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“Nothing makes sense right now,” Mom said, sounding frustrated. “None of this is like her. She has finals this week. She wouldn’t just leave without a reason. She’s the responsible one.”
“Babe,” Dad soothed, trying to reassure her, but something in his voice made my heart squeeze. “Maybe it was all too much. Finals are stressful. It can be a lot. She’s our strong girl, but even strong people have a breaking point.”
“He’s right,” Uncle Harris agreed. “The stress of finals was brutal when I was in college. I don’t know how I made it through those weeks.”
“Abi doesn’t get test anxiety, though,” Mom argued. “I can’t believe she would be like that over a few exams. No, something happened. Do you think it was a boy?”
Dad snorted. “Are you kidding me? Abi would never lose her mind over a boy. She’s avoided them like the plague since what happened with Maddie. If nothing else came from that shitshow, at least it kept her and Hayat far away from little pricks like Renchford.”
“Amen,” Uncle Harris grumbled.
Dad wasn’t wrong. I had stayed away from guys because of Maddie’s experience. But Mom wasn’t completely wrong either. Only, it wasn’t about a boy. My heart was broken at the loss of the man I loved.
Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip, I felt guilt choking me. I realized how badly I must have scared them, showing up the way I had. They didn’t know anything about Vaughn. Not that I was crushing on my professor. Or that I’d fallen for him. Or that I’d slept with him. They sure as hell didn’t know he was dead.
And they didn’t need to know.
None of them did. Not even Hayat.
As I remembered the bruise-like smudges beneath my best friend’s eyes, her own ordeal clouded my mind. She’d needed me. I should have dropped everything and come home to her then and there.
Maybe then Sammy wouldn’t have taken Vaughn from me.
He. Wasn’t. Real.
Sammy’s words echoed in my head, causing my breath to hitch. Real or not, I loved him. And now he was gone.
Mom and Dad—especially Dad—would freak out if he knew about my relationship with Vaughn. I wasn’t sure I could deal with that on top of everything else. For the moment, I just wanted to forget and not burden anyone with the chaos I’d allowed my life to turn into.
Pushing my hair back from my face, I walked into the kitchen. Everyone abruptly shutting up would have told me they were discussing me if I hadn’t already heard them.
Mom sat at the huge island, Aunt Lucy beside her. Uncle Harris stood behind them, his hands squeezing the backs of their necks, his face full of strain as he towered over them from his six-foot-six height. He was a giant of a man. Hayat looked so much like him, from his eyes to his dimples, but she had her mom’s wild mane of curls.
My parents had amazing friends. More than once while they were on tour, I had stayed with my godparents. Sometimes Ali traveled with them, but I hadn’t ever wanted to. Aunt Lucy said I didn’t have that wanderlust that rockers craved.
My meltdown had hit them all hard, not just Mom and Dad. I swallowed the lump in my throat, guilt eating at me for putting them through so much.
I forced a smile and rolled my eyes, trying to break the tension. “My ears work just fine, you know.”
“Honey, you scared the hell out of us.” Mom watched me with concern as I went to the fridge and pulled out the pitcher of water. “We need to know what happened. Were you…” She sucked in a breath, seeming to steel herself to ask what she needed to. Uncle Harris rubbed his fingers down her back while Aunt Lucy put her hand on Mom’s arm. I heard Dad gulping all the way across the kitchen. “Baby, did someone hurt you?”
“No.” It was a lie. Sammy had eviscerated me. But that wasn’t the kind of hurt Mom was asking about. They were all scared I’d been assaulted, and I could at least reassure them of that much.
Grabbing a glass from the cabinet, I tried not to let my hands shake as I poured myself some water, giving us all a moment to feel what we needed to feel. I sipped my drink as I turned to look at the four adults. Sometimes it was hard to remember that I was an adult now, too.
Letting the cold water soothe my dry throat, I dropped my gaze to the floor. “I’m sorry. I know I freaked everyone out. I didn’t mean to upset anyone. I…I’ve been homesick for a while now. But lately, things have been…yeah.” Guilt ate at me for not telling them the full truth, but I wasn’t lying about the rest. “It all became too much. I hate that I worried you. I just needed…to be home.”
A chair scooting back was my only warning before Mom and Dad hugged me from either side, both of them pressing a kiss to my temple. I fought hard against the sting of tears, but I lost the battle. As a little girl, I’d thought their hugs were full of magic. They could make everything right in the world. At least in mine.
If only they could fix it now.
Dad tucked my hair behind my ear, his blue eyes glistening a little when he noticed the moisture in mine. “I’m just confused, sweetheart. When we talked earlier in the week, you said you were going to take summer classes. You sounded happy.”
“I was,” I whispered. Vaughn had taken me home with him that night. Everything had been perfect. “But it all kind of hit me at once, and I felt like I was suffocating. I’m so sorry I made you worry. I messed up. Finals start tomorrow. I feel like a coward for missing them when I worked so hard this semester to stay on top of my grades. But I don’t think I’m in a stable frame of mind to go back.”
“Don’t worry about that right now,” Mom dismissed. “I’m sure we can figure something out. Maybe do an online makeup exam or something. Or maybe Auntie Em can work her magic and get you exempted from them. But that doesn’t even matter right now. All I care about is your mental health.”
“Agreed.” Dad nodded adamantly. “What do you want to do? We can get you an appointment with a therapist first thing tomorrow. Or you can do one of those retreat things. We can arrange anything you need.”
