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“It’s not your fault,” she said reassuringly. “She never even admitted that to me until just now. She was sucked dry by her career, I think. Add her kidnapping on top of that, and I doubt she feels like she hasanythingleft in the tank.”
Fuck!I realized that her current situation had to be hard for a woman like Vanna. She’d spent her life in complete control of her destiny. She never faltered. She never flinched at any kind of challenge, regardless of the fact that she was completely wiped out. To suddenly realize that she didn’t have the strength left to fight because her life had spun out of control had to be heartbreaking for her.
Didn’t she realize that everyone had a breaking point?
“Then we’ll just have to fill her up again,” I told my sister.
“It might not be that simple,” Torie said thoughtfully. “She’s not just tired, Chase. I think her spirit is crushed.”
“Fuck that!” I grumbled. “A woman as strong as Vanna will definitely recover. She just needs some time.”
“What she needs is some happiness in her life,” Torie said adamantly. “Once she’s well enough physically and emotionally, she’s going to want to go right back to work again. God, she’sstillworking on her story for the Darien Gap, even though she’s not completely recovered. Can you imagine how much that only adds to her depression right now? I’m going to do everything I can to make her remember what it’s like to just have some fun before she completely loses herself to her work again.”
“She doesn’t have any time to relax? Not at all?” I questioned, suddenly realizing how little I knew about Vanna’s lifeafterchildhood.
The woman had an incredibly stressful job. How was it possible to go from one assignment to the other without a break? Nobody was that superhuman.
“Never,” Torie responded. “Bradley was a total jerk, and I don’t think he ever cared about making Vanna happy. The other few guys she’s dated seriously were in the same business as Vanna and were probably workaholics just like her. Vanna has always had zero work/life balance. And no one who really cared about her mental well-being except me. That’s always bothered me. Underneath that tough exterior, she’s a woman who feels enormous empathy for people who are suffering. I was afraid the way she was working would take a toll on her psyche someday.”
“What else can I do to help her?” I queried huskily.
Hell, I was her advisor, but truthfully, there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for Vanna, advisor or not.
“I think she’ll figure everything out,” Torie pondered. “I think she’s reached her breaking point because of the kidnapping. At least she can admit that she’s totally burned out now.”
“Tell me,” I said through clenched teeth.
If Torie knew how to fix things, I wanted to know, too.
“She needs something in her life other than work,” Torie considered thoughtfully. “Vanna has no idea how to do something for pure enjoyment anymore, and she’s really beating herself up. That needs to stop. Right now, she feels ugly because of her scars. She got a new haircut today. We ended up cutting most of her hair off because nothing we did fixed the permanent damage.”
“Her scars aren’t bad,” I said firmly. “She’ll always be beautiful. And who gives a shit about her haircut?”
Torie shot me a dubious look. “Try telling that to a woman who’s been through hell and is just recovering from that nightmare. Believe me, she doesn’tfeelbeautiful, and I totally get that.”
I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. “Maybe I’ve been going about my advisor duties all wrong.”
“No, Chase,” Torie said softly. “This isn’t about you. You’ve been really good to her. You’ve been there whenever she needed to talk about the kidnapping. This is about Vanna and what she’s going through. I’m just telling you most of what I know so you can understand her situation better.”
“Most of what you know?” I questioned. “What are you leaving out?”
“Only the parts that have nothing to do with her recovery,” she hedged. “There are some things best friends don’t share with anyone else.”
“I need to know what to do to fix this, Torie,” I said huskily.
Hell, I wanted Vanna to be happy, too.
“Take her outside with a glass of wine to watch the sunset,” Torie replied. “Let her know that even if her scars never completely disappear, that she’s still beautiful.”
“I can do that,” I agreed.
It had never occurred to me that Vanna might have some physical insecurities after what had happened to her. Probably because I would never be able to see her as anything less than stunning, no matter how many scars she had or how she cut her fucking hair.
Hell, ever since I’d realized how much I wanted to spend more time with her at Torie’s wedding, that compulsion wouldn’t leave me alone.
I’d tried to give her some space, even though we were living in the same house.
I thought she’d need time to herself in between her visits from therapists and Torie.
