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“That won’t last,” he reassured me. “Not because of the police—you are right not to trust them—but because even criminal organizations do not want such people around. I had to usesome contacts in the underworld who are now aware of what the Ivanovs are doing.”
The avalanche of helpless rage inside of me rumbled to a stop. “Will they do something?” Would that be possible? Did some authority out there, some powerful figure, actually give a damn about kids, despite being outlaws?
“Yeah, sweetheart, that’s the whole reason I got word out. If the Ivanovs are backed by underworld money, getting them behind bars will be impossible. So instead, we let news about them reach the ears of the right people…”
“And those right people kill them.” It felt like all the air had been pulled out of my lungs as I thought about it. What kind of world was I living in where the cops were cowards and lazy assholes and you had to go to crime families to get justice? “Won’t their backers protect them?”
“Word on the street is their backers had no idea they had this sick little side gig. It was supposed to be a typical underground fetish porn studio, all above board with nothing illegal going on and instead…” He spread his hands slightly.
I took a tiny swallow of tea to try to get the taste of bile out of my mouth. “I guess I’m surprised.”
“Don’t be. Even in a maximum-security prison full of the most hardened killers you could possibly imagine, nobody likes a creep who messes with children. If it gets out that that is what a man has been jailed for, he will have no mercy from his fellow inmates no matter how hard he tries. When he gets out, the underworld will be closed to him. Every knife turned against him. Once a child molester or kiddie porn producer’s name gets out, he can expect to be caught and questioned to see who else isin on these things with him. Active pedophiles tend to seek out their own kind for support, protection, and to do business with. Once their contacts have been wrung out of them, they tend to disappear.”
“And you think the Ivanovs are in for that.” I rubbed my eyes, setting my mug back down. The nausea and rage were fading away, and there was a strange sort of resolve in their place. Someone was going to actually do something. Someone was putting a stop to the Ivanovs’ filth and disappearing them from the face of the Earth in the process.
Had I wanted a media circus to descend on the Ivanovs, humiliating and exposing them to the world? Had I wanted the police to drag them from their homes on national television? Had I wanted to see them picked apart by judges and experts and the court of public opinion on the way to lifetimes behind bars? Sure. But as I searched my heart, and the year of frustrated rage stuffed down into its deepest corners, I had to just go ahead and admit it.
“I’m okay with that. I’m okay with a really scary, painful interrogation followed by death for all of them. And after everything the cops have done to kill my faith in them, I’m okay with criminals doing the job.”
He smiled, and there was something wistful in it, and I caught myself wondering how in the hell he had ended up with ties to the local underworld himself. “I know it must seem strange to you, but I have lived with that reality for a long time. When people cannot get justice from the police or the courts, nor take it in their own hands, they go to those who work beyond the law. It is one of the reasons that everything from local street gangs to the Cosa Nostra exist.”
Then his curiosity seemed to get the better of him, and he asked, “What would make it better for you? The way this went, I mean. The way it will go for the Ivanovs.”
“I mean, it’s not like either of us can do anything about it either way.” I didn’t want to think about that. And yet the thought rose in my head anyway: “I…”
“Go on, Alissa,” he said gently. “It’s all right. I won’t judge you.”
I swallowed and met his gaze slowly. “I think I’d want to question them myself. Maybe even kill them myself.” I drew a shivery breath. “But I can’t think about that. I want to hurt them so badly that when I think about it, I can’t even breathe. But I don’t know how to let me be that person and still be the safe and loving mommy my baby deserves. She’s back, and they’ll be punished. That should be enough for me. I need to focus on being whatever Michelle needs now.”
“I understand,” he said softly, moving closer to me on the couch. I was suddenly very aware of his nearness, close enough that even though he didn’t touch me yet, I could feel the heat radiating off his big, solid body like a furnace.
“I want you to know that if I could have gotten your daughter back to you the moment I found her while ensuring that both you and she would be safe, I would have,” he said quietly. It wasn’t quite an apology, but it was completely sincere.
I nodded. “You don’t seem like the kind of guy who does things recklessly. Though I’m guessing having to deal with underworld guys and criminals a lot isn’t exactly safe.”
He chuckled dryly, a far cry from his usual deep, sexy laugh. “No. It is not safe. But getting jobs like finding Michelle does require risk. I did not get where I am by playing it safe, Alissa. It is one of the reasons I keep people at arm’s length.”
“Is that why you didn’t want to exchange phone numbers before?” I asked him softly.
“Yes,” he answered without hesitation. “I don’t want a girlfriend who waits up worried, or takes off because the risks and shadier bits of my job are too much for her.”
“Oh,” I said softly. “And it was that way when you were in private security, too?”
He looked guilty for some reason. “Both have required me to mix with some unsavory people. Mostly the idle rich, but not all.”
I thought about that, about Gregor isolating himself his whole life from anything long lasting or meaningful with a woman. I wanted to change that. I wanted to be the one he finally settled down with. Just the two of us and our baby.
But could I do that? Could I even handle trying, with the return of my daughter and her recovery taking up my life right now?
I gazed at him and said, “You know, my life is already pretty chaotic. I’ve already seen the dark side of things and had to deal with it.”
Did I sound too needy? I just couldn’t tell. But I didn’t want to hide my feelings anymore either. Even if they led to us going our separate ways because what I wanted wasn’t what he wanted.
He smiled, shocking me. “You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met, going through all of this almost completely alone, and with no real resources either. I feel like punching those damn cops in the teeth for failing you like this. Instead, I’m glad I was able to flex on them.”
I took a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t feel brave. Right now, I’m still wondering how to handle the cops and the press. They’re both going to have questions.”
“I need you to leave my name out of it,” he said firmly. “They don’t need to know who I am.”
