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I had to clear the air about this. I would have owed him that even if he hadn’t just put himself out there for me financially and in terms of work and personal risk. That meant that now Ireallyneeded to let him know the truth.
“You look like you have something to tell me,” he said quietly as I poured his drink. “I’m assuming it’s not about someone gifting you a bottle of Laphroaig.”
“Accountants tend to have well-off clients. Some of them are cheap as hell, some are generous.” I patted the bottle that I couldn’t enjoy. “I keep it for guests.” My chipper tone faltered and died, and I sighed. “Yeah,” I admitted finally. “I do, but I’m not sure how you’re going to take it.”
He smiled at me, the gentleness of his expression appearing a little strange on his craggily handsome face. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not some pig. Even if you pissed me off, I don’t hurt women.”
I wondered if that was a lie or a generalization. I didn’t like the odds of any woman stupid enough to physically attack him or anyone he cared about. “No, it’s just…I feel like telling you this now might put extra pressure on you when it comes to finding Michelle, and that’s probably a bad idea.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Did you find something new out?”
“No, just something I’ve never really known what to do about. Mostly because I didn’t have any way of reaching you.” My smile probably looked very awkward. “Not that I’m complaining. I know what we agreed to. It’s just—”
“Sit down next to me,” he urged, and I did. His hand settled on my shoulder, and I felt it all through me. “What is it you’re trying to tell me?”
“Look, I don’t have a DNA test to prove it to you, but Michelle is yours.” I sagged slightly, the effort of pushing out those words leaving me emotionally raw. I looked up at him, worried as I wondered what I would see in his eyes.
He stayed calm, and it didn’t feel like the stiff-shouldered fake calm that Alan and my father both used to fill up the room with. It didn’t scare me. I relaxed a tiny bit as he said, “Go on.”
“There was no one after you. Not for a long time, not until after she was born. I swear to God, you’ve pretty much ruined me for mediocre men,” I said nervously. “I just couldn’t bring myself to sleep with anyone for years. It was like I could tell a guy would be selfish in the sack, and I was so turned off that I kept walking away.”
He took a mouthful of his scotch, savoring it for a few seconds before downing it. “Well, I’m very flattered to hear I raised the bar for you.”
Then he winked and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from giggling like an idiot. He dazzled me. I didn’t think it was just the sex either. It was just something about him.
“Well, you did. Which means that by the time I dated anyone for any length of time, Michelle had long since been born.” I had trouble meeting his eyes. “It was…unexpected. I know we used condoms, but Michelle showed up anyway. And now that we’re back in contact, you deserve to know. If you want to do a DNA test, I’ll understand.”
“No. I will eventually when we get her back, but I believe you.” He licked his lips, looking down thoughtfully. I watched the tip of his tongue move and had to squeeze my legs together. “Yet another reason to get her back to you as soon as possible.”
I took a steadying breath. “Once that happens…what then?”
He hesitated. I could tell there was more he wanted to tell me about his feelings, but I didn’t blame him for holding back. We didn’t really know each other well, as much as I wanted to.
“Whatever happens, you and our daughter will be taken care of. As for you and I…you should know that before now, I avoided any long-term relationships.”
“I’m not trying to put any pressure on you,” I said quickly, my heart sinking. I didn’t want him just sticking with me because I was his baby’s mother. I wasn’t trying to trap him. I wanted him to want to be with me.
“No, the pressure is a matter of circumstances and my ethics. You are not manipulating me to put me where you want me—we have a child together, and I’m assuming you chose to keep her thinking we would never meet again.”
“I always expected to take sole responsibility for her,” I agreed. “I’m not the sort of woman who—”
“No, of course not. Besides, I’m very difficult to manipulate. I’m man enough to step up and look after my own child, and the one raising her.” A flick of his eyebrow. “You’re not wishing to use the courts, are you?”
“The only thing that would get me near a courthouse right now would be the chance to sue the Chicago PD for leaving me waiting a year while they screwed up. You and I can work thingsout once you get her home. I just…look, I do really like you, and I think you’re the hottest man I’ve ever met. And I’d love to have something long term with you, but you just said—”
He chuckled. “This is a lot.”
“Yeah. But my point is, Michelle shouldn’t have to wait on having two parents in her life until you and I figure out if there’s an us.”
“I completely agree. Once I bring her back to you, I’ll introduce myself. We’ll take it from there. Not just the co-parenting, but figuring out you and me.”
I saw his eyes hood, and the gleam in them, and it made me catch my breath. I wasn’t the only one who wanted to take this conversation to the screened-off bed in the corner. He might have been a commitment-phobe and our relationship was in limbo, but my body was too stupid to figure that out.
“Okay.” My voice was shaky. “Well, that went better than expected.”
“We’re both adults,” he replied mildly, but that spark never left his eyes. And when he drank from his glass again, he took those two fingers of sipping scotch in one rough gulp, downing it with a grimace.
I watched him, suddenly worried and self-conscious. Had I pushed too far, suggesting even the possibility that there could be an ‘us’ beyond looking after Michelle together?
