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Chapter 1
Natalie
I closed my eyes a second before my head cleared the surface, feeling the slight shift and disorientation from being underwater to not. I enjoyed the sensation as my body went from one world to the next. Water cascaded down my red hair as I slipped my mask around my neck. I opened my eyes and looked at the beach that was only fifty yards in front of me. The sun was just starting to rise and the sand was almost orange with its glow. I could hear the soft lapping of the waves in front of me, almost calling me home, but I wasn’t ready to go in just yet.
The water had been cool but inviting. My six-millimeter suit was enough to keep me comfortable but not enough to make me forget that it was April and the waters off the coast of California were chilly. It was foolish to go in the water on my own. Kevin would have had some harsh words for me if he had found out.
But the thing was, Kevin couldn’t chastise me for my reckless behaviors anymore. Which might be why I took the sunrise solo dive on the morning of his funeral. It still felt surreal that he was gone. A car accident taking him while he was still in the prime of his life. It was unfair, unfathomable, and something that I didn’t want to deal with. And I wasn’t.
I thought if I could stay in the water a little while longer everything would be okay. Under the water with the fish, the occasional shark, even a sea cucumber or two, I could forget that the man who had become like a father to me, the man who had helped me to be who I was, was no longer around.
Kevin was the one who taught me how to dive. Saying it would be fun and something I might like to do. I wasn’t even a good swimmer and considered myself claustrophobic. The idea of not only getting into a situation where water was surrounding me on all sides and in deep water, didn’t seem like a good idea to me. But Kevin did. He coaxed me in his kind, easy, gentle way. Before I knew it, I was in the water, a regulator in my mouth, and I had never looked back.
It was the first of many of our adventures. We had traveled around together, seen cities I didn’t even know existed, tried food I never wanted to know what they were. I had gone bungee jumping, parasailing, white water rafting, skiing, and ziplining to name a few in the most exotic and unique places.
Kevin had shown me all that, as he had numerous other people, kids mainly, in his weekly television show. I think he started it out as a fun something for him to do, to get the local kids excited about the town they lived in. I was sure he never thought anything would come of it when he posted it online. But it had taken off and in less than three years he had his own channel and a large number of followers.
I was young when I first joined him and had been surprised that he had wanted me along. But I had loved him, I had from the moment my mother introduced me to him. He had a way about him that just got people to like him, made them want to be around him, and to know that their day got better because he was in it.
Having never known my father, I clung to Kevin and had been ecstatic to have him in my life. Mom had been more than happy to allow him to take me on his adventures and encouraged our friendship. He became not only my friend, but the father I always wanted, he turned into my mentor and the person I most wanted to be like. He had always teased that I would take over his show when he got too old to do it. I always told him he would outlive us all.
If only that had been true.
Now, I had to bury him, to say good-bye to a man I wasn’t ready to let go of. A man who had been more to me than anyone else in my life, including my mother. It wasn’t something I wanted to do. If I was in the water, if I was bobbing on the surface, I could think that he was just waiting for me in the house, that he would come out and greet me with a towel and a cup of coffee. We would sit on the patio while we had breakfast and we would talk about the next show.
But there wouldn't be another show. At least not with him in it. My mother, and my stepbrother, Jason, were counting on me continuing the show, to keeping the legacy alive. I didn’t know how to tell them I wasn’t sure if I could. If I even wanted to.
Scavenge, had been Kevin’s baby as much as his only son. He was the one who started it and to me it felt like it needed to end with him. I didn’t have his charisma, his spunk, his love for the camera. I was worried if I took over, it would only fail and I didn’t want to think for a second that I was letting Kevin down. Plus, I didn’t want to do it alone.
I didn’t want to have that conversation with Jason or my mother. I didn’t want to hear them try and convince me that this was what Kevin would have wanted, or that I owe it to him and all his fans. I knew all of that, but it didn’t change my mind that I didn’t want to do it.
Saying good-bye would be hard enough without having to deal with the show. I wasn’t ready to think about a world without him in it and I certainly wasn’t ready to think what my future would be. It didn’t help that Jason and I had never gotten along. He had never liked me, and I was sure it was because of the simple fact that I had taken away his father’s attention.
Jason would never have been right in front of the camera. He was more of a quiet type, who was happier controlling things instead of seeing how they went. When it came to the show, he was a good producer, and had been running the show for almost four years now. It had grown in popularity under his guidance and I didn’t fault him or how good he was at his job. I just didn’t like how he looked at me like I smelled bad every time I came into a room he was in.
We had steered clear of each other when we were growing up and since he had become a producer, we had found a happy medium where we talked when we needed to but only about what was necessary. We were never rude to each other, there had never been any fights, outbursts or any way for anyone to suspect that we didn’t get along. In fact, we were both practically indifferent to the other.
Or at least the man was indifferent to me. My feelings towards him were deeper and more complicated than that and just one more thing that I didn’t want to think or worry about on this of all days. I kept my distance as much for my own sanity because I found him attractive. The more I worked around him, the more I saw how good he was at it and it only made me like him all the more. But he only looked at me in disgust and annoyance and any feelings I might have for him I kept buried deep down. He never would know I was attracted to him and if I was lucky, I would never have to work or see him again.
But even that thought caused a deep ache in my heart that hurt worse than anything I had felt.
Chapter 2
Jason
“Make sure you get two or three angles of the people coming in. I want to be able to see all their faces. Don’t talk to them unless they talk to you. Have some respect, but don’t forget we need to get the footage. How is the B roll going?” I asked Sergio, the shows director.
“Abby should be just about done with it and is going to set up in the upper pews for the service. We got this. I know what I’m doing,” he said and patted me affectionately on the shoulder.
“Good, then let’s get to it,” I said and walked away.
I knew what he was trying to do, he was telling me to take a breath, to allow this to flow the way it is supposed to. The way that we had discussed over and over in the last few days until we all knew it like the back of our hands. He was telling me with that gesture that everything would be okay and I needed to take a step back from being the producer and step into the role of being a son.
But I didn’t want to do any of that. There were still too many things that could go wrong and I wanted to make sure that everything went perfectly. It was what I owed my father, to his show, to his fans, and even to myself. It was what I could give to him, my final gift of sorts to a man who I had loved and hated in equally throughout my entire life.
My father hadn’t been an easy man to get along with, or to be the son of. He always looked like he was having the time of his life, as if nothing bothered him and nothing would. For the most part nothing did. He had this philosophy that everything would work out in the end. He believed that if anything was going bad, it was only temporary and good things were on the horizon, you just had to wait for them.
I had idealized him when I was growing up. He was the best dad and the most popular among my classmates. I in turn was popular too because everyone wanted to hang out with the dad that not only played with his kid but had the coolest and best ideas on what to do. We had made go-carts and raced them down the street when I was five. He had created a roller coaster in the backyard one spring and then turned into a water park for the summer.
