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Just like that, I know exactly what I want. I want to be here with Josh.
But does he want the same?
“I need to talk to you,” I say, stepping back from him and noting the ranch hands close by. “Can we go somewhere private?”
He nods and leads me to the back porch, where we sit down on the swing overlooking the fields. I take a deep breath and look up at him.
“My boss offered me the opportunity to run a second office in San Antonio. An extension of our practice.”
His face is flat. Whatever his reaction is, I can’t read it. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.” I rub my palms on my shorts. “It would be a lot of work, though. I’d need to spend more time in the office than I already do. Less hospital time, but… yeah. More time working overall.”
“That sounds… amazing for you.”
A lump forms in my throat. “It does?”
“Uh-huh.” He looks away, and I can’t see his eyes.
My insides slowly grow cold. I wait for him to say something else, but it doesn’t come.
“I need to get back to work.” He stands and takes long strides off the porch. A moment later and he’s disappeared around the side of the house, not having looked at me once.
I sit there in shock, watching him go. What just happened? Was he not as invested in our relationship as I thought? My mindraces with questions and doubts. Should I have even brought up the job opportunity?
Obviously, he hasn’t considered my staying in Fort Williams. We’ve talked about dating long-distance, but did he mean in a casual way?
My face burns hot, and tears prick my eyes. God, I feel like such an idiot. I put all my eggs in a basket for a guy, only to have them thrown back in my face.
Pain racking my body, I get up and walk around the other side of the house so that I don’t have to face Josh. Out front, I steal a quick look at the tractor he was working on, but he’s nowhere to be found.
He’s probably already moved on. He’s swiping right on the dating apps now.
I can’t keep the painful thoughts away, but are they really intrusive, or are they right?
Maybe I was just a fling to Josh, and now that I’ve floated the idea of my returning to an even more demanding job, he’s decided he doesn’t want to deal with the extra baggage.
As I walk across the grass, I can’t help but feel a sense of loss. I wanted to build a future with Josh, but now that dream seems like a distant memory.
The hot Texas sun beats down on my skin, but it’s nothing compared to the ache in my chest. I thought I had found something special with Josh, but apparently I just ended up with another dud.
Keeping my gaze straight ahead, I get into my car and drive away. Once I’m on the road, I finally allow the tears to flow.
The tears blur my vision, making it difficult to see the road ahead. I pull over to the side of the road and let out a deep sob. Why did I have to fall for someone who can’t return the feeling? Was everything Josh said to me just a lie?
I’ve been so naive to think that we could build something together. Even after all the times I’ve been burned — including by Josh — I went back for more, thinking it would be different this time.
If anyone is to blame, then it’s me. I could have chosen differently, and yet I didn’t.
As I drive, I wipe tears from my cheeks and try to push the heartbreak away. I will not let a man define my worth. I’m so much more than that. I’m a successful doctor with so much to give the world.
And yet… at my core, I feel like all the success in the universe doesn’t mean anything without a special person by your side.
Sadly for me, I thought Josh was that special person. Now that I know he’s not, my vision of staying in Fort Williams has been turned upside down.
My heart has been shattered, and it’s lying all over this stupid land. If I never set eyes on this place again, I’ll feel at least a little better.
I should have taken my eighteen-year-old self’s advice from the beginning, but I’m doing it now. Once I leave this town, I’m never, ever coming back.
