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“Yes. Thank you so much, Violet. It means everything that you’re working on this for me.”
She gave me a tight hug and then left.
“Your wolf was so strong to keep you safe for so long,” Night said.
I nodded. My wolf purred low in appreciation of his praise. “I think I want to talk to her about all this. My wolf, I mean. I had no idea she was with me all this time.”
“I understand.” He kissed the top of my head. “I’ll make you some tea.”
“That sounds wonderful.”
I walked outside to sit in the grass. I was in jeans and a light t-shirt, but thanks to my newfound shifter warmth, I barely registered the cool midnight air. I tried to focus my energy inward. I wanted to try talking to my wolf again to bridge the gap that prevented us from becoming whole.
Hey, I tried to call. Are you there?
It was a silly question, and my wolf’s answering snuffle told me as much. I smiled. It was already getting easier to understand her, though there was still some distance between us.
I wanted to thank you for what you did for me, I said to her. I had no idea you had been protecting me this whole time—that you loved me even when the person who killed our mother left us to die.
She whined softly.
Night tells me that you’re beautiful and powerful and strong, I told her. And I know now that you helped me survive all the stress and angst that we suffered over the last month. You helped me to be brave.
My wolf did nothing, just waited with her head cocked to hear the rest of what I had to say.
I think that’s why I feel connected to you, because you’ve been with me all this time. And I know that because I have you, we’ll be able to face whatever fate has in store for us. Tears pushed at the back of my eyes as I added, I’m so grateful to have you—to be a shifter. But I know there’s a lot that I need to learn about treating you properly and being comfortable in my skin. After everything you’ve done for me, I can only hope that I make a good partner to you…
She howled and ran to join with me. I gasped out loud as we became one, and my body began to change. In the few seconds it took for me to shift, I realized that there was another reason my wolf and I had been out of sync. As awkward as I was about shifting, my wolf had been scared that I would hate her. She believed it was her fault that I had suffered so much in the Kings’ pack, that in shielding my mind, she had also cut me off from the strength I needed to protect myself from Troy and the Terrible T’s.
That’s so silly, I thought as the shift completed. How could I hate the wolf that sacrificed so much to keep me safe?
My wolf tapped her front paws in the grass and turned in a circle, a kind of happy dance that made me laugh.
Behind me, I heard Night suck in a deep breath. He looked different through the eyes of my wolf. He was still gorgeous, perfect, and mine, but there was something else too. He was surrounded by warm light, a halo that brought him into glorious, wonderful focus.
Mate. My wolf’s voice was clear as a bell to me. She said it again, louder, and I wondered if it was true. If he was my true mate, then it made sense that even when we had tried to hate each other, it was impossible for us to stay away from each other—impossible not to feel something when in each other’s presence. And it explained how desperately we needed to touch and to be close.
It made so much sense, and yet not all the pieces fit into place. If we were mates, why hadn’t he claimed me? Why wasn’t he shifting to be with me now? He could have bitten me that first night, or any of the other times we had made love. My wolf whined, shaking her head. She was thinking the same thing. Why hadn’t Night claimed us officially? Was it because he didn’t want us forever?
My wolf sat as Night set down the tea and approached me. My wolf and I watched him kneel in front of me, our chest filled with equal parts sorrow and love. Night smiled at me, running his hands over our body. It felt like magic the way his fingers parted our fur and scratched behind our ears.
“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he murmured, continuing to stroke me. “How did I get so lucky to have someone like you at my side? Hm?”
His compliments were sweet, and his praise was even sweeter, but they fell on sad, doleful ears. He didn’t say he loved me, and he didn’t shift to be with me. He didn’t call me his mate. I felt so confused as the hurt settled in. Had I misunderstood my wolf? But no. The ache in my wolf’s chest mirrored mine.
Night tilted his head, sensing something. “You okay, Bryn?” he asked, scratching under my chin.
We couldn’t respond. Had I jumped into things too fast? Had we given ourselves to him too quickly? What had I done wrong? I ached deep inside as my sadness and my wolf’s combined.
Night Shepherd had rejected the mate claim every time he’d had the chance to complete it. That meant that he didn’t love me the way I loved him.
35
BRYN
Two more days passed. Night and I were still inseparable. After the first time I’d intentionally shifted, Night had me practicing connecting with my wolf so my interacting with her would be second nature. And when he wasn’t coaching me or offering advice, the two of us were having sex, which I didn’t mind at all.
I floated on cloud nine for the most part, but after the realization that Night didn’t want to claim me, I sometimes teetered on the edge of total despair. Self-doubt, combined with my wolf’s unmet need for Night to claim me, had almost overwhelmed me. I tried to convince myself that I was just missing some crucial aspect of mating and claiming traditions. I had, after all, lived as a human for twenty years; maybe there was something I didn’t understand, or maybe my wolf and I still had a few kinks to work out about our bond.
