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“I’m tired,” I whispered. I’d spent the night in the airport, unable to get a flight out until five that morning with a layover in Dallas.
“Why are you yelling down here?” Ali grouched as she stomped down the stairs. “Abi? What are you doing home?”
“I’m tired,” I repeated, scrubbing my hands over my face. “Can I go to bed for a little while? We can talk later.”
Mom and Dad shared a look. I hated that I was worrying them, but I didn’t know if I could withstand anything more at the moment. The day before seemed less and less real the more I thought about it.
“Sure, sweetheart,” Dad murmured, straightening and helping me to my feet. “Do you need help?”
“I’m okay.” As I started up the stairs, Ali followed, leaving our parents at the bottom of the steps, frowning after us.
“Abi, you look like hell,” my sister hissed as she closed my bedroom door behind us. “Jesus Christ.”
I stumbled to my bed, kicking off my shoes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
She watched me fumble with my covers as I slipped beneath the sheets. I dropped my head to a pillow and fought another sob. Everything hurt. Losing Vaughn was like being physically knocked down over and over. My body ached from each blow.
“Did someone hurt you?” Ali demanded.
Turning onto my side, I faced away from her. My bed felt cold. Empty. Just like my heart. “I just want to sleep.”
The mattress dipped as Ali lay down behind me. She slid her arm around me, hugging me against her chest. It only made me remember how Vaughn climbed into my bed every night for weeks, unable to stay away. Needing to hold me. To breathe me in.
I pulled myself into a tight ball, shying away from the comfort my little sister was trying to give, unwittingly destroying me a little more.
“What can I do?” Ali asked quietly.
Shaking my head, I closed my eyes. There was nothing she could do. Nothing anyone could do.
* * *
A familiar honeysuckle scent teased my nose. My lashes slowly lifted to find the sun had set outside my bedroom window and I was being smothered in wild, dark curls.
“Hayat.” I whimpered my best friend’s name as the agony of Vaughn being gone crashed into me with a vengeance.
She propped her head up on her hand, aqua-blues filling with concern. She had dark smudges under her eyes, but she gave me a reassuring smile, causing her deep dimples to pop. “Hi.”
“Hayat,” I choked out, throwing my arms around her and burying my face in her jungle of hair. She fell back onto the pillow with a grunt on impact. Gut-wrenching sobs that made my stomach twist and roil left me. She rubbed her hands up and down my back.
Cupping the back of my head, she held me to her, letting me cry it out. But after all the tears I’d shed the day before, I shouldn’t have had anything left, yet they wouldn’t stop. It was a never-ending pain that I couldn’t escape from.
I cried until I couldn’t keep my eyes open, exhaustion enveloping me, carrying me away from the hollowness in my soul.
A steady heartbeat under my ear pulled me from the comfort of the nothingness sleep offered. There had been no dreams, only blankness. With Vaughn gone, I had nothing left. Sammy had torn my heart out when she told me she shot him.
Hayat’s even breaths were just as familiar as her scent. Our entire lives, we’d taken turns each weekend, sleeping over at each other’s houses. Her mom was my godmother, and mine was hers. Our worlds revolved around each other. Almost every Friday and Saturday night, we would fall asleep cuddled up together.
Her fingers were tangled in my hair, and I’d twisted one of her crazy long ringlets around mine in my sleep. Feeling like every inch of my body was bruised and battered, I carefully eased away from her and got to my feet.
Glancing down at her, I sucked my lip between my teeth. Hayat was so tall, her feet extended slightly over the end of the bed. She was wearing an old pair of dark sweats with one leg pulled up to her knee. Her hoodie matched, but she’d cropped it herself. It had risen when she’d slung one arm over her head, showing off the bottom of her white sports bra.
My bladder screamed for relief, and I turned away from the sight of my best friend softly snoring. I didn’t remember the last time I’d peed, and I was sure it had been more than twenty-four hours since I’d last eaten or drunk anything. Thinking of food made me gag, but my throat was so dry, I was desperate for a glass of water.
After using the bathroom, I avoided looking at my reflection as I washed my hands, unable to face what I would find staring back at me if I did. Ducking my head, I entered my room and tiptoed to the door. I had no idea what time it was other than sometime in the middle of the night, given how dark it was outside. Not wanting to wake my parents or Ali, I avoided all the boards that creaked as I passed my sister’s closed door.
Voices had me freezing in my tracks outside the kitchen. I could hear Mom and Dad, but also Aunt Lucy and Uncle Harris, Hayat’s parents.
“Lyric said he hadn’t seen her since earlier in the week. But that’s not unusual,” Aunt Lucy explained, sounding almost as tired as I felt. “She’s always busy with school or her friends. He does a weekly check-in with Abi, which he did on Tuesday to make sure she didn’t need anything.”
