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We don’t deserve her. We never did, but I’m still too much of a dick to just give up. Everything she is giving to Ev, she once gave to us. And I want it back. The fact that she came here after everything we did is a testament to the type of woman she is.
I watch as E wraps his arm around her and realize that we might have already lost her.
I leave my coffee on the table, grab my keys, and head out to the orchard. Maybe she’ll talk to me somewhere neutral. I get lost in my head, trying to think about what to say, but nothing feels right.
By the time I make it to the orchard, the sky has clouded over, blocking the sun and making my mood feel gloomier than before. I wipe my hands on my pants, feeling my palms sweat with nerves. The irony is not lost on me that I’ve faced down terrorists, and yet this woman scares the shit out of me.
They must sense me because they both look up as I draw near. Ev stands and offers Avery his hand, helping her up. She watches me warily, but E’s expression is blank.
I stop a few feet from them and slide my hands into my pockets. “Can we talk?”
Ev looks from me to Avery, waiting for her to decide. If I didn’t feel like he was competition, I’d be impressed with how he doesn’t railroad her into doing what he thinks is best and lets her figure her own shit out. It’s just one more point for him.
Evander one, Hawk zero.
“I’ll be fine, Ev.”
“Alright. I’m going to head back to the main house and wait for you.”
“I’ll make sure she gets there safely,” I tell him.
He nods before giving Avery a squeeze and walking away. We both watch him leave before I point to the rock they were both just sitting on.
“Can we sit?”
“Oh, yeah. Sure.”
I look out over the orchard, wondering when the last time I came out here was.
“They don’t have places like this back home.”
“Even living here, it’s sometimes hard to remember to stop and enjoy it.” I look at her. “Sometimes we don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone.”
She blushes and looks away.
“I’m sorry, you know. About everything. I know you’ll probably never forgive us, but I’d like a chance to tell you my side. I’m not going to make excuses. I just want you to have the whole story.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
She looks at me and nods. “Talk to me. Make me understand.”
It’s my turn to look away. I lean forward, my arms resting on my knees. “My father was a hard man. Brutal, actually. And he had no problem beating me and my mom into submission.”
She reaches out and grasps my wrists.
There is no love lost between Avery and my mother. Lord knows Avery tried to win her over, but as far as my mom is concerned, there is only room in my life for one woman, and that’s her.
“She was with my father up until the day he died and it was a bone of contention between us. I couldn’t understand how she could stay, if not for all the shit he did to her, then because of the way he had once terrorized me. It wasn’t until I was older, and I’d seen the things I’d seen both domestic and abroad, that I realized leaving was the easy part. It was what came after that stopped her.” I twist my hand and link my fingers with hers.
“She had no money, no skills outside of being a housewife, and her self-esteem was in the toilet. Her family had disowned her years ago and all of her friends moved on after they had been alienated by my dad. Then there was the fear. The fear of what he would do if he caught her leaving. The fear of what he would do if she was successful leaving and he had to hunt her down and drag her back again. I honestly believe if he was still alive, she’d still be with him. Unless of course he killed her first. When he died, it was like he took parts of her with him. He didn’t need to beat on her anymore. She was already broken and over the years, she gradually declined. I moved her into an assisted living facility last year when she started having issues. Little things at first like leaving candles burning and forgetting the stove was on. But things escalated quickly.
The last few times I’ve visited, she’s was in another world. One where my father is alive and she’s blissfully happy. She barely remembers me, doesn’t remember anything he put us though, and yet…”
I swallow and squeeze her hand.
“She’s happy.” Avery finishes for me. “She’s created a reality where she gets to live out her happily ever after.”
