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“And you say you’re not romantic. This is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me—second only to the Christmas spectacular you set up at my house last night.”
“Keep this our little secret.” He smiled, but then his expression turned serious. “I hate what you’re going through with your dad right now. I just want to bring you some happiness, like you’ve brought me. This is the first Christmas I’ve allowed myself to acknowledge anything having to do with the holiday. Since Britney died, Christmases have been hard. But this year, I feel like celebrating. It’s nice to get in the spirit again. You’re the reason for that.”
“You’re gonna make me cry.” The doorbell rang. “Someone’s at the door,” I said.
“Go answer.” He smirked.
What else does he have up his sleeve?My heart raced. When I opened, it was a delivery guy with an order from Starbucks. I thanked him and closed the door. “What’s all this?”
“We couldn’t have a proper Christmas date in the city without hot cocoa, could we?”
I peeked inside the bag. “A chocolate croissant, too. My favorite.”
“I know. Besides Devil Dogs.”
Sig then proceeded to take me around Marks and Spencer on FaceTime, showing me the various holiday displays. It was almost as good as being there with him. Every time I expressed interest in something, he’d throw it in his cart. By the time he checked out, I knew he’d be shipping me a light-up house filled with chocolate, gingerbread cookies, and a London-themed smash cake with treats inside, among other things. I’d have enough sugar for a year.
My mouth hurt from smiling. “Are you taking me home with you now?” He’d continued our call after exiting the store.
“Yes. You’re walking with me. I’d give anything for it to be real.”
“I wouldn’t get kicked out tonight, would I?”
“Absolutely not, love.”
Love.It always gave me goose bumps when he called me that. Yet it was ironic, sinceloveand true commitment were perhaps the only things he wasn’t able to give me this Christmas. While it felt amazing to be spoiled like this, I would’ve traded it all for his heart.
***
That night after dinner, I watched as Dad ate the other half of the chocolate croissant I’d saved for him. He hadn’t had much of an appetite for the chicken and potatoes I’d made, but he seemed to be enjoying the pastry, which made me happy.
After he went up to bed, I retreated to my room and decided to set up the laptop Kate and Phil had dropped off for me recently. Britney’s parents had visited us a few times to help out since returning from Florida. I’d mentioned that I was shopping for a new computer since mine died, and they’d insisted on giving me Britney’s laptop. They said it was virtually unused and had only been sitting around collecting dust. She’d apparently purchased it not long before she died. They’d brought it for me the last time they were here.
I had mixed feelings about taking it. I was grateful for the generous gift, but also felt incredibly guilty using something Britney should’ve been here to enjoy. I supposed there werea lotof things lately that made me feel that way. This laptop was nothing compared to what she was missing with the love of her life—who now also happened to be the love ofmylife, even if he didn’t realize it.
I’d had the laptop charging in a corner of my bedroom for the past couple of hours. I unplugged it and brought it over to the desk to set it up. Britney’s parents told me they’d copied all of her documents to a thumb drive, so most everything on the computer had been erased.
But when I clicked into the Gmail icon on the desktop, rather than prompting me to log in, it opened an existing account—Britney’s account. I would have immediately logged out if not for something that caught my eye.
There were dozens and dozens of bolded, unread emails in her inbox, with the most recent delivery date being yesterday. And the sender on all of them?
Sigmund Benedictus
CHAPTER 42
Sig
Track 42: “Surprises” by Billy Joel
Christmas in London had come and gone.
Lavinia and I had spent the holidays with Leo, Felicity, and their kids, though we made a brief appearance at my parents’ house on Christmas Day. My heart, though, was in the States with Abby. I’d offered to go there for the holiday, but she’d told me she preferred that I didn’t. She’d insisted I stay here and not leave Lavinia alone. Lavinia didn’t like to fly, so taking her with me wasn’t an option. I might have gone to Rhode Island anyway, but I got the impression there was more to Abby’s request, that she really did want some space.
She’d been acting a bit weird for the past month or so. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but she seemed preoccupied. It couldn’t have been solely the situation with her father, because his surgery had been successful. The worst was seemingly over with him for now, yet the change in her demeanor remained. During our nightly calls, whenever I asked if something was bothering her, she’d say no and move on to tell me something trite about her day. But when you’re in tune with someone you care about, you can see in their eyes when something is wrong. She had a lot on her mind and was choosing not to share it with me. I tried to convince myself it was the stress of pregnancy, but deep down I knew better.
Her father’s doctors remained optimistic, yet Abby had decided to give Roland a bit more time to recover before booking her return to England. Giving birth here was still the plan for now. While I could hardly wait to see her, the uncertainty in the air grew more palpable by the day, the closer we got to the baby’s arrival.
There was so much we needed to work out. But important decisions about the status of our relationship were not going to get made over the phone. So if she wasn’t able to come here soon, I’d be traveling to the US. I couldn’t put it off any longer.
