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He laughed a little at my expression. “Here, let me get the jam.”
“Jam?”
“It’s a Russian tradition, my babushka used to do it the old way where you put the spoonful of jam in your mouth and suck the tea through, but I like to mix it in instead of honey. Is strawberry all right?”
“I’ve never tried.” But I hesitated only a second. “Um, sure.”
A big dollop of strawberry jam later, the tea was not only sweetened, but had a new note to its flavor, making it taste richer. “Okay, I get why you do this now.” I sipped appreciatively.
He finished stirring some into his own drink and nodded. “Yes, it’s far less boring than sugar.” He continued scrolling through the various files, pausing to eat one of the delicious spicy ginger cookies—pryaniki, he said they were called—then frowning thoughtfully now and again.
“Dimitri?”
He looked up. “Hmm?”
“You’re not just telling me that Michelle’s alive to keep me calm, are you?”
He smiled and laid his large hand over my small one, rubbing his thumb over the back in a way that both soothed me and sent a twinge of desire through me.
“No. I genuinely think I can get you your daughter back alive, Alissa. I think it was heartless for the police to tell you to give up hope, no matter what they believe. As soon as I can make it possible, you will have your child.”
Chapter 8
Gregor
Ifelt like an asshole as I drove home later that afternoon. I had gone through every bit of evidence Alissa had gathered and promised I’d get her daughter back. But not for the reasons she thought. And not as fast as she deserved. I had to protect the bratva, who were connected to this mess thanks to the Ivanovs, and that meant lying to her. When I’d left my apartment earlier, I had hated myself the moment I’d closed the door once more, keeping Michelle from her mother. I just needed to figure out the story of how I would ‘find’ her, and then she could go back home where she belonged. Lying never sat comfortably with me.
An honest man who put what was right ahead of his business interests would have told her the whole truth and put her baby in her arms. Instead, here I was pretending to be anything but a mob hitter, while appearing to investigate some of my pakhan’s own people and then coming home to her missing little girl.
I wish I could at least tell her that Michelle was safe. That she didn’t need to worry. Damn it. But my oaths to the organization had to come before my emotions. I wasn’t the best of men, but I tried to be an honorable one.
My little rose…Alissa looked good these days, despite her ordeal. She had grown out her hair, but was still wearing rose perfume and that soft pink lipstick. If anything, the years hadmade her even sexier. Or perhaps I had just forgotten how much of an effect she had on me.
I had spent the entire meeting wanting to be closer to her. Wanting her in my arms, wanting her soft, bare body against mine, wanting to feel her trembling under me again. Wanting to make her beg.
But I was lying to her, and she hadn’t gotten her baby back yet. And until she did, and we could put all this behind us, I had no business coaxing Alissa back into my bed.
Michelle was at least doing better. No more hiding when she was startled, no more waking me up screaming from night terrors. She built multicolored castles from her Legos and drew banners to fly from their walls.
So far, she had seemed content to stay in the apartment with her new cat friend and the toys I had gotten her. I hoped she wasn’t afraid of the outside world, but right now, I could not afford to check, and risk being seen. I knew I couldn’t keep her like this for long. The poor kid had been held captive for a year of her life, she deserved to run and play. She still hadn’t spoken. Not one single word. I didn’t know if she’d been talking before her kidnapping, but it was likely. Now she was mouse-quiet. Trauma? Self-protection? Some nastily enforced order from her kidnappers? Whatever had stolen her voice, I was going to help her get it back once she was safe with her mother. If I had to pay for a damn speech pathologist, I would. If I had to pay for therapy, fine. I wanted to right this wrong, and not just because a real piece of shit example of my people had done this to her. Nor was it simply because the child could be mine.
It was both those things, and what passed for my sense of honor. Beyond that, it was because this was Alissa’s child.
Alissa, the only woman I had never forgotten. The only one I had ever regretted walking away from.
Sometimes, her cries of pleasure would invade my dreams, and I would remember how she’d clung to me and begged for more. I’d been so hot for her that we’d gone through all four rubbers I’d had on me. That hadn’t happened since I had been a dumbass kid falling madly in love with every girl who slept with me.
If a baby came out of all of that I wasn’t actually all that surprised, I thought as I pulled into the parking garage. I never came so hard with any other woman either. And now she was within reach, and I was going home alone with my balls aching because of principles.
Once mother and child were reunited, I would see if Alissa was involved with anyone, and if not, if she wanted to be. We had been so good together for a night, and now that I’d seen her at her worst, I had lost none of my attraction to her. Instead, I wanted to fix everything for her, and then see to the business of sweeping her off her feet.
Once everything was all right again, I’d also ask for a DNA test, and we’d take it from there on the potential fatherhood thing. That, I was still wrapping my head around, even though the kid in question was already four and, if perhaps temporarily, in my life.
Could I be her biological father? And if so, was I cut out to be Michelle’s dad? And if I got invested in her or Alissa, what would happen if they learned the truth about me and ran?
It might end up that one day, Alissa would find out what I really did for a living. But perhaps before then I could convince her that I was a good man. And a good man for her.
Ifelt ridiculous. She might have been willing to co-parent with me, but a relationship? What would that even look like? Even if Alissa could somehow accept it, what would we tell Michelle? Could either of them have a normal life if connected to me?
