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I scoffed. “Calvin Ryder is a jackass. I wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole.”
“Except that time you let him stick his tongue down your throat and nearly let him fuck you.”
“Delia!” I shouted. “I told you that in confidence!”
Delia only shrugged. “There’s no such thing in this family.”
I groaned, knowing she was right. When Ella and Brie made noises of protest at being out of the loop, I quickly told them about that night five years ago.
“Wait wait wait,” Ella said, throwing her hands up in the air, and I couldn’t help but smile. This was the most animated I’d seen her in ages, and it felt like getting a small piece of the old Ella back. The one who favored florals over black and wore a lot less eyeliner. “You’re telling me he was seconds away from fucking you, and when he found out who you were, he called you a party princess and said he wasn’t risking his job for a one night stand? Who the fuck does he think he is?”
“That’s what I’ve been telling you guys for years. The animosity between us isn’t just some childish butting of the heads like Daddy has always thought—like I’ve always let you guys believe. He…”
“He hurt you.” Brie said it so simply that I should’ve realized the truth of the matter a long time ago.
“Yeah,” I said quietly.
Thoughts of that night had continued to plague me for years, even when I was in Europe having the time of my life, burying myself in school and work—and okay, having a casual fling or ten. For the longest time, I thought the reason it stuck with me so incessantly was because I was embarrassed, and because he worked for our company so there was truly no getting away from him. He had his hand in everything I did; Iknewhe’d be the one reviewing my spending habits and reconciling the books. I knew every time my dad called me to gently warn me about going overboard with the dinners and the club nights that it was at Calvin’s urging.
It never stopped me because I knew Dad didn’t really care—and because I was using my own money. Truthfully, I liked pissing Calvin off. I liked picturing his face scrunching up in annoyance and the anger that would course through his veins every time the credit card statements came across his desk. Giving Calvin the middle finger from nearly four thousand miles away had been a blast.
I didn’t realize until Brie stated it so plainly that hehadhurt me. Having a man who I had such an intense and immediate physical connection to—and let’s be real, more than that, even after only a few hours together—make such snap judgements about me and my character had me reeling for weeks after that night.
It’s why I’d jumped into bed with Owen so quickly in the aftermath. I’d been willing to do anything to make myself feel better, and the sexy, retired NFL quarterback more than satisfied that urge.
Not to mention, Owen had become such a great friend after we stopped hooking up that it ended up being the best thing that could’ve happened.
But still…when someone repeatedly threw derogatory remarks out about your character, constantly undermined your work ethic and values, and generally seemed to abhor everything about you as a person—it was hard to stop those thoughts from weaseling their way in and taking root in your mind.
It was hard to stop yourself from believing they were right about you.
“So what happened the other day?” Brie asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Ugh,” I groaned, slapping a palm over my face. “I let him kiss me.”
“Like a peck or…” Delia prompted.
“Definitely ‘or,’” I said, giggling and sighing. “He crashed my lunch with Mom and Dad, and the proceeded to make comments that pissed me off so much I told him ‘fuck you’ and stormed away. Mom and I had a good chat in the cellar, but I hung out down there for a bit after she went back up. You know, to collect myself. And I guess Daddy chewed him a new one, because he came looking for me.”
I told them about our conversation, how I finally spilled the beans on my MBA. That damn “some state school” comment had been the last straw for me.
“One minute, he was giving me his shirt because I was freezing, and the next he had my legs wrapped around his waist as he pressed me into the wall and stuck his tongue in my mouth.”
“What happened after that?” Brie asked. “Because when I saw you, you definitely didn’t look like a woman who just had her world rocked by a kiss.”
“He’s so frustrating!” I said, leaping to my feet and diving my fingers into my hair, pulling on the strands at my temples. The sting grounded me. “He told me how he’s wanted me for so long, but like…how can I trust anything he says? So I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, and I ran.”
Once again, my hand flew to my lips, the ghost of his kisses still lingering even days later.
“But youdostill want him, don’t you?” Ella asked.
“What? No!”
“Mar…” all three of my sisters said in unison, giving me matching looks that told me to get real and stop lying—to them and myself.
“Fine, I want him!” It was the first time I’d admitted it out loud, and honestly, it felt freeing to finally get it off my chest. “I’d happily get into bed with Calvin Ryder and let him put that wicked mouth to good use for once.”
“So…why don’t you?” Delia asked.
