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Her brows knitted. “Who?”
“Britney.”
“Britney…”
“Yes. Her parents gave me her old laptop when they found out mine stopped working. When I tried to log into my email for the first time, it opened straight up to Britney’s account. And there were messages from him. The most recent one was from, like, the day before, and they went all the way back to right after she died.”
“You read them all?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I read one. Then I stopped myself. I know it’s terrible, and I shouldn’t have done it. I have no business reading his private thoughts to her. I told myself I could read one just to understand the gist of why he was writing her, and I wouldn’t read any more.”
“Okay…what did you see?”
“I clicked on a random email that was sort of in the middle. In his message, he counted the number of days she’d been gone, and he told her how he thinks of her every minute of every day. And he wanted her to know…” I hesitated.
Felicity leaned in. “What?”
“That he willneverlove anyone the way he loved her.”
Felicity closed her eyes briefly and sighed. “Ah…”
“I shouldn’t have clicked on that email.” I looked away. “But in some ways, I’m glad I did.”
“How long ago did he write that?”
“Honestly, I didn’t look at the date. Like I said, I just clicked on one. But it doesn’t matter.” I sighed. “Anyway, I didn’t trust myself not to open another, so I logged out of her account. Now I can never get back in, since I don’t have the password.”
Felicity nodded. “I can understand why reading that upset you. But people’s feelings can change over time.”
“Sometimes I feel like I’m competing with a ghost. That’s awful to say.”
She smiled sympathetically. “You can say anything here.”
“Like, if we were together, it would only be because she’s not here—not because we’re soulmates or meant to be. If she miraculously walked in the door right now, wouldn’t he run to her and leave me in the dust?” My chest tightened. “That’s not a good feeling. And then I feel stupid for thinking about that, because how can I be jealous of a dead person?” I turned to her. “Be honest, am I crazy here?”
“I think it’s very natural to want the person you love to love you back equally.”
“Well, he hasn’t said he loves me at all, so there’s that.”
The doorbell rang, interrupting our conversation. I could hear Nathan answering the door and then another man’s voice.
CHAPTER 45
Abby
Track 45: “My Love Mine All Mine” by Mitski
I stood suddenly when I saw Sig at the entrance to the living room. My heart fluttered. “What are you doing here?”
“I got impatient. I wanted to see you.”
I walked over and he cupped my cheeks and kissed me passionately, without any regard for Felicity sitting there. When he finally let me go, he kissed me softly on the forehead before turning to her. She seemed amused.
“What’s that expression for, Ginger? Have you never seen anyone kiss?”
“I’ve never seen this side of you. It’s nice.”
I’d nearly forgotten that Felicity and Leo were apart while Britney had been here with Sig. Felicity had never met Britney, so she’d never witnessed what Sig was like in a relationship.
