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The door was shut before I finished yelling.
I’d just finished closing all the cabinets when the door opened. I thought it was going to be Charlie, with Buddie in tow.
Then I heard Duncan’s voice. “I noticed your wood is gone. I’ll tell the guys to stop taking yours when they run low. It’s ridiculous that they keep doing that.”
That was where he thought it all went? Or that was what he wanted to believe, because it was easier than acknowledging his mate was a psychopath? Most likely the latter.
I used to think Duncan saw so much, but he had an uncanny ability to go blind at the most convenient times. If or when things got bad—and they looked as if they were going to—would he step in and help me? He had in the past, but it hadn’t really cost him anything. Now the price might be steep, and I wasn’t confident he’d pay it.
“It’s fine,” I said.
I moved around the kitchen, straightening up the crumbs and mess the goons had left when they carried out all my food, doing my best to ignore Duncan’s presence. I used to berate myself for always trying to catch a glimpse of him in the distance. On some level, I’d liked being in the same pack, even if we weren’t together. It had given me some false sense of solace. I’d never felt quite as alone.
But realizing how he’d repeatedly let me down, and was still letting me down, was bringing me nothing but pain. I saw him and remembered the foolish kisses, how I’d craved his touch, all while never measuring up to what he expected in a mate, which was a shifter, with a sprinkle of insanity and lots of vindictiveness. No, I’d never match up to his current mate. The ups and downs of the Duncan ride were giving me motion sickness, and I was ready to hop off for good.
“How was your trip?” His voice was so rough it sounded like it had been run through with a chainsaw.
I turned, throwing my rag down on the counter. “Stop coming around. You damned well shouldn’t want to talk to me, and if you can’t tell your mate you’re here, clearly it’s not a great idea.”
He took a step toward me. “I’m trying to make the best of a bad situation. I worry about you.”
“If it was so bad, you shouldn’t have chosen to be with her.” I crossed my arms, hating him right now, hating the conversation, and yet part of me felt relief at getting those words out.
“Groza wouldn’t help change Charlie unless I agreed. I did it for you and him,” he said, taking another step that closed the gap between us.
I felt like I’d been jerked physically in his direction, but Kicks’ words still haunted me, so much so they were like a physical barrier between Duncan and me.
“Did you fight with her about it?” I asked.
“There was no talking to her.”
“But did you even mention a different agreement? Try to negotiate a different deal?”
His silence was answer enough.
“So you just agreed?”
He stood there, not speaking a word in his defense. There was the truth. He hadn’t fought for me for a second. He’d rolled over.
“I was saving Charlie.”
He came another step closer. Soon he’d be right beside me if I didn’t stop him. I would stop him, too, because the fear of how he might truly feel was now confirmed. It didn’t just feel like a wall in between us anymore, but an immovable mountain.
How had Kicks known? Had he heard some gossip? Had he figured it out because that was how he would’ve felt? I couldn’t even think of that right now. I had to take one betrayal, one gigantic hit, at a time.
“You were saving Charlie, and for that I will be eternally grateful. On a level you probably can’t even fathom, saving him will always make me love you to some degree.” I took a deep, shuddering breath, knowing I had to get the rest of this out or I’d always regret it. “But in the end, you didn’t put up a fight or even suggest a different outcome because you didn’t think it would be that bad, did you? You thought maybe it would be for the best for you, and the pack, to be with her, not me, as your mate.”
“You need to understand, I didn’t think they’d ever accept you. I was wrong. I made the worst mistake of my life.”
Sure. That was how he felt now that things had changed so much. Now that I had other options.
“What if I’d never become the guide? Would it have been a mistake then too?”
“How can I answer questions about a situation that isn’t reality?”
“I can. Nothing could’ve changed how I felt about you.”
“You didn’t have anything to lose. I did.”
