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“Mason is dead. You killed him,” I remind him, reaching across to take his hand in mine. “I’m okay, nothing happened, Cole.”
“But it could have.” He turns his head to look at me and when I see the agony in his eyes it almost makes me choke.
“I had no idea where you were. No way of getting to you. Do you have any idea how that felt?.”
“So that’s what all this is about?” I feel my hurt turn into rage. “You couldn’t save me. The great Cole Carson wasn’t the hero in this story, so he’s decided to make himself the victim instead?” I shake my head when it all starts to make sense.
“What? No… Savannah, I was scared.”
“I was scared,” I shout over him. “I was fucking petrified, Cole, and what’s worse is I knew it was all my own fault. You didn’t know where I was because I was a stubborn stupid fool and lied to everyone so I could try and get information out of Harvey. I am the reason you didn’t know where I was, Cole. And why don’t you just admit that you’re mad at me for that.”
“The reason doesn’t matter, the fact is you could have been killed,” he points out.
“But I wasn’t, I’m still here, still breathing, and still begging you to stop pushing me away.” My voice cracks.
“This is for the best.” He closes his eyes and takes a breath. “Savannah, I really wish I could make you understand. I see this bright, amazing woman in front of me, who’s strong and determined. You got so much to offer this world and…”
“I don’t wanna hear the same old speech you’ve been giving me. I want the truth.” I stare at him, waiting for him to cut the bullshit.
“I can’t give you that, and trust me when I tell ya, you wouldn’t want it.” His head lowers and his chest sags.
“Fine.” I get out the truck and rush around the hood, shocking him when I rip open his driver’s door and grab the whip I know will be under his seat. Hidden away from me like all his other secrets.
“Savannah, what are you doing?” He suddenly looks worried. And when I make my way to the grass verge, he quickly gets out the truck and slams the door.
“I know you still hurt yourself despite promising me you wouldn’t.” I hold the whip in my hand and feel my palms start to sweat. Cole scrubs his face and looks as disappointed in himself as I am.
“Sav…”
“No. You promised me, you wouldn’t do it.” I don’t know what I’m thinking when I rip off my top, especially when the stitches on my side stretch and makes me grimace.
“Savannah, what are you doin’?” Cole stares at me furiously and I frown as I unravel the whip from the handle it’s wrapped around.
“I’m showing you how it feels to watch someone you care about hurt themselves.”
“Red, we’re in the middle of the fuckin’ road. Put your shirt back on and get in the damn truck.” He gives me a stern warning, but I shake my head and brace myself for the pain as I throw the whip out in front of me and prepare to throw it over my shoulder. Cole steps forward and catches it in his hand before it can impact, and I fear his anger when he uses it to yank me closer and grab my throat.
“Don’t you ever do that again. Ever, ya hear?” He’s more furious than I’ve ever seen him.
“You want the truth? The real fuckin’ truth?” He speaks tightly against my skin and I feel his heart beating out of his chest against mine. “I’m too scared to love you.” His words shock me as he tightens his fingers. “I’m too scared to keep you. Hell, I'm even too scared to be around you because bad shit happens to the people that I love.”
“Cole, that’s?—”
“No, it’s true, and you can say it ain’t my fault as many times as you like but it is. I’m a bad person, Savannah, and I don’t deserve good things.” He releases me slowly and I see the tears forming in his eyes.
“You’re not bad, stop saying that. You are a good man.” I grab his face and force him to listen to me. Cole thinks that he’s damaged beyond repair but he’s wrong. I’ve seen the way he cares about his family and the way he cares about me.
“I’m the worst kinda bad there is, Savannah, and I’m saving you from that.” One of his tears drips on my hand as I shake my head back at him.
“You have to stop this, Cole. You have to stop hating yourself.”
“I killed her,” he whispers softly.
“Who?” I try to make sense of what he’s saying and when he forces my hands away and puts space between us, he scrubs his hand over his face.
“Mom.” He eventually looks back at me and my entire body turns cold.
“What?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I know that Cole and his brothers hate Teresa for what she did. I hate her for what she did, but she was their mother. “When?” I ask.
