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“Not off the top of my head, but we can figure it out. We will figure it out,” I said.
Her eyes locked on mine and I knew she could tell I wasn’t just talking about the next clue but us. She didn’t answer me but put the paper down and walked back into the room.
I heard her moving around and that she was finding where the lighthouse was and our next stop. With us going towards Avila Beach we were heading back towards Santa Barbara and home. I had a feeling that there weren’t that many more clues for us to find. I agreed with Natalie, I was eager for this to be over so that we could move onto our next chapter, but I felt Natalie slipping from me and I didn’t want that. I needed more time with her, just us. I needed to find a way to convince her that what we started here was something incredible, something worth fighting for.
It was all very sudden and new and it wasn’t like me at all to just jump into something. But nothing had ever felt so good, so right, and so perfect as being with Natalie. I just needed to show her that I was in this with her. Not just with the show but with us but I didn’t know how to do that. She said we needed to finish the hunt and then we could go from there. I would do that, but it didn’t mean I would stop wanting to be with her or convincing her that there was a lot more for us once we completed the hunt my father wanted us on.
Chapter 21
Natalie
It turned out there was a lighthouse that looked out over Avila beach, Point San Luis. It was set to be built in the 1870s to help protect the many ships that came to the port, as many as four hundred per year. But it hadn’t been completed until almost twenty years later.
While it was still a working lighthouse, it had been preserved by a non-profit organization that maintained its upkeep. There were two ways to get to the lighthouse, either by a trolley that ran down to it or a three-mile hike down to the lighthouse and back.
I had found out all this information by the time Jason had gotten back into the room. He had stayed out there giving me the time I needed to calm down or he might have needed it himself. I wasn’t sure what he wanted from me, from us sleeping together, and his comments and answers to any questions didn’t help me figure it out.
“It’s too late for us to go to the lighthouse today but they do a hike every Wednesday and Saturday so we can go tomorrow. We can take a trolley to the lighthouse but I was thinking we could do the hike, it’s a little over three-miles round trip,” I said to Jason when he came back into the room
“That sounds good. We can head out there tomorrow and plan on staying in Avila or wherever else the next stop is,” he said and walked past me and to the bathroom and took a shower.
I hated that there was an awkwardness between us. I knew it was my fault, I was the one who had the outburst when we were talking outside. I hadn’t handled it right but he wasn’t making it easy on me. One minute he would be talking about us as a couple as if we have a future and then the next, he was talking about how important it was to maintain what we had for the company, for the employees.
In the back of my mind, I knew that we couldn’t last, that we wouldn’t last. What we were doing on this trip was something we needed to do. To get it out of our system so we could move on. He had said as much the morning after we slept together. He didn’t know what it was and neither of us had wanted to define it.
The problem was, I was starting to think that I wanted something more with Jason but I didn’t see how we could. It was easy, nice to see that we had gotten along, that we had found a way to be friends, and yes, even fall into bed with each other. But how long would that last? How long before one of us did something the other didn’t like and we ended up hating each other.
It wouldn't be right for us to try and have something and still work together. It would only end in disaster and it wouldn’t work for the crew and everyone who was counting on us to put on a show. The best thing to do was to end whatever we had before we got back. But every time I ever considered it, I didn’t want to.
The thought of seeing Jason every day and not being able to be with him, to kiss him, hold him, and go to bed with him every night was too much for me to comprehend. I don’t know how he had done it but he had wormed his way into my heart in only a week’s time. I had no idea what to do about it so I just didn’t think about it.
I was already in bed and with my back to Jason when he came out of the shower. I made him think I was sleeping. I was too messed up with my own thoughts to have another conversation with him and I took it as a small blessing when he came to bed but didn’t do anything else. It was a long while before I heard his steady breathing that he had fallen asleep and even longer before I could do the same.
We were both slow and a little surly with each other as we got up, packed, and headed to the lighthouse. The day was cool and cloudy, matching our moods perfectly. It was perfect weather and day to take a hike. We arrived at the meeting spot and took the hike with others down to the lighthouse. My foul mood soon dissipated as I walked along the trail and took in the gorgeous view of the rocks and kelp being covered by the waves.
Jason was close behind me and when we got to a spot that we could walk next to each other we did. He didn’t say anything to me, we had hardly spoken to each other all morning. We still didn’t as we continued down the path to the lighthouse.
It was nice to be standing next to him, to just be in his presence. He had such a calming way about him. Without having to say or do anything, he just made me feel safer, more secure, and more present. The tension from the night before started to leave me and when we got to the lighthouse and waited for the tour to begin, it didn’t surprise me that Jason took my hand.
I took it for the olive branch that it was and squeezed his hand back, I didn’t have the right words to convey to him that I liked that he took my hand. I liked that he was there next to me. I liked that we were on this journey together. As we headed into the lighthouse, I told myself I would take the time that I had with him while we had it and not worry about tomorrow or the next day.
The tour was informative and fun, telling the history and fun antidotes about the lighthouse and the people who stayed and worked there. It was still a working lighthouse but it no longer needed to have someone staying to make sure it was operational. Modern technology had improved in the last century or more. When the tour was done, we were free to walk around the ground but couldn’t go into the other buildings and we could walk back to the parking lot at our own pace.
There was a railing that ran along the front of the lighthouse and looked out over the water. I headed there and Jason followed me. When I got to the edge, I stood and looked out, enjoying the view. Jason came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I put my hands on top of his and just stood there with him in silence for a few minutes.
“The ocean reminds me of you,” he said after a moment.
“Anger, turbulent, and desperate to get its way?” I asked.
“Strong, determined, and unrelenting,” he said and kissed my neck.
“Same difference. But I’ll take it as a compliment.”
“It was meant as one and I’m glad you saw it as such,” he said.
“And you remind me of the rocks down there. Strong, resilient, constant,” I said.
“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” he asked with a soft laugh.
