looks of it.
“Yes. What’s next. We still don’t know why everyone died on Death Day, or what was behind it, but I guarantee you it wasn’t an accident. It was planned. Someone or something will be stepping into the power vacuum it created, and we need to be prepared for that.”
We?He might’ve grown up in a pack, and maybe I was now considered part of that pack, but that didn’t mean I was going to be lock, stock, and barrel with whatever he and Groza decided. This place wasn’t run like a democracy but a monarchy. I wasn’t looking to swear fealty to anyone, and right now I was more concerned about getting him out of my cottage.
“Okay, well, thanks for the warning about the company, but I have a lot to do today.”
He didn’t budge. “These alphas might want to talk to you, considering your position in the pack.”
Position in the pack?I wasn’t only a member now, but I was one who warranted a talk with the alphas of other packs?
“Why would they want to speak to me?” Were they going to ask me questions I couldn’t answer? If they asked anything about what I was, what I was doing, what I could do, I was going to start babbling like a brook overflowing. The pack might’ve viewed me as an esteemed member now, but I was still trying to figure out why.
“Not every pack has a spiritual guide. In most cases, they don’t. Jaysa was at the heart of it, the guide for the entire East Coast. There is a chance they might try to see if you’re open to moving.”
The more he spoke, the stiffer he looked. I loved every second of it. I wanted him so stiff and uncomfortable that he made me look like a pile of Silly Putty.
“I didn’t know moving to a new pack was an option.” I hadn’t meant to say it, and definitely not with the touch of glee in my voice.
But I had options? I wasn’t sure how I could leave this place for so many reasons, starting with Charlie most of all. He’d lost both parents, and then I’d dragged him across the country. He’d had to watch a woman he’d come to think of as a surrogate grandmother die during the journey. He’d just gotten settled in here, and I was going to jerk him around again?
But what I’d give to not have to see Duncan every day. Time heals all wounds, but I couldn’t get this hurt to scab over because he was everywhere. I couldn’t go to the nightly roast because he might be there. I didn’t want to walk down the street because I might see him and Groza.
“You look as if you’d consider it.” The tendons in his neck looked strung so tight that he could’ve used them as a slingshot. His shoulders rose and fell as he tried to control his breathing along with his temper.
“And you’re looking as if it would be a betrayal. I don’t see it that way. At. All.” I might’ve once, but those days were long gone, and he’d best understand it.
“You’re saying it isn’t?” His voice grew deeper, as if he couldn’t keep his feelings on the matter buried.
The way I saw it, there was only one thing that would make it a betrayal, and that was if we were together. The fact he now lived with Groza made that the farthest thing from being together. This was the closest we’d ever gotten to approaching the subject of his moving out of my and Charlie’s cabin and in with the blonde bane of my existence.
“No, as I just said, I don’t see how it would be.”
Buddie had tried to plant the seed that maybe he was with Groza just for me. That he’d bartered himself to save Charlie. Initially, it had held some water, softened my feelings toward him. Then the days had passed, things had kept happening, like the wood, and he’d continually turned a blind eye. I might not have complained to anyone, but the guys were noticing. I was sure they’d said things, and still it continued on. He’d clearly picked a side, and that was Groza’s, and now he had the nerve to wonder why I’d want to leave?
He shook his head. “It must be nice to live in your world, where everything is so crisp, all black and white. Not a shade of gray to be found.”
“Yes, actually, it is. Going forward, perhaps you should have Buddie deliver your messages. I think things would go smoother that way.” I nodded toward the front door.
“That’s where we’re at? We can’t have a civil conversation?” His eyes burned into me.
“Yes, that’s where we’re at.” He’d made his bed. He could go lie in it with her.
