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Keeping some of the mushrooms was just another indication he didn’t trust Groza, but was that enough to make me trust him with what had been said? No. I was still a human, and I couldn’t afford to ever forget that again.
The kitchen was empty. I’d been hoping for Evangeline’s presence to help stave off the questions. Except they didn’t seem to be coming. As we silently divided up the mushrooms, it became clear he was waiting for me to speak. But I didn’t. I kept waiting for him to ask, but he didn’t.
“That looks pretty good,” he said, eyeing the two bags. We locked eyes for a couple seconds, the silence damning.
He still didn’t ask.
I didn’t offer. The tension in the room multiplied as it became clear exactly where we both stood at this moment without either of us saying a word.
He broke the silence first. “I’ll run these upstairs and then drop the other half over at the pack. I shouldn’t be gone too long.” He took a step toward the door.
“Alone?” Was that story about not being able to hear my conversation with Lola nothing but a test? Was he mad at me for not speaking, or because he already knew everything that had been said?
“Did you want to come?” he asked, taking a step back and leaning on the counter. “Because if you do, they’ll have questionsabout why Lola wanted to see you, what she wanted to talk to you about. It’s pretty obvious you don’t want to discuss any of it.”
“You’re right. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry.” I crossed my arms, regretting having stopped him. I should’ve let him leave. Why did I force a confrontation if I didn’t want to say anything? He was going to be angry at me, and I still wasn’t going to speak. Nothing would change.
He nodded slowly, but I couldn’t see a speck of rage, or even a low-burning annoyance. No, it was worse. He looked like he’d expected me to open up, tell him everything, and I hadn’t.
“I understand,” he said. “You don’t trust me yet, and that’s okay. But at some point, you’re going to have to take a leap of faith. Or not.” He shrugged.
As if it were just that easy to be like,Hey, I trust you now because you took me in when you wanted a guide? I wasn’t sure what the “or not” choice entailed, but it was already making me flinch, as if he’d cursed me out.
“You act as if I’ve got every reason to open up to you.” I took a couple steps away, ready to walk out onhimnow. Yeah, he’d taken me in here, but it wasn’t as if he wasn’t getting something out of it.
He followed me, stepping in front of me when I would’ve left. “I get it. You’ve been burned, and it’s going to take you a while. I’d just thought we had gotten past that.”
“You get it,for now.” I should’ve known better than having this discussion. They were all the same. They wanted what they wanted, when they wanted it.
“Can you blame me for hoping this isn’t the way it will always be?” he said, getting even closer until I was looking up at him.
It didn’tsoundas if he were going to toss me if I didn’t change.
“You didn’t mean that like an ultimatum?” I asked, my voice almost a whisper.
“I gave you an out to leave. You agreed to stay. Where would you get the idea I’d tell you to leave?” he asked, as if he couldn’t fathom how I’d come up with such a crazy idea.
I shrugged in response. The scars still on my heart could explain it, but I didn’t have the strength to break it down for him. That I could even compare this situation to the one I’d just been in was obviously an alien idea to him. The difference was so stark, it almost made me want to go march over to Groza and Duncan and tell them nothing, just because I could.
“Actually, I want to go with you to drop off the mushrooms.”
He watched me as if he could see the cogs and wheels in my brain spinning. He grinned slightly before he said, “Then let’s go.”
He were headed toward the lobby when Charlie came running down the hall toward us.
“Are you going to the pack? Crackers said you were probably going there.”
“Yes. I’ve got to run over for a few minutes.” I gave his shoulders a little hug as he ran into my side.
“Can I come? I haven’t seen Paz or Minks in forever. I miss them.”
“It’s fine if you want to bring him,” Kicks said. “Marbo shouldn’t affect him yet. It doesn’t typically hit children. Even if it did, with the mushrooms it’s an easy fix, and he’s going to get exposed at some point. Might be better for him to get it while we have a treatment on hand.” Kicks gave me a look as if to say,Because we might not at some point.
Even if those mushrooms used to be plentiful, it didn’t mean they would be going forward. Anyone who’d made it through Death Day had learned a tough lesson about relying upon the status quo.
“Okay. Come on. Let’s go see your friends.”
We dropped Charlie off at the schoolyard, where his friends were playing. It felt a little like a throwback chicken pox party—not that his friends appeared sick the way they all took off chasing each other and laughing.
