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I’ve got one more option. I dial Shadow's number.
32
HARPER
I cling to Thunder as we pull into the safe house Carnell—oh my God, my real father, apparently—arranged for me and Mom to be taken to. It's empty. Not a soul is here. Is he still chasing Vincent? Has he found Mom? Is he okay?
Less than an hour ago he was just some overzealous cop with a hunger for revenge against Vincent. Now he's my father? I have no idea how to feel about it. I’m glad that I’m not related to a monster, but does Carnell know yet? Has he talked to Mom?
Not knowing anything of what's going on is maddening.
Shadow punches in the code to the garage door and we get inside. Still silent. The little hope I had that they were just keeping a low profile inside evaporates. It's a small apartment, but there's coffee for the coffeemaker, and Sledge gets on it.
“He’s probably chasing Mesner,” Shadow says.
“An update would be nice, but he probably forgot about us as soon as we weren’t useful to him.” Lightning pulls me over to the couch and into his lap. I curl up in his arms and press myself against his broad chest.
Shadow nods, but he pulls out his phone and walks away. “I’m calling Eagle-eye. I have a feeling we’re going to need more backup.”
There’s too much to worry about. I feel restless. Antsy. I give Lightning a kiss and go to the kitchen for a glass of water. I'm too jittery for coffee. Outlaw's there, checking the fridge. “They coulda fucking left some beer here.”
“I don't think cops are supposed to drink when they're working,” I note while waiting for the water to get cold from the tap.
“That explains why they're always so pissy,” he notes. “I'd be fucking grumpy too.”
I snort.
“What?”
“You are ‘fucking grumpy’.”
He scowls at me. “Not always.”
Something’s shifted between us since he saved my life again. I don’t think what he needs is space. I gave him plenty of that, so it’s time to be honest. “I’m scared. What if Mom's hurt? What if Carnell dies before he even knows that he’s my father? Before I get to find out if I even want him to be.”
He gives me a long look with those dramatic dark eyes, then says simply, “I envy you.”
“What?” That wasn't what I expected.
“You've got a mother who cares about you, and that you can care about. Mesner’s a piece of shit, but I think Carnell’s the kind of man who would at least try. He might fuck up, but I think he’d care. I got tossed out like garbage, so enjoy what you’ve got.” He turns. “Fuck it, never mind.”
“No, wait.” I grab his shirt with one hand and reach up to cup his cheek with the other, keeping him looking at me. “Tell me. I want to know. All we’ve got is time right now.”
“You don't want my fucking life story.”
“If you think that, you're even dumber than you look.”
His eyes flare as I get sassy with him, but he laughs softly. “It's not much to tell. I was dumped as a baby. Left in a box in front of a fire station in South Side. No note, no nothing. I could’ve walked by my parents a thousand times and never known. Got adopted pretty fast, but then the mom got pregnant and suddenly I wasn’t good enough. By then I was five, and if you aren’t a baby, finding a stable home is like winning the lottery. After that, I bounced around in foster homes until I was old enough to get the fuck out of the system. So when I say that everyone leaves eventually, I've got the experience to back it up.”
“God, that sounds rough.” Makes me think of my own childhood. Sure, it was just me and Mom, but even though we struggled sometimes, she was the best. Things didn't get really bad until she got sick.
“Yeah, well, I wasn't the easiest kid. I caused a lot of shit. Broke things. Sometimes just stuff, sometimes laws. But I was a kid, you know? It's not like my whole damn history wasn’t an open book. Assholes.” He pulls away, getting himself water and very pointedly keeps his back to me so I can't see his face.
“I don’t want to be your mother.”
He laughs roughly. “Good, because you watched me jerk off. That'd be fucking awkward.”
God, no kidding. “You know it wasn’t your fault, right? Even if you were difficult. If they gave you up, then they're the ones who failed you.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Look at me.” I put as much authority into my voice as possible. I know rule number three is to obey them, but right now I'm letting rule number one, to not take any shit from anyone, including them, override it.
