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Unlike my own father. Oh God.
My life is a train wreck, and I don't know what to do, or where to turn. I’m afraid that if I start crying I won’t be able to stop, but I can't stop the sob that racks my body.
“Hey, hey, it's okay. You're gonna be okay.” Shadow pulls me against him. It feels so nice with his strong arms around me. Like I can relax just for a second. I burrow my face into his shirt, hoping he doesn't mind the tears.
It takes a few minutes before I’m back in control, and the whole time he rubs a strong hand in circles on my back. I sniffle, willing the lump in my throat to settle. Up close, he has an intoxicating smell of leather and oil, so distinctly masculine that it calls to the feminine inside me. I breathe it in like a drug.
“Listen, Harper. Fuck Mesner, and fuck Carnell, okay? We'll get you home, or wherever the fuck you wanna go, away from all this bullshit. The only thing you’re fucking guilty of is wanting to help, and trusting someone who doesn’t deserve it. A couple bullets won’t scare us off. Back home, that's a regular fucking Tuesday.”
I laugh despite how tight my chest is feeling. “Why did I end up with such a terrible father?”
“Happens to the best of us,” he says bitterly.
“Was your dad no good either?”
He scoffs. “Fuck no. That asshole drank like a fish and had a mean right hook that he practiced on both me and my ma. The only good thing he ever did for us was leave. Trust me, living this life, I’ve run into some crazy motherfuckers, but he was a real piece of work. I heard he died a few years back and all I felt was relief that he couldn’t poison anyone else’s life anymore.”
I swallow, wanting to wrap him up in my arms like he does to me, but I have to settle for hugging him tight around the waist. “I thought the worst things I could find out about my father would be that either he was already dead, or that he knew about me and just didn’t care.”
“Who shares your blood doesn’t mean shit, Harper. That’s not what makes family. It’s who sticks around, day after day, at your best and worst. It’s who we choose. Remember that.” He pulls me closer, running his fingers up and down my bare arm. His fingertips are rough and callused, but they feel nice. A connection. “I was a kid when he left, but even then I wasn’t stupid enough to miss him. Mom was fucking amazing, and eventually the dad of one of my friends kinda took me under his wing. He was a biker. A really tough son of a bitch. He'd be gone regularly, and I probably don't even wanna know what kinda shit he was involved with, but he treated me as good as his own boy. Thanks to them I had people in my life that taught me to be a better man than the one that spawned me. I owe that man a lot. So when I think about a father, I think about him, even though we were never related.”
“Is that why you became a biker?” I look up into his eyes and slide a hand to his chest, feeling his strong heart beating beneath my palm.
He chuckles softly. “Maybe? Not directly, but I suppose it planted the possibility in my head. He wasn't a good guy, not by most measures, but he saw me. Gave me direction. A sense of… I dunno. Of self, I guess.”
“Yeah, I don't think my father's going to do that for me.”
“Fuck, baby girl, you don't need him. You were already living your life before you met him. Taking care of your mama and doing the best you fucking could. Him being who he is doesn't take shit away from everything you've done before this clusterfuck. You fucking got this.” He sounds more confident than I've ever felt.
“Do I have to?” I say with a tired laugh. “Sometimes I think the worst part of this isn’t not getting the father of my dreams, it’s that I thought I had it for a short time, and it was so nice to just be able to relax and know I didn’t have to make all the decisions. Now that’s over and everything’s even more complicated. I just want someone to take over, deal with the bad things and just tell me what to do so I don't have to think about it. It sounds stupid, but it's true.”
“Baby, if you wanted someone to order you around, all you had to do was ask,” his voice is husky and low.
“What? I didn’t…” The tingles from his fingers stroking my arm start buzzing around and racing under my skin. Shadow has a calm aura of competence that makes him a natural leader. “What would you order me to do?” I ask him breathlessly before I chicken out.
