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I brush a hand over my face, thinking about the fact that her parents are going to be furious when they find out the truth. “I know. I’ve fucked up big time.” I’m too exhausted to apologize to Finn again.
“How?” Alex asks.
“All I could think about was keeping Leia, and I was so thrilled that Aroha agreed to help me. I didn’t think about what it might mean, and now I’ve dishonored her, and—”
“Wow,” Missie says, “I blinked and ended up in the eighteenth century.”
“Don’t mock me,” I say, conscious of Alex trying not to laugh. “I’m dying a thousand deaths here. I feel really bad.”
“You didn’t dishonor her,” Missie says. “She’s your wife, isn’t she?”
“No…” I mean to say it wryly, but it just comes out kind of wistful.
“I beg to differ,” Alex says. “I definitely saw you exchange rings.’”
I glance at where it sits, heavy on my finger. “I married her, but she’s not my wife. Not in the Biblical sense.”
Alex snorts. “Don’t go all Old Testament on us. You spent most of your time at university with girls while Tyson, Henry, and I were sitting in the dark, eating family-sized bags of chips and wrestling with computer code. Are you really telling me you can’t work out how to seduce the woman you’re married to?”
I glare at him. He raises an eyebrow.
“Why don’t you just tell her you love her?” Finn suggests helpfully. “Girls like that, apparently.”
I flop onto my back on the carpet and cover my face as Zelda tries to stick her tongue up my nose. “It’s not as easy as that.”
“I kinda think it is,” Missie says. “Gaby told me that on her hen night, they played a game where they had to go through all you guys and say which they wanted to kiss, marry, um… sleep with, and…” She bites her lip. “Murder.”
“Don’t tell me,” I say gloomily, “she wanted to murder me.”
“Oh… that was definitely not what she wanted to do to you.”
Finn giggles.
I lift my hands, push Zelda away, and look at Missie. “Really?”
She smiles. “She’s crazy about you, James. When she told us you two were going to have a fake marriage, we said we were going to help her turn it into a real one, and she bloomed like a rose. For God’s sake, she loves Leia as if she’s her own. You’ve already tied the knot. What’s stopping you from making it real?”
I blink. Making it real?
Is that what I want?
I’ve done it all back to front. I should have dated her for months, gotten to know her intimately, let her find out all my faults, before I asked her to commit to me for two whole years. But I didn’t, and now I’m somehow stuck in the friend-and-boss zone, too afraid to make a move on her in case I screw it all up.
I think of how, on the night of our wedding, she admitted what her ex had done to her, and how it has affected her.
“She’s been through so much,” I say. “Her ex…” I glance at Finn.
“Finn, why don’t you take Zelda out into the garden?” Alex suggests. Finn nods, goes over to the sliding door, and leads the dog out onto the grass. Alex looks back at me.
“Her ex assaulted her,” I say softly. “Five years ago, and she hasn’t dated since.”
“Jesus,” Alex says.
Missie looks upset. “Oh no.”
“It’s affected her deeply,” I continue. “And I’m no counselor. I’m like a bull in a china shop. I told her to strip in front of me and get in the bath.” Missie winces, and I cover my face again. “I’m such an idiot. I reached out to her in the bathroom, and she flinched. She’s terrified of me.”
“No, she’s not,” she scoffs. “She’s had a rough day, that’s all. And… look, I’m speaking from experience. Women can move on after being assaulted.”
