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He laughs. “I know. The oranges are in season, so that’s no surprise, but we’ve got a lot of confused fruit blooming out of season, thanks to the crazy weather we’ve been having lately.”
“Like the heatwave?”
“Yeah. Thankfully, we’ve had our share of rain, too, so we haven’t had to worry much about droughts or fires.”
He leads me through the trees to a creek with large rocks on either side. He points at a spot for me to sit, so I do, and he drops down beside me.
“I can see why you like it here. It’s so peaceful.”
“Most of my work is done online. It’s fast-paced and always changing. I tend to get so lost in what I’m doing that I forget there is a life away from the screen. Fuck, I’d forget to eat if the guys didn’t bring me food. This place gives me space to disconnect for a little while. I leave my laptop and rarely bring my cell phone.”
“Self-care is important, or so I’ve been told.” I laugh. “To be fair, I’m my own worst enemy. I take care of everyone else before worrying about myself.”
“Sounds familiar.” He snorts.
“My problem is that I try to make everyone happy. I know it sounds normal. But have you ever loved someone who was so negative that you made it your sole mission to make them happy? You twist and mold yourself into someone you don’t recognize, knowing you have to do your best—be the best—just to make them smile? No matter what you do, though, it’s never enough. Still, you push through the tears, hoping this time will be different. But it never is.”
“Hawk and Creed?” He frowns.
“No. My parents. I poured everything I had into being the perfect daughter to make them happy. But it was never enough, and all it did was leave me empty. I gave and gave, and they took and took. Not once did they give back. Eventually, I had nothing left to give. We argued. We both said some pretty awful things, and then they were gone, and I couldn’t take them back.”
“They knew you loved them, Avery. Their failings were just that—theirs. It didn’t have anything to do with you. They just didn’t know how to deal with it. Being a teenager is hard. But I imagine being a parent is harder. There’s no manual or guidebook. You just get handed this baby that you have to remember to feed and water, unlike every houseplant you’ve ever owned, and hope they reach adulthood without being too fucked up to function.”
I look at him with wide eyes.
He flushes. “When I was fifteen, my girlfriend got pregnant. She was seventeen, and we weren’t ready to have a baby. Hell, we could barely look after ourselves, but I refused to bail on her. I made myself sick worrying throughout the whole pregnancy. When she went into labor early, I swear my heart stopped.”
“Oh no, what happened?”
“She admitted she wasn’t in premature labor. She’d just lied to me about the dates because, when she got pregnant, I was away at football camp.”
“Bitch,” I snap.
He huffs out a laugh, wrapping his arm around me. “Honestly, as shitty as it was, I was relieved. If the kid had been mine, I would have been there for them, no matter what. But finding out she wasn’t was a wake-up call. I got my shit together, worked my ass off at school, and graduated early. It’s funny how things work out in the end.”
“You ever find out what happened to them?”
“Yeah, I ran into my ex ten years later, at the supermarket of all places. She’d gotten her shit together too. Got her GED, then went to college and became a nurse practitioner and midwife specializing in teen pregnancies. I found out that she’d had a pretty hard delivery and was treated terribly because of her age. But she turned the negative experience into something positive. She’d been married for two years to a firefighter when we ran into each other, and she was pregnant with her second child. I don’t hate her. I never really did. We were both so young. We messed up, but we didn’t let our fuck-ups define us.”
“I kind of love that for the both of you. I wish I could say the same thing after my fuck-ups, but I’m working on it.”
“We’re all just a work in progress, Avery.”
I lean into him and think about all the anger and animosity I’ve let consume me for so long, and I realize nothing is going to change unless I do something about it. “I think it’s time I talked to Hawk and Creed.”
He sighs but nods. “Whatever you need, Avery.” There’s a sadness in his words, but he doesn’t try to stop me or talk me out of it. Maybe he knows deep down that there’s no future for me, certainly not for us, if I can’t first deal with the past.
I just hope I don’t become one more mistake he has to learn from.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Hawk
I watched them pass by, oblivious to the rest of the world. Grabbing my phone, I sign into the secure app that lets us view the cameras on the property. I keep scrolling until I find the one for the orchard. It doesn’t give me the best view, but it’s good enough.
I sip my coffee as they move to the rocks near the stream. Their body language shows how comfortable they are with each other. If I didn’t know any different, I’d say they’ve known each other for years. As much as I want to be pissed at them, I can’t help but turn that anger inward.
We shoveled all the blame on her, and she was the only one of the three of us that was innocent. She might not have told us about her ability back then, but I can’t say I blame her or that I wouldn’t have done the same. If she had told us the truth, me and Creed would probably have bolted. I feel like shit for even thinking it. Fuck, I think it’s time to face up to what we did. We hid our guilt and shame with anger and pointed our fingers at Avery so that nobody would look at us. Everything Avery said was true. Why did we so easily believe she ran? Why the fuck didn’t we look for her, drag her back, and try to fix things? Hell, we just kidnapped her for answers four years after they were due. If she had never returned, we would’ve never pushed the issue.
