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“Oh, that’s true, isn’t it?” He reached for my chair and pulled me closer to him so he could press his nose into my hair, still damp from the shower. “I know that the Elders and my mom put a lot on you this morning,” he said. “I don’t want you to be scared about magic or pack mothers or fate right now. That’s not our priority.”
I shivered at his closeness and pressed closer to him. “Then what is?”
“You.” He kissed my temple. “Us.” My cheek. “And your wolf.” My jaw. “I want to help you get more comfortable shifting and more in touch with your wolf.”
“Okay,” I breathed, my heart quickening. “I think I can focus on those things for now…as long as I’ve got you to help me.”
“You’ve got me for as long as you want me.” He kissed my jaw again, nibbling at my skin and making me giggle.
I pulled away so I could look into his eyes.
He smiled at me, and my heart sang. “What is it, beautiful?”
“I want you forever,” I said and sealed those words with a kiss.
Two days passed, and I hardly left Night’s cabin. Part of it was because of the mind-blowing, delicious sex and the fact that I couldn’t stand the idea of him being more than a few feet away from me. The other part of it was that I still hadn’t mastered how to shift at will.
“I’m sorry,” Night told me, “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to lock you up again. I just don’t think it’s safe to walk around before we’re sure that you could shift or stop a shift at will.”
I nodded. This was nothing like when he’d first brought me here as his prisoner. Unlike before, I wasn’t bound to just a single room in his cabin; I could walk from room to room, and I could go to Violet’s cabin and help in the garden when Night was called away. I knew that he wasn’t doing it to punish me; when I had more control, I could go back to my normal schedule.
I just needed to get the hang of this shifter thing and my wolf. When I shifted the first time, I had been having a strange, terrible dream. All I could remember of it was that I had been overcome with fear of…something, and then the shift just sort of happened to me. I had no idea how to do it again intentionally.
Night and I were in his room, and I was sitting cross-legged on the bed. It was late, almost eleven o’clock, but I wasn’t feeling sleepy. Night stood over me and rubbed a puzzled hand over the stubble that had grown along his jaw. He hadn’t shaved that morning, not that I minded. It added an extra element of roughness and texture to our lovemaking.
“You’re not in sync with your wolf,” he explained. “I think that might be the problem.”
“Oh?” The slight purr in my voice caused his eyes to flash to mine. A smirk played on his soft lips, and my heartbeat quickened in my chest.
“Not now, Bryn. We need to focus, remember?”
“Sorry, sorry. You were saying—I need to get in touch with my wolf?”
“Yeah, you can think of it that way. You mentioned that it was difficult for you to know what she’s thinking or what she wants.”
Except when it comes to you, I thought. We’re in agreement about how badly we want you.
“I want you to close your eyes, breathe deeply, and reach out to her,” he said. “When you find her, don’t be afraid to let her in and to make her an equal in your mind. You have to let her know that you trust her. Don’t be scared. I’ll be here with you the entire time.”
I nodded and closed my eyes. I tried to push out my noisy thoughts—especially the horny ones about Night—and reach out for my wolf. It didn’t take long to find her; she rushed up to me, panting hard, as though she were just as eager to get to know me. It was a bit startling at first, how quickly my wolf responded, but I tried not to flinch or turn away.
I took a few deep breaths to relax, and then I opened myself up to my wolf. She purred in response, and I smiled. She was like the presence of a dear friend in my mind, like a warm memory. Though the process was a bit intimidating at first, I found I liked leaving myself open to my wolf, who already felt so familiar to me even though I’d only known her for a short time.
Violet came by a little while after that because she had a bit more information about my sudden shift. She’d been convening with the Elders and reaching out to the spirits every day.
“The Elders believe that your wolf was trapped deep inside of you, Bryn,” Violet said. The three of us sat on Night’s couch. He sat on the armrest next to me while Violet and I sat on the cushions beside each other. “The spirits tell me that your birth mother, the pack mother, was murdered the day you were born, and you were ripped from her womb. The murderer abandoned you to die, but then your wolf mother, Glenda, found you.”
I let the news wash over me. I had never wondered if my birth mother was still alive. I think some part of me had always known that she wasn’t around anymore. But to hear it confirmed, to know that there was no chance that I would ever see her again, brought a small lump to my throat.
“After such a terrible trauma, your wolf tried to protect you from the pain, shielding you from it so efficiently that she was lost deep in your mind, unable to surface until your heart had healed from the damage it suffered.”
I hadn’t even known my heart was so badly hurt. I turned to look at Night. His eyes were intent on me, concern in the slight frown on his lips. He touched my cheek, his calloused fingers gentle across my skin. I leaned into his touch, my heart fluttering in my chest. I knew that choosing to trust him and give myself to him completely was exactly what my wolf needed to find her way back from the recesses of my mind.
“I’m sorry that there wasn’t a better way to tell you all of that, Bryn,” Violet said. “I know you must have so much on your mind.”
“I do,” I said. “It’s a little intimidating to hear all of this, to know that my birth mother was actually the last pack mother. But I think I’ll be okay.” I looked again at Night and smiled. The slight frown on his lips disappeared, and he smiled back at me.
Violet smiled too and pushed herself away from the table. “I think it’s best if I give you some time to digest all of this. If you have any questions, Bryn, you know where to find me when you need me.”
