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After, I practically collapsed against the wall, limp from the magnitude of that orgasm. He slowly pulled out, drops of his cum gathering at the top of my inner thighs.
He turned me around and enveloped my mouth in his, kissing me as if what we’d just done had barely scratched the surface of satisfying him. I knew it had barely satisfied me.
“I fucking missed you. Have I told you that?” Sig stared down at my swollen belly as his eyes glistened. He knelt for a moment and kissed my taut skin. “Look at you.”
My body tightened, willing away all the emotions that simple act elicited.
He stood. “It’s surreal.”
“I know. Twenty-nine weeks. It’s hard to believe, isn’t it?”
“Hard to believe someone could be so beautiful, yes.” He shook his head. “It’s one thing to see a picture of you pregnant and another entirely to see it in person. This time is going by too fast.”
I raked my fingers through his messy black hair. “Why did you come here, Sigmund? Was it for what we just did? I know it wasn’t to make pancakes.”
“You think I flew all the way here to fuck you?”
I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know.”
“Maybe that had a bit to do with my motivation, but no, that’s not theonlyreason.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “I didn’t have a chance to address your concerns about what happens after the baby is born. Telling you I couldn’t imagine not seeing you anymore wasn’t a solution. It was just an opinion that only made things more confusing. I’m sorry for not having all the answers.”
“None of this is your fault, Sig. Neither of us planned for this.”
“I certainly didn’t plan to fall for you, Abby.” He held my face in his hands. “That’s right—I warned you not to fall forme, butI’mthe one who’s falling. What we’re doing…this isn’t about biding time. This is about you and me, this undeniable connection we have. And as much as I might want to ignore it, my feelings aren’t going to magically expire when you give birth.” He swallowed. “I used to wake up in the morning and wish I weren’t alive. Now I wake up and think of you—some funny thing you said or wondering when I get to see you next. And I think of you before I fall asleep. Our nightly phone call is the thing I look forward to most every day. You’ve taken over the dark places that used to exist in my mind.” His eyes were piercing. “You saved me, Abby. You really have.”
I moved his hair off his forehead. “Wow.”
“But,” he continued. “I can’t in good conscience pull you into a situation you didn’t sign up for. Part of the problem is that I don’t know how I’m going to feel when this baby is born. I wish I did. All I feel right now is utterly unprepared.”
“You think there’s a chance you might change your mind?” I asked. “You might want to raise it?”
He caressed my hair. “I can’t rule it out, even if I think the child would be better off with Phil and Kate.”
My brain worked to piece together his insecurities. “And if you end up raising it, you’re worried that if we’re together I’ll feel obligated to be its mother.”
“Wouldn’t you?” He searched my eyes.
That was the million-dollar question. And like him, I wasn’t sure I had an answer. My heart said yes, but it wasn’t a decision I could make overnight. It was life changing. “The funny thing is…” I paused. “I don’t know how I’m going to feel, either. So we have that in common. I can tell you I feel more for this little baby inside of me than I’d anticipated. I can’t imagine giving birth, pretending like nothing ever happened, and just returning to my life here. I know that was the plan. But it seems so…unnatural now.”
He took my hands in his. “Here’s the bottom line, Abby… I can’t promise how I’m going to feel about becoming a father, but Icanpromise that it won’t change how I feel about you. I’ll never abandon you, unless you tell me that’s what you want. I only want what’s best for you. If you tell me that’s to not see me anymore, then I will have to live with that. But know that’s not what I want. After what you said last night about us never seeing each other again, it became very clear to me. I don’t want to lose you.”
Still mostly half-naked, we fell into a long embrace. My heart thundered against his as I said, “I think we need to wait until this baby gets here to know how we’re gonna feel. Maybe the answer will come to us. Maybe we need to not force any decisions right now.”
He kissed my nose. “If you’re okay with that, so am I, love.”
I nodded, though I still felt uneasy with all the uncertainty. I knew in my heart that things wouldn’t magically fall into place after nine months, yet I couldn’t help feeling a bloom of hope. We just had to keep moving forward. Quite frankly, I probably should have known better, but I was having too much fun to stop. “We should go back inside.” I reached for my T-shirt dress.
“Ah, yes. My comfy couch awaits.”
“You could always sneak into my room. My father knows there’s something going on between us. He wouldn’t be totally shocked if he caught you in there. But I understand if you’re not comfortable with that.”
He shrugged. “I’m not. I guess you could say I’m old fashioned that way.”
“Such the conservative, yeah,” I teased.
“Well, around parents, I suppose. Not really otherwise.”
“You’re right.” I sighed. “It would be awkward. As much as I want you in my bed, I wouldn’t feel fully comfortable with that, either.”
