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I give her a pained look. “I’m trying to do the right thing, and you’re not making it easy.”
Her smile fades. “I don’t want to make things difficult for you.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m not very good at this, but I’m damn well going to try to explain some things. Saxon, I don’t want you to feel you have to make a go of it with me because you got me pregnant. You didn’t know me at all, and we both went back to your hotel room thinking it would only be a one-night thing. You’re an important, wealthy guy, and I’m sure you could do with a girl on your arm who’s sophisticated and who knows which fork to use in a restaurant. Who’s comfortable in social situations. And that’s not me.”
She holds up a hand as I open my mouth to reply. “I don’t want you to be with me out of pity. Because you feel sorry for the penniless girl you knocked up. Or out of duty, because you don’t think I can manage on my own. I know the apartment was small and a bit skanky, and that I’d struggle on my own there. But you mentioned finding me a bigger apartment, and I’d be stupid to say no to that. You have money, and you’re a nice guy, and they’re your boys, so you’re going to want to look after them. I know you want to help, and I’ve accepted it makes sense to let you. So you could set me up in my own place, and see the boys every day, and be a part of their lives, without having to make any romantic commitment to me. That’s more than I would ever have hoped for in the past, and I’d be very grateful for it.”
She stops, giving me a pleading look. “I don’t know how to make that any clearer. Does it make sense?”
My heart is pounding on my ribs. She’s being so gracious. I should be pleased, shouldn’t I? Didn’t she give me the perfect answer? But it’s still not clear to me how she feels. She’s saying what she thinks I want to hear.
“I don’t care that you don’t know which fork to use,” I tell her firmly. “Neither do I half the time. I don’t go to many parties or functions. I’m not royalty, and I’m not a celebrity. I’m a computer engineer, a geek and a nerd, and when I’m not working, which is most of the time, I like being at home with my feet up, watching Doctor Who and eating popcorn.”
Her lips curve back up. She looks so damn gorgeous standing there, holding the rustly elephant, her big green eyes looking at me as if she’s crazy about me. But this is the moment I have to be strong. She’s offering me exactly what I asked for. For Christ’s sake, Saxon, be a gentleman and accept it graciously.
My hands clench into fists in my pockets, but I speak as calmly as I can. “I agree that if you were to have a separate apartment, I could still play a big part in the boys’ lives. And maybe that would be better for the two of us. We could get to know one another slowly. You’ve had a difficult time adjusting to what’s happening, and the last thing I want to do is push you, emotionally or physically. It makes sense to take our time. To wait, maybe even until after the babies are born, before we get involved. Doesn’t it?” The last, desperate words slip out before I can stop them.
We look at each other for a long moment.
She tips her head to the side. “Is that what you want? Or what you think you should say?”
I catch my breath. She’s more astute than I give her credit for.
Her expression softens. “I’m going to suggest something. We’ve talked about being honest, and analyzing our feelings, but I don’t actually think we’re doing all that well. Being honest means being vulnerable, and nobody likes unzipping their fly like that. But I’m going to, because I want you, and I don’t think I’m going to get you until I do.”
My eyebrows rise, and my heart continues to bang.
“Saxon, you’ve done so much for me already. I turned up on your doorstep and announced you were going to be a father, and we discovered it was going to be twins, and you took it all in your stride. At no point have you shown resentment or anger toward me. All you’ve been is kind and gentle and caring, with a touch of caveman.”
My lips curve up. “Sorry about that.”
“It wasn’t a complaint. I meant what I said—I think you’ll be an amazing father. And… I know you’d like me to separate how I feel about that from how I feel about you as a man, but I can’t. You’re the father of my children. And for some reason I find that incredibly sexy.”
I stare at her.
“I love the way you want to protect me and the babies. It makes me feel…” She moves a little closer to me and rests her hands on my chest as she thinks what word to use. “Hot,” she chooses.
My gaze slides to her mouth. “Does it now?” I murmur.
She nods. “I know we’re not a couple, not yet, but I think maybe you would like us to be. I hope, anyway. I know it makes sense to wait, and to get to know each other, but the thing is, we’d only known each other for one hour when we slept together. And it was so fucking good.Youwere so fucking good. You set me alight.”
Oh Jesus. My heart’s going so fast I think I might pass out.
“I thought about you for four months,” she continues, “lying in that tiny apartment, remembering every second of our time together, and longing with every cell in my body to see you again. Then I walked into your office, and there you were. And I don’t want you to think I’m after your money or that I’m only saying this because I feel I owe you, but I long for you.” She leans a little closer, so her lips are close to mine. “I want you in my bed again. And that’s got nothing to do with the twins. I yearn for you, Saxon. I want you. So much.”
My throat tightens. It’s everything I want her to say. But she’s so vulnerable. What if tomorrow she feels she can’t cope and disappears in the night again?
“I’m not going to leave you,” she whispers as if she can read my mind. “I know I’m prickly, and I’m struggling a bit to deal with everything. But I’m yours, Saxon.” She puts her hand on my arm and tugs it a little until I take my hand out of my pocket. Then she grasps my hand and brings it forward to rest on her bump. “We’re yours. Me and your sons. And we’re not going anywhere.”
Emotion rushes through me. I look down at my hand, then back up at her. “Swear to me you won’t run away again.”
“I swear,” she says immediately.
“If you don’t want to stay here, we’ll find you somewhere else to live, just don’t… don’t run away. I couldn’t bear it.”
Her eyes gleam with unshed tears. “Saxon, I swear. If you want us to wait, so I can prove it to you first, I’ll wait for you, as long as you want. Because you’re everything to me. But I’d rather have you now.” She smiles. “I want you. Do you want me?”
I lift my hands and cup her face. “More than anything in the world.”
“Then why wait?”
