Page 72 of Regency Whispers: Scandalous Matches

I need to see her, he realised. Perhaps everything would become clearer if he could see Jane, if he could tell her how he felt. It might not change anything for her, but it would mean they were both making decisions without hiding anything from one another.

‘I’ve been going about this all wrong,’ he murmured to himself. Not that he hadn’t tried to see Jane since she had fled into the street and disappeared, but each time he’d been denied. Lady Mountjoy had been sympathetic, inviting him to wait in the drawing room on each occasion he had called, but each time she had returned downstairs, shaking her head and telling him Jane would not come out to see him today.

He’d given up too easily, sometimes secretly relieved, as he had not known what he wanted to say to her. There was an urgency inside him, pushing him to make things right, but he had been unable to work out how.

‘You get back to the city,’ Western said as he returned with all the pieces of broken pottery. ‘I’ll tidy up here. I’ll clean the pistols and drop them off in a day or two.’

Without a word of argument, Tom nodded, already striding over to where his horse was loosely tied to a fence post. It was an hour’s ride back to central London. If he went straight to Lady Mountjoy’s, he could confess how he felt to Jane by three o’clock. They would still have much to work out, and she still might refuse his offer of marriage, but it was better than standing around here, feeling wretched and not acting on anything.

‘I’m going to miss you so much,’ Jane said, squeezing Lucy hard as they embraced.

‘I will be coming to visit before you know it.’ Lucy had tears in her eyes and suddenly they spilled over onto her cheeks.

‘Promise you’ll write to me every week. I want to know every little snippet of news.’

‘I promise.’

They hugged again, neither wanting to be the first one to let go.

‘If we are to make the coach to Bath, we really should leave now,’ Lady Mountjoy said, her tone gentle.

Jane nodded, looking around at the plush drawing room, sad that her time in London had come to an end like this.

‘Thank you for your hospitality,’ Jane said to Lord Mountjoy.

‘You are welcome to stay with us any time,’ he said magnanimously. ‘I do hope you get all the happiness you deserve, Miss Ashworth.’

Jane took one last look around and then allowed Lady Mountjoy to lead her out to the waiting carriage. There was a coach leaving London at noon to start the first leg of the journey to Bath. Lady Mountjoy had offered to accompany Jane, to give her the use of the family carriage, but Jane felt that she needed some time alone before she was swept back into family life. Perhaps a few days on the road would be enough time for her to learn to hide her heartbreak.

They stepped up into Lady Mountjoy’s carriage that would take them to the coach and Jane caught a glimpse of all the luggage strapped to the back. It was much more than she had brought to London, and it reminded her of her hostess’ generosity during her stay.

‘I want to thank you too,’ Jane said as they settled on their seats.

‘Don’t thank me,’ the countess said. ‘I’ve made such a mess of all this for you. I deserve to be condemned.’

‘No. You are the kindest person I know. You saw what it would mean to take five girls like us and show us the world of the debutante. Even I, who was determined not to enjoy myself at first, have had the most incredible experience these last six months.’

‘That’s kind of you to say, my dear,’ Lady Mountjoy said, leaning forward and placing her hand over Jane’s. ‘I worry that my motivation was selfish, that I missed escorting my daughters to the balls of the Season so much, I tried to recreate those times I loved without acknowledging enough that you are all your own people with your own aims and goals.’

‘You have nothing to reproach yourself for. Everything you have done for us has been wonderful.’

‘Are you sure you wish to leave, my dear?’

Jane nodded. Over the last few days, she had thought about little else. After she had heard Tom declaring their marriage would be nothing but a practical arrangement, she had felt her heart crack and crumble. In that moment, she’d realised quite how much she had been hoping for the fantasy. Even though she had tried to hide it from herself, she loved Tom and had desperately wanted his love in return.

‘It is your decision,’ Lady Mountjoy said, leaning back in her seat. ‘And it may be the right one, as long as you are sure.’

‘I can’t stay here, not knowing I will have to face Tom at some point.’

‘No, I can see that would be difficult.’

‘I know the mature thing would be to talk to him, but I just can’t do it. I can’t listen to him tell me all the reasons we should get married when I know he wishes it weren’t so.’

Lady Mountjoy bit her lip and looked as though she wanted to say something.

‘I want to run away and get swallowed up by the noise and chaos at home so I do not have to think about Tom or the scandal or my ruined reputation.’

‘The gossip may follow you.’