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“She still owns the house, but the same people have been renting it for years.”
We stared across the bay for a while before she turned to me. “Has anything that’s happened with my father been triggering for you?”
“Because of the cancer, you mean?”
“Yeah.”
I pondered that. Strangely, it hadn’t. I’d been too concerned about Abby’s mental health and her father’s condition. “No. It’s mainly made me feel sorry foryou. I imagine you wouldn’t have signed up for the surrogacy if you’d known how this year was going to play out.”
“There’s still nothing I would change so far,” she insisted, looking up at the stars. “It’s so beautiful here.”
“It is,” I said, looking straight at her and not at all at the stars. I cleared my throat. “I can appreciate more about this place now than I did when I was younger.”
“You had ants in your pants, then.” She smirked.
“Go ahead. What else do you want to say?”
“Ants in your pants and two Marias in your pants.” She snorted.
Her laughter was like music to my ears. I couldn’t believe that come tomorrow, I wouldn’t hear it in person again for a while. An unidentifiable feeling gnawed at me. A mix of happiness and guilt, perhaps—guilt over being happy. “I’m relieved you met the person I am now and not then,” I told her. “Parts of him are still here, I suppose, but mostly the good ones.”
“I’m glad I met this version of you, too.”
Abby’s long brown locks blew in the evening breeze. She looked more beautiful than ever. I wanted nothing more than to take her upstairs and worship her body tonight. It was the first time I’d yearned to be inside of someone for reasons other than escapism in as long as I could remember. But I vowed not to go there. I was leaving. But God, did I want it, did I crave her.
She shivered.
“Are you cold?” I asked.
“A little.” Her teeth chattered.
I thought about grabbing a sweater from inside but instead—despite the vow I’d just made to myself—I prompted her to sit on my lap. “Come here.” Abby settled in as I wrapped my arms around her.
“I wish I had more time here with you,” she said, resting the back of her head on my chest. “Actually, I wish I could freeze time right now.”
“Me, too.” I rubbed her arms. “But I have one thing to look forward to when I get back.”
“What’s that?”
“Not needing to kill every man at work for making a move on you.”
She turned to look at me. “Were you really jealous?”
“Unfortunately, I was.”
“Is it because I’m carrying your baby? Or something more?”
“Well, considering I started feeling this way before I knew you were pregnant, pretty sure you have your answer.”
“You like me, Sig, but you don’t know what to do with it.”
I squeezed her. “I have some ideas tonight.”
“You won’t go there, though.”
“Is that a dare?”
“No, it’s not. I think you’re too scared to fuck something up, especially before you leave tomorrow. And I get it.”
