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He licked his lips. “It tastes like a ‘yes’ to me.” As he leaned back toward me, his hips pressed against mine, and his eyebrows danced up playfully. His breathing quickened and he let himself press against me harder, applying huge pressure against the swelling bulge in my pants.
We both stopped moving. Stopped breathing. Stopped everything. When our gazes met, I wasn’t sure whether I was afraid or aroused. He was making me so hard so fast and it felt terrific. That, on its own, seemed scary enough.
When Tyler shifted his weight from one leg to the other, his crotch dragged against mine and my eyes rolled back with an excruciating mixture of desire and pleasure.
In one heartbeat, I wanted it all. I wanted to explore all these possibilities that had never crossed my mind before. And the desire to do that was so fiery and brilliant that my heart stumbled.
The feeling was so abrupt that a loud whimper burst out of me and I clutched him harder. “Fuck, Ty,” I whispered, my voice a low rumble. “Maybe we shouldn’t do it in the library.”
He bit his lower lip hard and mischief blazed in his eyes. “Right,” he said softly, almost seductively. “Maybe we should go somewhere else.”
It was enough to make my heart thunder with excitement. The possibilities seemed endless. The familiarity of this person was as comforting as meeting a new side of my best friend and that was exciting. It was Tyler. Who else would it be?
My throat closed as I searched for his hand. I pulled him in. I looked deep into his eyes. “Are we sure about this?” It was the quietest whisper, only for Tyler’s ears to hear.
“It feels good,” Tyler said. “That’s all I know.”
I swallowed and nodded. Then, as courage and determination merged into a single, active force in my body, I tugged him forward as I moved from the section where we had been hiding. “Let’s go,” I said, taking the lead. Our hands separated as we merged back into the brighter light of the corridor. We walked as we always did, the way two straight athletes might, and I held my head high. I wasn’t embarrassed about kissing him. I wasn’t ashamed that I wanted whatever he would give me. But I had to admit that there was something close to anxiety running through my nervous system. My fingers were tingling and twitching restlessly as we walked out of the library. There was some fear underneath the hopefulness, but I couldn’t remember a time I was with someone when I wasn’t afraid as much as I was excited.
All that mattered was the person next to me. All that mattered was Tyler.
We walked into the night.
EIGHT
Tyler
We walked in haste, shoulder against shoulder, and a wave of giddiness passed through me making me want to laugh. There was nothing funny, but laughter bubbled in me uncontrollably. Whenever the back of my hand brushed against the back of his, it added to the need to throw my head back and laugh out loud.
I had never felt such a lack of control over my reactions. It was like he had dismantled everything that made sense and revealed something wonderful that I had never found in myself.
“Wait,” Sebastian whispered. “Ty, hold on.”
We stopped walking near the campus heart and moved out of the pool of light from a street lamp. We wedged ourselves between two student facilities into a more private alley where the back entrances were.
As I followed him, I closed the distance between us. I wanted to kiss him as soon as he turned around. I wanted to lift him and pin him against the wall, kiss the length of his neck, lick his tanned skin, and feel his reactions the way I had already felt it in the library. The thought of lusting after someone’s hard cock had never crossed my mind. It was like I had never even considered it until the moment my crotch pressed against his and he throbbed. Then, like a curtain being pulled from a southside window in the middle of a bright summer day, an entirely new world was revealed.
But Sebastian turned to me slowly and carefully, his facial expression changing. My heart stilled before my brain caught up. He was controlling his expressions, but there were visible worries rising in his eyes.
“You have doubts,” I said. I knew this face. I knew the set of his jaw and the tightness of his muscles.
But maybe I didn’t know him as well as I’d thought. He shook his head quickly, banishing that idea. “It’s not that,” he said, his voice smooth and deep. He stepped closer to me, almost like his body was driving him to hold and feel me, but his mind was pulling his limbs back. His impulses almost prevailed. His hands were on the sides of my waist and he pulled us close together.
When we were just boys, we were constantly conspiring, our heads close together in sharing a private joke that would get us scolded if the adults heard it. This threw me back into the past for a moment and a deep sort of nostalgia roared through me.
Sebastian leaned in a little, closing his eyes, then moved in a way that placed his brow on mine. He resisted the urge I was feeling in myself, too; the urge to let go and kiss each other, letting the world pass us by, rendering it meaningless outside of our happy little bubble. “It’s Courtney, Ty,” he said.
Guilt and shame thundered through me. I could almost fool myself into thinking that we were done. I could trick myself into believing that Courtney had given up on me. She’d told me not to bother coming at all. At the time, I had shrugged it off as an angry and justified outburst, but I hadn’t considered it the end. The few cold messages we had exchanged since then were as vague and ambiguous as those last words she had flung at me.
I wanted to tell Sebastian it was over. I wanted to swear to him that I was free to do whatever I wanted. But I knew where that urge was coming from. To be able to touch him and recognize that the longing for his proximity had been there since we were young boys, unrecognized and never understood, was too strong to resist. I didn’t want to wait and the suggestion that I should wait even a minute longer angered me.
“I…” I choked. The anger faded, giving room to even more shame.
Sebastian pulled his head back and looked into my eyes. “Are you sure you wanna throw that away?” He hesitated, chewing his lower lip for a few heartbeats. “We don’t know where this is leading us. I’ve never…” He shook his head and looked away like he was embarrassed. A few quick blinks later, his gaze returned to my eyes. “Neither of us has ever done anything like this. With guys. With your best friend. It’s…dangerous.”
I put my hands over his and twined our fingers as I stepped back to take a better look at him. “I’m willing to risk it, Sebastian,” I whispered. “Nothing’s felt this right before. I want to give it a chance. Besides…” I shrugged. “We’ll always be friends, right?”
A determined frown wrinkled the space between his eyebrows as he nodded firmly. “Of course. Always.” He didn’t move to kiss on it. I figured it wasn’t appropriate to seal our friendship vow with a passionate exploration of each other’s mouths. Instead, I licked my lips and decided that he was right. I needed to speak to Courtney first. I was lying to myself that it was already over. “I’ll go see Courtney,” I promised. If we were going to try this crazy thing, I wasn’t going to be another Jennifer in Sebastian’s life. A clean start was what we needed.
