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No.
I will not let him do this. He fought for us when I was living inside my own head, I won’t let him do the same thing right now.
I let go of the front door and hear the slam as I make my way back into his apartment, dropping my purse on the floor. I make my way down the hall and push open his bedroom door and look around. I don’t see anything but the light from the bathroom and when I hear the telltale sight of water hitting tile, I make my way into the bathroom and stop dead in my tracks. I suck in a breath at the sight of him behind the glass, not because he’s a sight to be seen with water cascading down his perfect body, but because he looks utterly and completely broken. His head is dipped down, arms bracing against the wall in front of him and I can see his eyes are tightly shut.
I break.
I let the steam surround me as I walk gently into the room, stripping and watching as Josh’s muscles clench under the scalding water.
“Don’t,” he mutters as I go to drop my panties to the floor. His eyes are on mine as I hook my thumbs under the silky fabric and push them past my hips. “Harper…” he warns, turning his head away from me.
I would be discouraged if it wasn’t for the massive erection he’s sporting, so I continue.
I know what he’s doing, it’s what I did. Pushing. And just like him, I’m not allowing it to happen. I unhook my bra as I make my way toward the shower, letting it drop to the floor as I reach for the glass door. Once I step inside, the water hits my skin and I jump at how hot it is. I gently place my hands on his back, his muscles tensing under my touch and shattering my heart into pieces.
“Talk to me,” I whisper, my fingers tracing the edges of his muscles.
“Don’t!” he snaps, jerking away from my touch. “Harper, I can’t do this…”
“Do what? Talk to me?” I spit back.
I went into this shower hoping soft and gentle would bring him back to me, but now I see that was the wrong approach. He doesn’t turn around, he just stands tall, back facing me as he runs his fingers through his wet hair.
“Please…” he begs, his voice wavering. “I need you to leave…”
I shake my head, knowing full well he can’t see the action.
“So what, you get to push me away, but I couldn’t? What gives you the right to do this, we promised no more secrets!” I yell as his shoulders bunch and his open hand slaps against the tiled wall in front of him, causing me to flinch.
“You want everything out in the open? Fine!” he yells, turning toward me.
A look of pure anger and rage stares back at me as I recoil because I’ve never seen that look directed at me before and I’m not sure I like this side of him. The energy surrounding us shifts as I back up, my naked back hitting the cold wall behind me as I suck in a deep breath.
“You want to hear how my lawyer says there’s nothing we can do about the photos? Not without knowing who’s behind them.” His eyes bore into mine as I cave and shut mine. Hating that this whole situation is causing him so much pain. “Or how about the fact that someone we know broke into the camera room and stole footage of us having sex, and I can’t fucking figure out who it is.”
I reach out my hand, trying to calm him, but he pushes me away.
Tears fall freely now as his eyes meet mine once more. “Or maybe the fact that after I had one of the worst games of my career, I’m told I’m being benched.”
I gasp. Can they actually do that? I shake my head, the water mixing with my tears.
“No.”
“What?” he mutters, gazing down at me. Some of the anger is gone, but I still sense it washing off him in waves.
“No,” I repeat with as much conviction as I can muster. “I refuse to let you carry all of this on your own shoulders.”
He goes to speak but I hold up my hand to stop him.
“It’s my turn now, so shut up and listen to me, okay?”
I see a glimmer of a smirk before it disappears.
“You once told me that I wasn’t alone in this, that we were in this together. I have this funny feeling that you need to be reminded of that.”
His head bows and I continue.
“Josh, baby… you need to talk to me when things like this pile up. I know. It’s hard, I feel it too. Trust me. I’m the reason this is all happening, so believe me when I say that I get it.”
