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“What exactly do you mean by that?”
I thought we had been careful. I thought we had been nothing but cautious with everything that we had done. I wasn’t sure what more she could want, but if it meant that I could lie next to her like I was, I would do just about anything.
“We can’t go out like we did,” she said.
“Yes, we can.” I sat up in the bed. As I did, the sheet fell from me, and I felt a slight thrill when her eyes roamed over me. I thought about pushing the moment, showing her even more of myself, and seeing where it went. But it would only piss her off in the long run, and I didn’t want to do that.
“The other night was great. I loved being with you, hanging out with you, sitting next to you while we shared a meal, but we can’t do it again. There’s no way that we could do that and look like we were just friends. Or two people helping each other out in our parents' divorce.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but I knew she was right. There was no way I could go out to dinner with her, stand next to her, be anywhere near her, and not touch her. Though I didn’t see the reason why we needed to hide it.
“Before you say anything, I’m not saying this is going to have to be like this forever. Just for right now. I’m done worrying about my mother and what she needs or wants in life. I need to worry about mine, and I am. That’s what this is about. My life, my needs, my future, and my happiness, and I hope you can be a part of that.
“I’m up for my tenure. One of the things they look for is how moral and good a teacher would be for the kids. I can’t have any scandal hitting me. All they need is one excuse to not give me tenure and I would be done. I can’t have that. Not when I’m so close to having everything that I’ve wanted. I’m sorry to do this to you, to us, but I need to keep this quiet for a little while.”
I wanted to tell her that she didn’t need to work if she didn’t want to. I made more than enough money to support her, but I knew she wouldn’t want that. I couldn’t ever see her wanting to be a kept woman. She was too strong-willed and independent, and I would only offend her and push her away if I even mentioned it.
If she had said anything more about her mother and how it would look for her or my father, I was ready to protest. And while I didn’t think we were doing anything wrong, that didn’t mean that someone on the school board or anyone else would. I didn’t want Victoria to lose her chance on her future just because I wanted to be with her. It was the one thing she could say that would get me to back off.
“How long? When will you know about your tenure?”
Relief passed over Victoria’s face, and I could see she had been expecting me to argue with her again. I could see this was too important to her to argue. I had gotten her in bed. I had gotten her to agree that we were going to be together. For now, that had to be enough.
“They’re in the process of reviewing my application. They’re going to be meeting in the next few weeks to review all the candidates. I should know before the end of the school year, but that isn’t guaranteed.”
“Do you think it’s going to be a problem? You’ve been working at the same school for a few years now, right? They’re happy with you and your performance, right?”
“Yes. They have. The staff, the students, even the parents love me. It shouldn’t be a problem, but—”
“You don’t want to risk it by being seen with your stepbrother?”
“Well, it wouldn’t matter once our parents are divorced if it came out. We are only just two people who are together,” she said with a smile.
“Technically, that’s what we are now.”
“I know, I agree with you. It took me a bit of time to get to that point, but I see it now. What we do is no one's business but our own, but just because you and I see it that way, others may not. I know it’s a lot to ask, but can you just hold off on us going all public until I have my tenure?”
“Will it be after that, or do we have to wait until our parents are officially divorced?”
“Let’s get through one thing at a time. Once I have my tenure, I will feel better about things, and then we can go from there.”
“Victoria.” I stared.
“I’m not brushing you off. I promise. I want to be with you. We’ll figure out a way to do it. I promise. I still want to see you. We just have to do it in secret right now. Plus, with all this alone time, it will give us a chance to get to know each other better.”
“Do you think I could know you any better than I did last night?” I teased.
“I’m sure you would like to find out,” she said with a smile.
“Most definitely.”
“Who knows? Maybe you’ll get sick of me before I get tenure, and then it won’t be a problem.”
She was trying to sound teasing, but I could hear the concern in her voice. I could see it in her eyes, even if she was trying to hide it from me. Part of me was excited that I was getting to know her so well that I could see the changes in her body and face, but the other part of me was sad that she even had to think it, much less say it.
“How can you think for one minute that I don’t want you?”
“You do now, but all of this is new and exciting; that might change. Your feelings for me might change.”
