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There’s so much dust up my nose, or at least I’m telling myself that it really is just dust, and not spider webs that might have actual spiders still attached. I’m not a wimp, but ugh. “Do you think they're gone?” I take the chance to whisper.
“Yeah, but I don’t know how far. Keep going.” Outlaw doesn't sound any more thrilled about this than I am. “There's gotta be another way out.”
Another gunshot goes off, but nowhere close. I struggle my way forwards until I reach a corner, squeezing around. It’s a good thing I’m in here with Outlaw and not Thunder or Lightning who would never fit. The breeze is getting stronger, and there's a rumble up ahead. What if there’s a big fan up ahead that I’ll fall right into and get spit out like a—Nope. Can’t think about that. “Where's this going to take us?”
“I have no fucking idea. Shadow has the map. Keep going.”
“Wait. I think I see another grate.” We keep crawling, and sure enough, there’s a way out into a dark room. “I think it's screwed shut like the other one.”
“Fuck. Try giving it a push.”
I try. I really do, but it's stuck. “No chance.”
“Let me have a go.” He starts shuffling forwards, pressing up alongside me.
“What are you doing? There's not enough room.”
Somehow, he manages to slide along my body, pressing himself in between me and the duct. My back's forced hard against it, my shirt is pulled up, and there's something digging into the small of my back, but if he can get us out, I'm willing to try anything. He pauses, face to face with me, his arms outstretched to work on the grate and his one leg squeezed tight between my thighs. It's the sexiest position I've ever been in without feeling sexy whatsoever.
“Can you get it?”
“Maybe, but talking won’t help.” It's too dark for me to see what he's fiddling with, but the scraping noises indicate that he's not being idle.
“Should I slide down?” I don't really want to, but I guess it'd give him more room.
“If you wanna suck dick, this isn't really the time.”
Oh, for Christ's sake. “That's not what I meant, and you know it. Why are you so determined to push me away?”
“Push you away? If we were any closer you’d be in my fucking esophagus. Are we seriously doing this here?” He slams his palm against the grate, and part of it gives, just a little.
“I thought… I thought we were good, but we obviously aren’t. The guys keep telling me to give you time, but I'm sick of it.” If there’s ever been a moment to give him time, this would probably be it, but I’m too scared and too close to Outlaw to keep my feelings in.
“I don’t need time, I need—”
“What? Me to leave? Well, if we don’t die in here, it looks like you might be getting your wish. Because no matter how I feel or what happens with Mom, I’m not going to stay where I’m not wanted.”
“Fuuuuck.” He draws it out in a long, obscene complaint. “The boys are fucking nuts for you, okay? And you're having the time of your life, aren’t you? Why does it even matter what I think?”
“What do you mean?”
He sighs, and his forehead rests against mine. “I know this feels exciting now, but eventually you’ll realize you want normal, and we aren’t it. I’m just smart enough to skip the pain.”
There's so much anguish hidden under his words. I’ve been beating myself up thinking I’m the problem. That he hates me and our time in the desert was nothing but a joke to him. I don’t know who hurt him, but they did a really good job of making a strong, brave man doubt himself. He doesn’t see himself like his friends do. Like I could if he let me.
He knocks the grate loose with a bang, then starts wiggling forwards. “C'mon.”
“Wait.” I press my hand up, grabbing his shirt and wiggling until we’re back in line. “Don’t you think it’s worth it to try? I thought you liked a bit of pain.” Then I kiss him.
29
HARPER
At first, I think he's going to push me away, as much as it's possible the way we're squeezed together, but then his hand slips behind the back of my head and presses my lips against his, and I forget all about the cramped quarters, the dust, the—maybe—bugs and everything else. His darkness swallows me up, like he's pulling me in and clinging with everything he's got. Outlaw’s kiss is rough, eager, demanding, and as his studded tongue slides against mine, he presses himself against me. His beard tickles my face, and he's hard. So deliciously hard.
“We better freaking come out of this alive,” I gasp when we finally push apart to breathe.
