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I live in gardens and fields and forests.
I used to be a caterpillar.
“Apparently there’s a butterfly sanctuary in Pismo Beach. It must be where he wants us to go next. They were his favorite animal,” Natalie said.
“I could see that about him. Even a butterfly doesn’t have long to live and to use each moment to its fullest.”
“That sounds like your father. He was big on symbolism and what it all means. Maybe we will find the answer to all of this there.”
“We have to be getting close, we’re almost back in Santa Barbara so unless he’s going to have us traveling further south, this might be one of the last clues,” I said.
“Then let’s get to it and see where it leads us,” Natalie said and with a quick kiss on my nose she went into the bathroom to shower.
I smiled to myself as I watched her go and thought about joining her. I was anxious to get to the next clue and get this all done. Now that I knew what I wanted, I wanted it to start as soon as possible. I couldn’t do that until we were done with what my father had planned for us.
In less than an hour we were standing outside the sanctuary, a large wooded area with trees behind them. There was a dirt filled walkway that went around the trees allowing people to look at the trees and the butterflies without disturbing any of the wildlife.
There were a few other people mingling around and we wandered past them. I reached over and took Natalie’s hand and she squeezed it back. As we stopped and looked at the butterflies sitting on the trees, I knew that this would be the last clue and it couldn’t have happened at a better moment. Once I knew we were done I would turn to Natalie and tell her what she meant to me and what I wanted our future to be like.
We stopped at a tree and looked at it for a minute, we marveled at how beautiful the animals were. I thought about how incredible they were and how they made the most of their lives. I felt that was what Dad was trying to tell us to do at that moment too. He wanted us to enjoy what we had, to live our best lives, and not be sad for him. He had given us such a wonderful foundation and now it was our time to live it and honor him.
“Natalie,” I began but I didn’t get to say anything more before she squeezed my hand in hers and then stepped away from me.
“Jason, we both know this is going to be the last clue. Whatever happens here, this is what your father wanted us to find. I want you to know this has been great. Wonderful, really. One of the best weeks of my life. And I’m so glad we got to take this time to get to know each other, really get to know each other.”
I smiled at her. It was like she was reading my mind and I was so happy to hear that she was thinking and feeling the same way I was. I reached to take her hands back but before I could touch her, she lifted her hands and moved farther away from me. Dread filled me as I waited for her to continue.
“But this has to end, now,” she said.
“What? No. We just started, this is just the beginning for us,” I protested.
“Jason, you’re great. Probably one of the best men I’ve ever met, but we would never work out. We’re too different, we want different things and we would only end up hating each other in the end. I care about you too much to ever find myself hating you. Instead, I’m going to walk away from you while I still can. While I still like you and think you are an incredible person.”
“No. You can’t do that. Don’t leave me. Don’t run away from this. From us.”
“It’s for the best and in time you’ll see I’m right. What you want out of life, what you want for the show, I don’t want. You should have everything that you want, you should have everything that you desire and I want to be able to give that to you. If I stay, we’ll just hate each other. I will resent the show and you, and I never want to do that,” she said and shook her head.
It was then that I could see she was crying. I wanted to pull her into my arms, tell her how very wrong she was and convince her to stay with me. I reached for her to do that, but she stepped farther away from me.
“Don’t. Don’t touch me. Don’t make this any harder for us than it needs to be. We had a great week. We sent your father off in style. The way he would want to be remembered and I want to remember him and you, right here, right now. At this moment, when things are still good, when we still like each other.
“We would never work out and I don’t think your father or our mothers would ever be okay with us dating, much less sleeping together. We’re related, it wouldn’t be right and it wouldn’t look good for the show. What is best for the show is to have you running it. I know you’ll find someone to replace me that will be even better than I could ever possibly be. I want you to be happy and I know I can give that to you.”
“The only way you can give that to me is if you stay. I love you, I want to be with you. You are all that matters.” I said.
Natalie laughed. “You’re just proving my point. You’re all messed up in me and what you can’t have. If you were thinking straight, you would never say such a thing and when I’m gone you'll start seeing that I was right. The best thing we could ever do is just walk away from each other and find our own paths, separately.”
“The only path I want to take is with you.”
“No you don’t. I’m not what you need. Not really. Don’t try to find me. Don’t try to change my mind. You know me well enough that you won’t and it will only make things harder for both of us if you try. This has been a great week, but that is all it will ever be. I have to go, Jason. I’m sorry,” Natalie said and walked away from me.
I turned to watch her go and could see she had a car waiting for her. I was too stunned by what she said to stop her. By the time I got my wits about me, she was gone. Leaving me more hurt, angry, and more upset than I had ever been in my entire life. I was also more determined than ever to make Natalie see that we belonged together and when I got the final clue from my father, I knew I had made the right decision.
Chapter 23
Natalie
“See if we can do a layover in London for a few days before we head over to Germany. It might be good to do some research there for another show,” I said to Annie.
